Is this any good?

[chaska]

It's a sonnet I wrote in college. It was a Valentines day assignment.

Lines were ne're so simple
As when together we were much in love
could sit for hours and contemplate your dimples
And count the stars in your eyes, my dove
But now you've flown and verses aren't forthcoming
Pen and paper are as chisel and stone
And too, my heart like gristle is becoming
'Hind ramparts bricked of muscle and bone
The years crawl by, be it blessing or a curse
I still feel the sting on my flank
Of the branded words "for better, for worse"
But yours is the wound that grows rank
When death comes calling, with the sounding of the knell
May quick be your judge so you may long rot in hell

...but I'm not bitter. LOL!

Actually, I wrote it for a friend who had just divorced a cheating wife (thus the "wound" reference to a certain female part). I'm not sure if it meets all the technical requirements for a sonnet.

[EFerrari]

1. LOL! And very Shakespearean

The turn at the end is cool. :)

Are you interesting in working it? Have you tried more sonnets?

Brave person.

B.

[chaska]

2. Working it???

Is your reply a poem? I don't understand any of it. LOL. Brave person???

That's the only sonnet I've done. It was pretty difficult. I wrote a fair number of poems back then. I still wrote song lyrics back then (now I'm strictly an instrumental musician) so it was an extension of that. I haven't written a poem in years.

I'm glad you got it - it was meant to be funny. It horrified my septuagenarian lady professor. That in itself was pretty hi-larryus.

[Droopy]

3. I think it's good

It meets the requirements for a sonnet as far as the rhyme scheme goes, but I don't think it does metrically. I think a true sonnet is supposed to have ten beats per line. But it is good poetry and if you want to call it a sonnet that's cool with me.

[chaska]

4. Thanks. I'm generally pretty anal, I think...

it works (technically) except for the first line (not sure though). I could never figure out why it worked despite the first line not being quite the correct number of feet, or whatever it is.