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The city breathes fire (in progress--feedback appreciated)

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Generic Other Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-29-05 12:45 AM
Original message
The city breathes fire (in progress--feedback appreciated)
The city breathes fire—
a choking blaze singes the air

The absence of human remains
in the minutes after impact

No warning of danger
unwinding with
the explosive force of
1000 tons of TNT

Not a single cloud
in the blue sky, no foreshadowing
of the warhead hurtling to its destination,

or the sanitized hands of the pilot
who takes careful aim at his target.

Only a few glance up, take note
at the sound of engines.
1000 offices echo in empty towers,
and far from the center of the city,
factories and industrial smokestacks
blot the skyline.

A deep shadow passes over the fields
following the direction of the wind.

The pilot checks the time and
begins his descent plotting an
unbending course
determined weeks and days
before take-off, years even

strategic flights
that wind back through the chain of command

A general’s signature.
An official document that authorizes action.

The president plays golf.
An aide whispers in his ear.
In the voting booth,
1000 citizens push the button.
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nofurylike Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-29-05 02:06 AM
Response to Original message
1. gasp (eom)
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JitterbugPerfume Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-29-05 10:41 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. wow Generic Other
that is powerful
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Generic Other Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-29-05 02:46 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. I was trying to trace the weapon back to its source
An interesting exercise: To undo something. To tell a story backwards.
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Droopy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Apr-29-05 02:47 PM
Response to Original message
4. That looks good just the way it is to me
But I'm not the greatest poet and I'm certainly no critic. As another poster said, very powerful. One of my measures of what makes poetry good is if the author can say a lot without a lot of words. Your poem says volumes.
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KaliTracy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue May-03-05 10:48 PM
Response to Original message
5. powerful. the progression is interesting
and the ending shocks us into being a part -- not just a watcher/observer anymore.
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