solitude and addictions

[northamericancitizen]

I am reposting this picture because It's an uncanny representation of my emotional state as I am embracing some major changes in my life.

The artist who shot this image succeeded to capture and share emotions that I seldom felt so acutely (from a pic.):

Going on but eventually get overwhelmed `by the beauty of infinite solitude, hence becoming it's prisoner.

and/or its opposite

Going on with the intuitive knowledge I'll know how to embrace infinitude.

So, I am riding on that horse, under the flapping tarps. I don't know who set those up, or why. Were they meant to momentarily secure the lone rider. If so that would be kind of pathetic.
Obviously this specific tent can only bring an illusionary sense of security. I chose to believe in the magic power of illusion.

This picture also reflects my deep resolve to go on...

In real life I am about to enter a major transitive(orth)stage.
Exactly like riding true a tent.

Tonight, I am sitting down, not to far from a gate, a bit scared, knowing I have to stay focus and determined.

I had set a date for my official crossing on the other side. (transforming some destructive behaviors into nurturing ones.)

Boozing, gambling, smoking the white stuff,,,,

All of those activities occasionally took me in beautiful exhilarating places. But I am, again, facing the prison bars around me.



At times I think and at times I am. Paul Valéry