a foolish question but I'll ask anyway

[CountAllVotes]

:hi:

I fought the battle with alcohol many years ago and I managed to get far away from it some 20+ years ago now. It is a long story and I won't bother to tell you about it as it is not at all a typical story. I will say this much however, in the Big Book, Bill states, "We are not doctors and that alcoholism is but a symptom of the real disease." I never really understood this until I found out my own personal reality which was in fact an illness and I was using alcohol as a feeble attempt to control the symptoms (which did not work very well). Anyway, that part of my life (the alcohol problem) is now gone thank god for that and I really do not have any desire to be an alcoholic ever again. I find it quite disgusting now in fact.

In the meantime, it seems I have forgotten a few things along the way. I have a person that I've known for a few years now and I've mostly been in contact via telephone. I decided several months ago that she is a complete alcoholic and she is in major denial. She called me the other night bombed out of her skull and began screaming at me and calling me names and sent me an email telling me to "FUCK OFF". She doesn't remember doing it as she was in a black out.

I do not need nor want this person in my life any longer. How do I go about dumping this idiot of a woman. I'd say her hopes for recovery are slim at best as she doesn't believe she has a "real" problem and furthermore, she likes drinking a lot. So she gets an "F" from me meaning failure, complete. I told her that alcoholism is a very serious problem and that yes, you can die from it easy enough - you can bleed to death from it. She was stunned by this information and said that she'd never heard of such a thing. This woman is about 58 years old.

What do you guys suggest I do to get her out of my life. I have my own very serious problems and I cannot deal with her any longer I have decided. Should I just hang up the phone? Any ideas on how to rid myself of this person are greatly appreciated.

Telling her to "go to a meeting" is useless as she does not believe she has a problem so she has not even made it to step one yet.

Thanks for reading my post.

CountAllVotes

[NMDemDist2]

1. tell her what you told us

that should do it

[CountAllVotes]

2. I remember when I was still drinking

When I was still drinking (I was a major closet case) no one ever told me that I drank too much. There were a few hints from people here and there at times, but nothing direct. I think if someone had told me they thought I had a problem with alcohol I would have become very angry and told them to go to hell.

I'm sure that is what this woman will do too.

There isn't much one can do but it just kills me to see someone killing them self with this crap. Oh well, I guess it has not gotten that bad for her yet but it will catch up with her as it always does from my own experience with this disease.

Note: Quite recently she totaled her car. It was found along with her inside of it blacked out in a ditch. They took her if an charged her but she refused to "breathe" as she put it. I take it this is a term that is used a lot by people that drink and drive. Anyway, she managed to get off the hook being she is the daughter of a big man in town. Makes me mad. Someone could have been killed!

I hope to never hear from her again really. One would think that being found in a ditch drunk and blacked out should be enough to drive anyone to desire sanity and recovery I should think but I guess she has not hit bottom yet. She is a very racist woman and I hate this aspect of her personality as much as the alcoholic in her. It tends to rear its ugly head when she is drunk. A truly sick person she is I have determined as I don't like to be around alcoholics any more than I do people that are extremely racist like she is.

Thank you. I'll tell her I do not need her and her alcohol problem in my life as I have far too many problems of my own that I am trying to live with ONE DAY AT A TIME. :D

CAV

[KyndCulture]

3. Tell her what you told us.

Then realize that she jeopardizes your recovery.

I still have friends that drink, a few that are alcoholics, you know those enabling buddies that come over to your house and bring booze, or the ones you bellied up to the bar to feel like you weren't the only one getting shitfaced.

Those people are a threat to your recovery. I know that I have to purge a few out of my life forever. But the few that I know that drink socially do not drink around me. I've asked them to do it for at least 2 months until I know I have a handle on seeing that situation about and I know for sure I can say no.

[CountAllVotes]

4. this has been going on and on and on

This woman has been continuously phoning me (most of the time drunk). Last night - two calls in 5 minutes at about 11:00 PM.

I just wrote her this letter:

Hello xxxxx,

You have not heard from me for awhile now for several reasons:

1. The last time I spoke with you, you were obviously very drunk and began screaming at me and telling me my dog was not sick but was spoiled rotten.

2. Prior to this I received two emails from you telling me to "FUCK OFF". I ignored them figuring you were drunk.

3. My dog is now DEAD, that is right, DEAD ok? She was VERY sick as I told you she was and I had to have her put down about 5 weeks ago.

4. I have since this time been an emotional basket case and have not been talking to anyone.

5. This whole thing has taken a tremendous toll on me as you might have guessed.

6. I found out who my mother was, she was a direct descendant of the Trail of Tears and I am in a state of absolute shock about this (both sides, her mother & father).

7. I feel like shit and I am not worth talking to about anything at this time.

8. I myself am a recovered alcoholic as I have told you more than once.

9. Being I value my sobriety, it is difficult at best for me to maintain a relationship with those that still drink.

10. You have a problem with alcohol and I think you need help. The drinking is not helping your health one bit if you haven't figured that out yet.

11. You should take some of that money you have and go into recovery.

12. You are fooling no one about this disease called alcoholism but yourself and you will some day realize this I hope.

If that is not a long enough list, I do not know what is.

You need to deal with it (the alcohol) before it catches up with you and it will, believe me. I am telling you this because you need to hear it from someone and maybe some day you will appreciate it, I do not know.

In the meantime, you are a threat to my own sobriety which I value tremendously after 20+ years of being sober.

So now you know the "whys".

Take care of yourself xxxx. I hope you realize how important you are before it is too late.

May the love of God find you and keep you.

**************

How is that for HARD CORE? Was it too hard core? I don't know any more but I had to do something as this cannot continue as it is not good for either one of us.

I guess we should pray that she finds recovery before it is too late.

[NMDemDist2]

5. you laid it out, now change your phone number

everytime you let her back in you enable her even more

an oldtimer once told me "When you sober up an alky, you have an alanon"

maybe some alanon meetings?

[CountAllVotes]

6. I think I will try Al-Anon

I also have one older brother left that is a closet alcoholic. I cannot deal with him either.

Luckily, I rarely (if ever) hear from him.

However, it seems Al-Anon is in order.

Al-Anon is the last damn place I thought I'd ever end up some 20+ years later!

Thanks for your reply.

And just remember, this too shall pass (along with a new phone #).

Take care of yourself! And if you need help ask God for help and God will answer as God always hears and listens.

[NMDemDist2]

7. good for you! remember recovery is like an artichoke

you keep pulling leaves, starting with the tough thorny ones, on to the tender ones and eventually to the sweet heart

it's a journey and you get to start another section

keep us posted!! :hi:


:hug: