Let's Talk relationships shall we?

[NMDemDist2]

It seems like most of us have issues with relationships. Especially when we first get sober/clean but it does seem to be the one issue that can hang on for years.

I was lucky to hear a couple at a convention in my early sobriety that spoke about living the 12 Traditions in their marriage and in all their relationships.

It has been a wonderful guide how to have relationships with lovers, friends, coworkers and bosses.

So how about you folks with some time under your belt, have you hear/read this and if so, do you practice them?

For the newbies, are you interested in discussing this topic?

[demosincebirth]

1. With many years of marriage under my belt I just ask myself...

do I want to be right or do I want to be happy.

[KitchenWitch]

2. I have heard about using the traditions for relationships as well.

I cannot honestly say that I truly practice that at this time, but I do know that the more I focus on being accountable for what is truly mine (my actions, my thoughts, my emotions, etc.) the better my relationships are.

[SPKrazy]

3. I Could Use Them In Work

I tend to be too impulsive in some communications with people, e-mail is a terrible offender. I've gotten in trouble with that - firing back an e-mail too easily without thinking of how it will be received. it's worse than telephone, or writing. In person one can read the other, and on the phone some as well. In an e-mail one can misconstrue things, fly off the handle, etc. far too easily (at least I should say I can)

But in all areas of my life the traditions could be helpful I suppose. The self supporting through our own contributions is an interesting one to think about in it's different incarnations. At work, I am self supporting, and my contribution is to work. I don't get paid for getting on the internet, or playing, or anything else that I've done all too often.

In relationships, contribution means giving and taking in a free flowing way I'd think. If I'm in a relationship it has to be a partnership and there have to be agreed upon terms. If those terms are infringed upon and you try to address it repeatedly to no avail, it's not like the 12 step group. Or is it? I mean what does it take to start a new meeting? A resentment and a coffee pot. Certainly that is one way that groups have spread. Back to relationships. When two people have come to a point at which they can't seem to resolve their differences, and it's to the point of involving others, and there is no longer any impetus to feel that even if their differences were resolved that it would make a difference. At the point of indifference. Where do the traditions fit in there?

[wildeyed]

4. I mostly work on seeing my part in a problem and being willing to take responsibly for it.

I will re-read the traditions and think about what you posted.

My main "relationship" problem right now is not with my husband, it is with my mom. A lot of the things about her and our past relationship that I thought I had accepted and forgiven, it turns out I just stuffed. Sigh. Having kids of my own has really brought a lot of my own issues up again. I see her relating to her grandkids the same way she related to my sister and I and it really gets me going. Sigh.

I am doing the prayer/meditation thing about this for awhile. I think I need to talk with her honestly about the issues, but I need to do it in a sensitive way so as not to cause more disharmony.

[Justpat]

5. My husband and I met in the program sixteen years ago.

We have been together ever since.
We start each day reading some spiritual literature
and end it with prayer of thanks for everything we
have been given.

We practice the principles in every aspect of our lives.
Rather than get mad at one another, we'll do a tenth step
if something is bothering us and work from there.

This is truly a program for living.

[NMDemDist2]

6. LOL I hear ya

if he's a bit 'off' or I am, we always ask "Do I need to look at me? Or are you just going through something right now that none of my business?"

:rofl:

the Principles work wonderfully

:hug:

[Justpat]

7. Relationships were impossible for me before I got sober.

I am ashamed to say that before getting sober I was married twice
for a total of seven months.

I wasn't very good it.