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I didn't have reasons to drink, or excuses, I just did, daily, because that was the way I lived, it was part of my life and I didn't much think about it. What happened was I backed into a friend of mine one night when I was leaving a party at her house and pinned her against another car. Then maybe a year or so later I left the company Christmas party and was driving in a black out and came out of it staring a man who was braced against the front of my car trying to stop it. It was in the parking lot of a gas station and I almost ran over him. I don't remember hitting the brakes, I just remember coming out of the blackout staring in his eyes through the windshield and wondering why he had his hands on the hood of my car and why he looked so scared. I blacked back out and when I came to again I was on the floor of my bedroom, and I had the worst headache from drinking I ever had, and I just lay there on the floor until I went to sleep.
And then around that time my cousin Vivian, who lived on the other side of the state, went to the 7-11 with her family one day, and as she was leaning over to put her items she'd purchased in her car, a drunk driver veered off the highway into the 7/11parking lot and lost control of his car and hit her car from the other side. Vivian's body was knocked about 40 feet from the car and she died instantly. I find myself crying about this now and I haven't cried about it in years.
When I heard about her death I knew there was absolutely NO difference between me and the person that killed Vivian. None. And I knew that I'd had two very close calls (my friend I backed into was badly bruised but luckily no bones were broken), and the third time might be the charm. I don't feel like God will give me any more chances when it comes to drinking and driving, and I won't be lucky enough to be killed, probably. So that is how my surrender came about, my fear, as I heard someone say one, that I would "do something I wouldn't be able to sober up on." I feel so blessed right now to be sober.
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