Jihad

[varkam]

I've been thinking about getting a tattoo when my current situation comes to a conclusion. I've been wanting to find the arabic lettering for the word "jihad" and have it tattooed on my body. To most people that might seem like an odd choice, given the word's connotations and current usage. I'm not a violent person, and that's precisely what interests me in it.

Mark Kurlansky in his book Non-violence makes the interesting point that there is no word for non-violence. The very word non-violence is defined by what it is not. There are words for peace, but that is not what non-violence is. Non-violence is a means to peace, just as violence is. It's a tactic, a form of struggle. There is no word for it, except for one: jihad. The original meaning of the word is loosely translated as non-violent struggle by means of argument. Jihad has been co-opted and now means something completely different.

I've been thinking about that because I've come to understand these past several months that the most difficult fight I will ever have to face is with myself. I have a friend who says that you can judge a man by the quality of his enemies - I wonder what that says about me, given that I am my own worst enemy. I would venture to say that's something that is true for all of us.

Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Freud, once wrote that any weakness can be turned into a strength. I'm starting to understand what that means. My weakness is addiction, but it's not too hard for me to see how, given a little spiritual jujitsu, I can use the momentum of my self-destruction to my own advantage. I think that, also, is true for all of us.

Those were just some random thoughts that I've had today. I'm doing okay, myself. I'm retooling my program in order to make it work better for me. It's frustrating for me because things have always come easy to me, but not this. This is trial and error. I'm getting better and better at it, but damn it's not easily won.

I hope everyone else here is doing okay.

[idgiehkt]

1. Hi Varkam

:hi:

Sometimes a symbolic act or ritual can have significance to us. I've been fighting addiction in one form or another my whole adult life so I know what you mean about the battle. I don't have much else to add except that my mailman's name is Jihad, lol.

[varkam]

2. What a name

:D

[NMDemDist2]

3. serenity

is the absence of struggle

rather than jihad, perhaps tattoo what you mean to achieve rather than the struggle itself?

:hi:

[Kajsa]

4. That's a good point, AZ Dem.

Focusing the energy on positive goals, rather than
the struggle, puts the energy in the right place.

I have yet to hear of an alcoholic/ addict who did not
struggle with recovery at one time or another.

Acceptance is also key to achieving serenity.

:hi:

[NMDemDist2]

7. Dr. Paul (who I had the good fortune to meet) spoke of this in his story

in the BB

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/bigbookonline/en_theystoppedintime16.pdf

esp page 419 I love what he says

When I focus on what's good today, I have a good day...........If I focus on a problem, the problem increases, when I focus on the answer, the answer increases.

[Kajsa]

14. Yep, he was the one who

authored the famous quote from the Big Book pg. 449.- older version
pg. 417- newer version.

" Acceptance is the answer to all my problems".

the rest explains acceptance as it works in our lives.

It took me several YEARS before I understood that I could accept something,
even though I didn't particularly agree with or like it.

I too, had the good fortune to meet him before he passed on.

[NMDemDist2]

15. well of course you did! he lived in your area didn't he?

he and Max were a hoot :rofl:

[Kajsa]

16. They sure were a hoot!

Yep, he did he live in the area.
He lived in Laguna Beach, I believe,
just like Chuck C.( may they both rest in peace)
Hey- John A.- another well known AA figure around
here, also lives in Laguna. He's Swedish, like me.
His wife's name is Karin. I am mistaken for her
as we have the same first name and last name initial.

( trivia bit- my ex now has a girlfriend with the exact same
initials as my maiden name. If they get married, she and I
will have all three initials the same,I love her, she's a doll!
AND SHE'S IN THE PROGRAM- Ha!)

OK- back to the subject.


Dr. Paul was the attending physician at the first
30 rehab program I entered in Long Beach, CA.

I was very fuzzy back then, but I think it was Long
Beach Memorial Hospital.
We didn't even know who our doctor was.
Then we read the chapter, " Doctor, Addict. Alcoholic"
in the( older version) Big Book. My roomies and I exclaimed, " that's
Dr. Paul!" He's in the Big Book!!

" sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly"

We were definitely in the " sometimes slowly" group.

:rofl:

[varkam]

5. I think we all strive for the absence of struggle

But I think the way I'm going to get there is through non-violence. I've been violent with myself and others for many years now, and to me, non-violence (jihad) represents a new way. In my mind, it's a watershed for everything that I've been learning and thinking about as well as the changes that I have been trying to make in my own life.

I don't wish to focus on the struggle, but I can't deny that it is there and will probably always be there for me in my situation with my addiction albeit to lesser degrees than it is there now.

I'm not going to get the tattoo anytime soon, though. I'm going to wait until my life settles down a little bit, give it some more thought, and make sure the word means what I think it means (because it would be pretty bad if it actually meanns violent struggle - I'd hate to have that on me). At this point, it's just a random thought.

[NMDemDist2]

6. serenity is *not* the absence of the storm

but rather, the calm place within the storm

blessings on your journey to find that calm place

:hi:

[varkam]

8. That's a good way to think of it.

Thanks :D

[NMDemDist2]

9. the struggle does get easier, truly it does

focus on what you want to become and don't wallow in what you were.

you are no longer that person, do a fifth step and a ninth step on that old person and move on to who you want to be.

trust me when I say, the longer you stay in the 4th step the crazier you will be. there is *no* healing in the 4th step at all. it is the root of the disease and it's important to go on ASAP to receive the healing in steps 5-9

:pals:

[varkam]

11. Right now I'm trying to sort out step 12.

I think I know what I'm going to do for it. I realize that these steps are going to become part of my daily life (at least, that's my hope). I'm not regretting the past, nor am I wishing to shut the door on it as the program literature states.

I very much appreciate your input.

[idgiehkt]

17. that was my experience

I didn't even have a significant 'warm fuzzy' feeling after the 5th step. The most relief I have ever felt from the steps has come from the 9th step work. I probably will have to embark on a whole new cycle of it when I work the steps in Coda or Acoa..oy vey.

[Why Syzygy]

10. Maybe

the absence of violence is "surrender"?

[Justpat]

12. Your tattoo falls into the category of not making any

major changes in the first year.

A year or two from now you might regret that you had the Arabic word for religious war
tattooed on your body.

You talk about yourself being the most difficult you will ever have to face.
The program teaches us that we stop fighting ourselves, the bottle, sex, drugs etc.
We give up the struggle and start on the road to inner peace and mental, spiritual
and physical health. The steps do not teach me to come out swinging anymore. They
teach me to turn my struggle over to the care of a loving God, HP, Divine Whatever,
and start living as if I spent every moment in It's care.

Jihad creates more jihad. Resistance brings more of what we are fighting.
The steps point us in a new direction of love and confidence.

At the meetings I learned to let go of my old life and use the steps to
build a more creative and healthy one.

[varkam]

13. Paradoxes abound

As I posted, the original meaning of the word was not religious war, but simply non-violent struggle which, as plainly as I can see my recovery, is.

In a way, it's a struggle to surrender, which is the goal for me. It's powerful to be powerless. What I mean by non-violent struggle is not that I wish to come out swinging against myself. I want to love myself for who I am and not continue to lie to myself.

I will agree that I should wait, and I intend to. No one ever told me the no major changes rule, but I can see the utility of it. And, like I said, it'll give me time to figure out if it really means what I think it means :D