Let us talk of sponsors, shall we?

[NMDemDist2]

When a newcomer comes into the rooms of recovery, they hear "Go to Meetings, Read the Book, Get a Sponsor" over and over. so let's talk about sponsors. I'll share my sponsor story later in the thread, but to start let's just cover the basics, OK?



What makes a good sponsor, what should you watch for?

Things a sponsor should do:

Study the Literature with you, answering questions you may have.
Sharing their experience of how they worked the steps.
Assist you in finding your 'trigger points' and helping you find ways to avoid them.



Things a sponsor shouldn't do:

Make decisions for you.
Loan you money.
Judge your living situation.


Do you have to like your sponsor? No, not really. But they should have something you want to emulate.

How often should you talk to your sponsor? This depends on where in the recovery program you are. New people should have contact often, daily usually. As you mature, weekly contact is comfortable and normal.

Do you have to do your 5th step with your sponsor? No. But many people do. If you don't do your 5th step with your sponsor it is important that you share the patterns of behavior you uncovered and the character defects you are working on so your sponsor can help.

If you are new please post your questions here. If you've been around awhile, please add information I may have left out, or share your sponsor stories.

:hi:

:grouphug:

[varkam]

1. My sponsor is not perfect but, then again, no one is.

In the fellowship that I attend, sponsor material is kind of hard to come by. There are not a lot of people who have experienced a good stretch of sobriety. Thankfully there are some, and thankfully they are willing to sponsor others. My sponsor has never actually worked the steps, and is not usually available to meet outside of the meetings on account of his very busy family life as well as the fact that he owns his own business.

That may sound like a bad sponsor to have, but he's very helpful to me. He has a lot of insight into the program and into how I might find some succsess. We have regular phone contact outside of the meetings, and he is always willing to listen. He and I also have a good rapport, which I think is important (though certainly not most important) in a sponsor.

I did share my 5th step with him. He listened respectfully and showed me support when I was finished even though I shared with him some of the darkest secrets of my life. That was a very good experience.

In my mind, a sponsor is like a lighthouse (and you're a boat in the harbor). They can't pull you out of the water. They can't do your steering for you. They can, however, help guide you to safety. Getting a sponsor, for me, has been a big help.

[NMDemDist2]

4. I hope you can find someone to walk you through the steps Varkam

doing it on your own can cause some 'interesting' results.

but it is good you have someone who inspires and encourages you.

[varkam]

5. There are other people that I talk with about the steps.

I also attend a step study group, and that helps me to figure out what the steps are about. But I do understand that having a sponsor who has never worked the steps is..well..odd at best :D

[MediumBrownDog]

2. I think I have found a sponsor....

Let's call him 'Joe,' he's one of the Grandpas. He's a retired lawyer (~ 70 y.o.) in my AA group -- everyone calls him "Professor" -- and I didn't know his profession until his wife (who also attends the G'ma/G'pa group) guided me towards him and said "Joe's a lawyer too, he may have some insights that would help you." I didn't know he was a lawyer because Joe never -- ever -- says anything at the meetings. He sits at the table in his pressed khaki pants, oxford shirt, and bow tie with half spectacles and takes notes or writes in his journal with his fountain pen. Then, several other members of the group gently suggested that I "talk" to Joe.

So, today I got up the courage to sit down next to Joe and ask him about being a lawyer and an alcoholic. He put down his pen, took off his glasses, and gave me a level gaze. "Well, young lady, if you'd like to walk this path with me, you'd better be ready for some straight talk." I said "well, okay. I'd like some straight talk." Pause. "Yes, I can see that about you, but are you ready to walk the path? I'll take you through the steps, but you have to take this as a serious course of study. More serious than your bar exam. This is no joke, my dear. This is your life." So, I didn't come right out and ask him to be my sponsor, but it had evidently been on the group's mind for a while and I was steered towards him for that purpose. Something of an arranged "marriage" of sorts.

Joe has asked me to set aside an hour after the next meeting to discuss the steps. And you know what? I feel, in my gut, that this is the right approach for me with the 12 step program. A "course of study" that lasts a lifetime. I love studying. If I look at it that way, then it is always a learning experience, not a burden.

I also asked Joe about the LifeRing Secular Sobriety group I've been attending, and he chuckled and said "yes, that's 'Henry's' group. Do that too. Can't hurt. But meet with me next Tuesday after the meeting. We'll start getting down to the guts of it."

I was worried about choosing a sponsor from the G'mas/G'pas group, because they're all dear and I didn't want to play favorites, but it seems they had tackled that issue within the group. And in this, I do not mind one bit being guided by my elders. I'm totally cool with the way this went down. Joe is going to be a hard ass, I can tell, but good for me in the venerable tradition of wise "professors."

Much love. MBD.

[NMDemDist2]

3. That's wonderful MBD, albeit somewhat unusual

usually it is suggested that men work with men and women work with women.

But I trust your G/G's to steer you in the right direction.

:hi:

[MediumBrownDog]

6. I think I knew that guideline about sponsors

but this group kinda does its own thing on a lot of levels. (The G'mas and G'pas have been hanging together for a looooooong time). This will be a good start for me in working through the steps, even if it is a bit unorthodox. I respond better to an academic approach. I'm looking forward to it!

[NMDemDist2]

7. trust the G/Gs. they have your best interests at heart I know

:hi:

[Kajsa]

8. I have a great sponsor.

She appears to be a soft spoken lady
but she can really lower the boom on ya
if you try to get by with

not working the steps

not keeping in contact with other recovering alcoholics

not going to meetings
( she includes online meetings as meetings- she loves 'em!)

I heard her speak at a meeting when I had a few months sobriety.
She related how she thought, as a newcomer, everyone at a meeting had something
in their coffee- they were " too damn happy to be sober".-Ha!

She also posed the question,
" moderation- what's that?"

She's a meeting nut- she will find one for you no matter what!

I love her.

She's been my sponsor for over 25 years.

:hi: :grouphug:

[NMDemDist2]

9. That's awesome to have someone in your life that long

that means so much

:pals: