Admitted that we were powerless over alcohol

[Justpat]

and our lives had become unmanageable.

Sometimes, no matter how long you have been in the program, it is good to go over the basics.

I drank because I had to. I drank because it was Monday, Sunday, take your pick.
I drank because someone said I should to be polite.
I drank because it was the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, Easter, 4th of July.
I drank I was sad, happy, angry, depressed, all of the above.
But I really drank because I was an alcoholic.

Alcohol controlled my life. It kicked my ass.
It reduced me, in the end, to everything I despised.

When I first saw the steps, I thought: no problem, of course I'm an alcoholic.
Everyone in my family is alcoholic. So what?

But after the first few beginners meetings and listening to other people in the
same boat as me (the little dingy called denial) I realized that alcoholism was
the cause of every failure in my life.

I accepted that I needed help. I accepted the disease, because in the beginning,
it that or a very unpleasant death from my drinking.

Acceptance was pretty had for me even though I thought I had accepted it my whole life.
But I had only resigned myself to the life of an alcoholic.
Acceptance of my disease gave me hope that I could start to live like a human being.
It made it so that I no longer had to do the bare knuckle,afraid to breathe imitation
of sobriety.

It is such a fantastic journey that starts with a mental shift in thinking.

Hope you can make so sense of my usual barely coherent writing.

[Kajsa]

1. Great thread, Old Broad.

Going back to the basics reminds us
that we drank because were are alcoholics.

In recovery we learn to do something else,
work the steps, work with other recovering alcoholics
and call our sponsors.

It sounds so simple, but it's something we need to
work on, everyday.


Thanks for bringing us back to the basics.

:hug:

[Justpat]

2. It easy to forget that we drank because we were alcoholics.

When I first started coming around, one of my fahter's oldest friends in the program
was a man who had been sober for 25 years. He decided to pick up a drink on the
train on the way home from NY one day for no particular reason. He died thirty two
days later in an alcoholic convulsion. So I had a very eary and powerful lesson
about the disease concept and the fact that admitting my powerlessness was a daily
event.

I am so grateful for the program.

[NMDemDist2]

3. I, too, had resigned myself to being an alcoholic

I was so grateful (and still am!) when I found out there was hope for a drunk like me.

My current situation makes me painfully aware of my daily reprieve. It's brought me back to the basics and yet another study of the BB.

It never ceases to amaze me that I find something new in that book every time I pick it up. :rofl:

It's a sad disease. I had a customer from the bar show up at AA a few weeks ago. He has seen me at the bar a few times since and asked for something non-alcoholic, even when he was obviously drunk. Last night I said "If you want a cocktail, just let me know. This 'not drinking' thing is harder than it looks isn't it?"

He responded "Yeah, I'm not doing too good, give me a Vodka on the Rocks"

poor bastard ........ but by the Grace of God, go I........

[MediumBrownDog]

4. Wow.

Here's what got me:

"Acceptance was pretty bad for me even though I thought I had accepted it my whole life. But I had only resigned myself to the life of an alcoholic.
Acceptance of my disease gave me hope that I could start to live like a human being. It made it so that I no longer had to do the bare knuckle,afraid to breathe imitation of sobriety."

Wow. Oh wow. That paragraph, especially the last sentence, tells me where I am. It is exactly where I am right now.

Some days I can't breathe, I am holding on so hard to the "imitation of sobriety." Bare knuckles? Bloody knuckles.

Your writing is not barely coherent, my dear. It is so pure and coherent that I am rocked back on my heels by it.

Thank you for this post. It goes in my notebook.

Much love. MBD.

[Justpat]

5. So glad you are back.

A day at a time, dear friend.


:hug:

[MediumBrownDog]

6. Thanks for wanting me here.

Some days, that self-loathing thing gets so bad that you don't know why anyone would want you around.

I'm trying. I'm writing in my journal and studying Eastern philosopy (all about moderation and doing no harm) and breathing. In and out. In and out. And not drinking this minute.

Much love. MBD.