a question for the old timers around here re: anonymity

[NMDemDist2]

if something is said in an open meeting, is it off limits to discuss with another AAer? Is there any implied confidentiality on something shared at meeting level with in the fellowship?

the BB on page 125 says:

We families of Alcoholics Anonymous keep few skeletons in the closet. Everyone knows about the others' alcoholic troubles. This is a condition which, in ordinary life, would produce untold grief; there might be scandalous gossip, laughter at the expense of other people, and a tendency to take advantage of intimate information. Among us, these are rare occurrences. We do talk about each other a great deal, but we almost invariably temper such talk by a spirit of love and tolerance.

Is anonymity strictly for people outside the fellowship? Is anonymity sometime we practice so we don't/won't speak for AA as a whole?

What is your take on anonymity?

[FloridaJudy]

1. What you hear here...

Let it stay here seems to be one of the AA mantras.

I don't always follow that. Sometimes some one says something absolutely brilliant during a meeting, something that makes me go "Wow! Is that ever true!" I'll sometimes share that at another meeting, being careful not to mention specifically who said it. "I was at another meeting, and someone said..." I also go out of my way not to reveal details that could point to a particular person.

I'm pretty open about my alcoholism with colleagues, friends and family. I believe that the example of an admitted drunk who has managed not to drink for years just might inspire someone else to get help. I'm careful with strangers. There are too many people who would use such information to discredit someone (Republicans: are you listening?).

I'm in a awkward situation right now. I'm trying to bring public attention to a legal issue that effects a large number of recovering people. It's hard to do without revealing that I am one myself, but this is so damned important that I'll probably "come out".

But I would never, never reveal the names of my fellow plaintiffs, or fellow AA members without their express permission.

[SPKrazy]

2. if you can share something without

the identity of anonymity being broken, like an anecdotal type sharing, i think that's okay.

like "i heard at a meeting that some people have dealt with this by _________"


I think anonymity is a twofold thing.... it is the spiritual tradition in that it keeps us from being one up on each other in any way.

I am _____ and I am an alcoholic, not I'm _______ and I am the ________.

We are all equal under this view.

The other aspect of this is that we protect each other's anonymity from those outside the group, and from those who weren't present at a meeting to hear something. Kind of like the right to cross examine your accusers LOL

If I talk at a meeting and someone goes and says SPK said this ______ without my permission to do that, I believe they have broken my anonymity. If they ask me about sharing it and I say yes then it is cool.

If they tell the story without my name or any identifiers: as in the above "i heard...." statement (second line) I don't think it is a violation.

Of course there is always the danger of becoming so anonymous that we cease to be helpful too. If we hide and never share ourselves with others, then we will not be available to help those who need our help.

JMO

:hi:

[demosincebirth]

3. "What you hear here, let it stray here," (in AA) is been read in many

meetings since, probably, day one. I generally quote many old-timers, and try and give them credit, when I use many of their old cliches. I think what is meant as "anonymity" is who you see in a meeting should not go beyond the doors of AA.

Now, for years, I haven't cared who knew I was in AA. The time I wish I was anonymous was when I was drinking.

[ismnotwasm]

4. Hmm

I think most people share "what they heard in a meeting" that affected them in a positive or negative manner. Especially things that affected them profoundly in early sobriety. You hear folks with a lot of time quoting this or that "old timer"--Something they feel is so important that they share it with the new comer for sometimes years and years. There are personal stories others pick up and share with someone they think could benefit--I do this myself. People have used my story. For a couple of years my husband and I went to a state-sponsored treatment facility every week. We spoke there many times, in what was supposed to be an AA meeting, really was more in a public arena.

What I've learned to do over the years is share the positive, and let my sponsor hear about what I consider negative. (I don't like the phrase "solution based meeting" for instance, but others need to hear and say it) I do my utmost not to use information I hear in a meeting as a source of gossip, no matter how I may feel about the speaker or what was shared.

As far a personal anonymity, when I worked Long Term Care I was very open about my recovery. I now work as a transplant nurse and the only time I break my own anonymity is if I see AA literature at the bedside, and one of my patient seems to need support. Once in a while I know the person anyway.

However, I've had my anonymity broken where I work to someone on my unit, (fairly recently) and I didn't appreciate it. The person who did it meant well--is a lovely, wonderful person and a good friend, but didn't check with me first and in this case I would have preferred staying anonymous. Too late. I use it as a cautionary tale for myself, because deep down, even though I really don't care if someone knows I'm in recovery, but just the nature of my work leaves me to feel it's better staying anonymous.

My sponsor always tells me AA needs no defense, because of the nature of attraction rather than promotion and the traditions, especially tradition 10--AA has no opinion on outside issues; Hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy--. Even if the outside issue is AA (kind of a paradox, no?) But if it gets brought up, I do try to correct misconceptions ie; "AA is a cult" type bullshit (No, it's structurally a type of anarchy and I'll explain why to the interested) I don't do it much here, but then I'm not the most active participant anyway. So there is my 4 cents!

[Justpat]

5. Anonymity is one of the principles that keeps us humble.

Thats all I know about that.


And I think it means that I have no business knowing any more about someone than they
wish to reveal and I have no right to discuss their stuff in a manner that is not
good for my sobriety.