My mom is addicted to pain pills. What can I do?

[Heddi]

I believe my mother is seriously addicted to pain killers, and I feel that they will eventually kill her.

Here's a background:

In the late 80's, my mom suffered a severe work-related injury. She didn't have insurance, and workers comp is decidedly slow and she wasn't able to see a REAL doctor, so had to go to those "Be seen in 30 minute" drive-thru doctor places for her injury (it was a torn shoulder muscle).

He put her on Flexoril and gave her physical therapy. She stuck with the flexoril and the PT for a while, but the PT only seemed to aggrivate her problem. Aside from medication, she's never gotten treatment for her injury and it persists (so she says, and I have no reason to doubt her) to this day.

About 6 months after the work accident, she got into a car wreck and injured her back and kneee. Again, she was put on heavy narcotic pain meds (Tylox and Flexoril, again), and again, never got true treatment for her injuries (again, being without insurance).

Through the 90's, she had on-going back problems--related to the work injury, related to the auto accident, related to a sedentary lifestyle, bad ergonomics at work, being overweight, etc.

Since 1988 or 1989, she's been on Flexoril, Tylox, Oxycodone, Tylenol3 with Codene, and nearly every other pain med you can imagine.

About a year ago, she was dx with ovarian cysts and had a hysterectomy. She was in alot of pain due to the nurses giving her incomplete at-home instructions on how to get out of bed, wound care, etc.

She was also told at the time that she has several degenerative discs which are the reasons for her continuous back pain.

We were talking the other day on the phone and she told me she's going to find another doctor because her current doctor "Won't give her as much as a fucking tylenol these days".

She has a friend that has numerous ailments and takes a variety of Morphine pills. She gave some to my mom, which my mom took. Also my mom has COPD, and I told her in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS to NOT TAKE FUCKING MORPHINE because it can put her in respiratory distress b/c of her COPD.

I'm really worried. I'm her only child, she's my only mom, and I live 3,000 miles away from her and so I can't do anything, although I don't think living in her back yard would allow me to do anything more than I can now.

I'm in nursing school (halfway done) and when she tells me these meds she's on (and has been on for DECADES), I just cringe. She's fucking up her kidneys and liver, she takes these pills with fucking alcohol and pot, and she's completely addicted.

She even told me that the last time she had morphine, she had taken it after drinking "alot of homemade sangria". I about had a coronary. DO NOT TAKE MORPHINE WITH ALCOHOL, MOTHER!!!!

I told her that I felt she was addicted. She denies it. I told her she doesn't need to seek dr's that will throw pills at her, but to get a referral to a PAIN MANAGEMENT SPECIALIST who can help her manage the pain without taking 10000 pills a day. She says she will, but I know she won't.

She's very overweight, and the only activity she gets is walking from the car to the house, and from the house to the car. Her job requires her to sit for 8-12 hours a day with little or no movement. When she came to visit me a few years ago, she was winded just by walking up 20 stairs.

Her purse sounds like a pair of maraccas. Seh's got this little makeup bag with about 20 different Rx bottles. Some of the Rx's she got on her own, others she got from friends that she bought the drugs from. But she says she only buys them from friends because the dr's don't give them to her.

The main thing they teach us in nursing school is 'PAIN IS WHAT THE PATIENT SAYS IT IS' and I know that pain control is completely inadequate in today's healthcare society. I can't say my mom isn't having pain--I'm sure she is. She has a variety of health problems that make ME hurt just talking about them. But I also think her pain is ascerbated by her addiction to the pills.

She's sedentary, as I said, and when she takes these pills, they knock her out for HOURS. I think an average day for her consists of working 8 hours, 2 hours of travel to and from work (total), 2 hours of being partially awake, and the other 20 hours completely asleep. I think she's either narcoleptic or hypersomnic as well, but that's just because I've been dx with hypersomnia.

What can I do? Is there anything I can do? Other family members feel helpless, and there is an trend of addiction in my family, so in addition to being natural addicts, we're natural enablers.

I feel helpless. She's young (not even 50) but she acts like she's 80. Every time I talk to her, she's got some new ailment that causes some NEW pain that she needs some NEW pain meds for that this doctor won't Rx, so she goes Dr shopping and trades notes with her addict friends over which doctor will Rx the best meds the quickest. I can say that in the last 20 years, she's seen about 20 different doctors. Once one stops the Rx, she finds another one.

I've talked to her honestly about my feelings about this, but I swear it goes in one ear and out the other. I've talked to her in person, over the phone, in email, etc. Nothing seems to do any good. I tell her that taking the combination of drugs and other CNS depressants that she does isn't healthy and that she WILL end up accidentally OD'ing if she's not careful.

I'm most worried about her new kick on Morphine. According to her, she's only taken it 2x's--once she took it and got violently ill (hello...a clue, perhaps) but then she took it a second time (after drinking the sangria) and it just knocked her pain away---a tell-tale sign to me that she's taken it more than once, especially since the friend she gets it from is more than happy to dole it out for $30 for a 30 day supply.

It hurts. It really hurts and I feel as helpless as I've ever felt.

Any advice? anyone?

[KitchenWitch]

1. You can set up an intervention

see http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/faq/q-a.htm#question12 for more information (the link is written for alcoholism, but is valid information for your mom's situation - her drug and alcohol use is having negative consequences in her life). Basically gather those closest to her around and talk to her about how her addiction affects you. It is important to have an objective professional there, since the counselor can help keep things from escalating.

In the mean time, she may choose not to get the help she needs. This does not have to prevent you from getting help in dealing with this for yourself. Check out Alanon at the following link. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

[sandnsea]

2. Here's my story

Well, not MY story, but...

Knowing that you will learn everything you can about addiction and intervention...

My mother had a heart attack about 20 years ago now. She only had 10% of her heart left, she eventually had a transplant. Cutting to the chase, after a year or two of trying to get her to eat right, go to heart rehabilitation programs, etc., I had a catharsis. It happened on a Sunday morning when I was on the phone with her doctor, me in Montana, the doctor and mom in Arkansas. Sunday morning. I'm in hysterics. The doctor ought to make her live right..dammit!

Whoa, that's crazy making. Trying to control my mother over the telephone through her doctor, me in Montana, them in Arkansas. On a Sunday morning.

The catharsis.

My mother's life belongs to her. I want to enjoy the time we have, not fight with her.

She died about 5 years ago. Maybe she would have lived longer if she'd done some things differently, maybe not. But I will never regret loving her instead of fighting with her.

[LaurenG]

3. This is called co-dependency

Your question, "What can I do? Is there anything I can do? Other family members feel helpless, and there is an trend of addiction in my family, so in addition to being natural addicts, we're natural enablers".

The only thing you can do besides intervention is work on yourself. Addiction is such a complicated issue yet it is so simple. Most families have some form of this illness. You may find that nar-anon, al-anon or adult children of the above groups will help you to realize that you too are powerless over the drug and or alcohol.

A 12 step program works well for codependents as well. (IMO, it works for anyone, if you work it). You will find your way but I recommend finding a support group to help you. :hug:

[LiberalEsto]

4. My mom was a prescription drug addict

I feel so badly for you!
Your story sounds a bit like my own. My mom was zonked on painkillers from the time I was 11 or 12. She went to several different doctors - some in NJ, some in NY, for prescriptions, then to several different pharmacies. My father enabled her all the way. I was powerless to do anything and it broke my heart.
Eventually all that stuff damaged her kidneys and she nearly died. She wound up having dialysis 3 times a week until she died when I was 23, in 1975. She was 54.

If I could turn back the clock with what I know now, I would have gone to each of her doctors and told them that unless they stopped giving her prescriptions, I would report them to their boards of medical examiners. I would have insisted that she be hospitalized and evaluated and detoxed and treated. I would have joined Al Anon or Nar Anon and learned how to deal with her addiction, my father's enabling, and what these things did to me and my brother. (My brother is a crack addict and HIV positive.)My solution was to leave home at 17 and rarely go back. I've managed to make it to 53 with years of therapy.

Bless you, dear. I hope you can find a way to resolve this.
Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.

[KitchenWitch]

5. Do you have an update at all

Several things to consider...She needs a pain management specialist first. When and if she does decide to go off the pain meds, she will need to be hospitalized for the withdrawal.

She will need a lot of outside support, not just you, but an actual support group, for both the pain issues and the dependence issues.

She may not be able to complete kick everything, because of the pain issues.

[NMDemDist2]

6. i wondered too how things were going n/t

[KitchenWitch]

7. Yeah, hope we get an update soon

:hi:

I am glad to be "burdened" with a caring soul.