What Addicts Do

[idgiehkt]

I'm cross-posting this from another recovery forum. It's was posted by a member there a long time ago and has been reposted many times. It was very helpful for me to read and I thought it might be helpful if there are any ACOA, Al-anon, or Coda people in the forum yet.

"My name's Adam. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do."

[idgiehkt]

1. links

Codependents anonymous
http://www.codependents.org/

Adult Children of Alcoholics
http://www.adultchildren.org/

Al Anon
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

[SPKrazy]

2. And I think importantly as well

if addicts do that, I don't have to take it like a doormat either

I can just not play the "game", or I can, I have a choice.

:hi:

[NMDemDist2]

3. thanks for the reminder of who I used to be

and what I don't have to do any longer.

I can detach with love and remember not to buy into the strange world that is addiction. The posts on ACA/CoDA/Alanon have been a great resource for me lately. Seems there is always another layer to work on isn't there? :rofl:

It seems the last couple months I have had these people come into my life right and left and it's giving me way too much practice at how to handle that 'lovely' triangle game. :puke:

Don't know why I need these skills right now, but here I am. :rofl:

I don't have to be the victim, the savior or the bad guy. I can choose not to play.

What a concept!! :banghead:

[idgiehkt]

4. thanks so much for reminding me about the drama triangle

I have been sitting here working on a reply and have deleted it two or three times, and then said 'forget it'. I came here and read this and I got reminded of that 'forfeit' option. :)

It never ceases to amaze me that I can forget this stuff over and over and over again. Thanks to both of you for reminding me.

[ellisonz]

5. All addicts are not sociopaths.

Besides...find me a person whos not an addict and I'll find a tabula rasa.

[idgiehkt]

6. I continue to be surprised, so I needed to read this again

:eyes: