I'm back - sort of.

[varkam]

What a wild ride it has been. These past several months of battling my addiction to compulsive sexual activity and pornography have been some of the most difficult, fear-soaked, and paradoxically rewarding months of my life. I've made some changes with my program, have gotten a new sponsor, and revised my bottom-line with some integrity this time around and I finally feel like I'm making some substantial progress.

I don't know how long I'll be here, but I'm at least here tonight and hope to be back again soon. Thanks to all of you who have wished me well, and I hope everyone here is doing well.

[KitchenWitch]

1. I am glad to hear you are making progress!

It is really good to see you on here.

Remember to take care of yourself, though, if this gets too much, you can choose to back away!

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

2. Glad you are doing better !!!

and glad to see you too!

I know that DU can't keep you from acting out and compulsive behavior of any kind is a trigger for me, but I've found that sometimes it is nice to see friends here and keep in touch.

It is also a place that poses some risk for me in my recovery. I've had people tell me to get off the internet all together to deal with my own compulsivity. I've found that in every aspect of my own history, that stopping one area doesn't stop the addiction itself.

That is something that has to be dealt with at a feelings level. In other words, what is it that triggers me really. I spent literally years in therapy arguing that there was nothing that triggered my addiction other than well, lust.

I've discovered that instead, it is an addiction that pre-dates my addiction to alcohol and drugs, and I've used it to medicate core feelings of unworthiness, loneliness, etc.

The internets were just another way to act out. Like crack cocaine it is I will grant you that.

I'm glad to see you and will hope for the best. I missed your exit and posted on your thread after you were gone.

:hug:

:hi:

[varkam]

3. Good to see you too, SPK.

I've missed our conversations. For me, the internet is a dangerous place largely because of the anonymity that it affords. I've taken steps to counter-act that, for instance changing my e-mail address to include my real, bonafide name. I'd do the same with my screen name here, except I can't change it.

And the internet is just part of the problem. My addiction is bigger than my use of the computer, and it does need to be addressed at a deeper level - like you say. I've found the HALT acronym to be very useful because I have noticed that being hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (especially tired) puts me at risk for having a slip.

DU is a good place for me, because it is intellectually stimulating and (at least I don't think) I haven't made too many enemies around here. When I come back around full-time, I intend to keep DU in my bookmarks. Also, this forum and the people in it are pretty awesome and has helped me considerably.

:pals: Good to see you.

[NMDemDist2]

4. hi varkam!

glad to hear you're still plugging away at it. and I'm always glad to see you, so glad you came back!

:bounce:

[Justpat]

5. Hello, varkam

It is very good to see you back. Thanks for checking in with us.


It sounds like you have made some important changes in your program.
I couldn't have made it this far without the sponsor I have.

:hi:

[wildeyed]

6. Welcome back!

Glad to here things are going well for you. :hi:

[FloridaJudy]

7. Good to see you!

I'm glad to hear you're hanging in there and making progress.
:woohoo::woohoo::woohoo::woohoo::woohoo::woohoo::woohoo::woohoo:
Keep us up-dated, and keep on keeping on.

[Kajsa]

8. Hi Varkam!

It's so good to see you here.

I haven't been around much these past few weeks,
as my work schedule changed, again.
But I always check in here to see who's posted.

It's great to hear you are keeping on, keeping on.
( an old expression from the 60s)

You recognize the all important HALT warning signs.
That's very important, as they preceded every slip
I had.
Getting a new sponsor is a big step in the right direction.

Keep us posted on how you're doing.
We may have used different colored rocks to hit ourselves
over the head BUT--

we've been there and we care.

:hi: :hug: