Lady Morphine is one toxic bitch

[Taverner]

Whether she shows up as Miss Opium, dressed in silk robes and dragons
Or if she shows up as Heroin, dressed like a rock goddess...
Lately she's been seen dressed in white, taking the nom-de-guerre of Vicodin, Oxycontin or Oxycodone...

But either way she's still the same sadistic bitch she's always been...

She curls up next to you, whispers in your ear that everything is going to be alright. You smile, she can't help but make you smile, and you feel at ease with everything.

Then if you ever break up with her, she will get in your head and try to destroy you. Hell, her path of destruction can begin long before you try to quit...

[KitchenWitch]

1. Yes she is

:hug:

[Kajsa]

2. I hear ya, Taverner.

The moment of truth comes with trying to stop.

You don't need to do it, alone.

:hug:

[Justpat]

3. There is nothing more toxic than an addictive personality.

And trying to quit never worked for me.

I had to let go of my efforts at trying which were nothing more than
attempts to get everyone off my back for a while as I continued to
do the thing that was killing me.But mostly they were attempts to
have some measure of my addictions and some little slice of my
old self still steering the wagon.

I went to a meeting once in the local mental hospital. It was early in
my sobriety. I shared that I was trying to stop and trying to work
the best of my ability. There was a counselor there who looked
me straight in the eye and told me to stop trying and just do it.

She knew the con I was trying to put out to the others there and
wouldn't let me get away with it. At that moment I hated her
fucking guts. How dare she belittle my pathetic efforts? Where
did she get off knowing that I was so full of shit?

But that meeting was the point where I realized the truth of the
statement that there are no half measures. Sobriety is one of the
places in life where we do or we don't, we are or we aren't, shit or
get off the pot.

I decided to get off my pity pot, let go of the ridiculous idea that
I could bs my way through meetings full of addicts who had
been where I was and decided to do what was suggested
as a means of getting sober. It was the
first time in my life I did what I was told.

I still kicked and screamed for a while, but to my absolute
astonishment, I started to get better.

[Taverner]

4. Oh I've quit before - quitting is a cycle I go through

I go through the withdrawal symptoms about once a month now. The key is to stay on the meds long enough for them to do good (I take pain meds), but not long enough to experience hellish withdrawal symptoms. Unfortunately this is a very tough delta to reach.

Someone here once mentioned rebound pain - yes, its there and is a reality. But the freedom from pain makes it worth it. The temptation is always there to not cycle off the pain meds, but just saying "fuck it" and going off them has worked. But just because it works doesn't mean its fun. It sucks, its a pain and Lady Morphine is one pissed off bitch when you try to leave her.

[wildeyed]

5. I know you are taking meds for pain.

Is it a back injury? Can you get me up to speed on the other interventions you have tried? Surgery? PT? I can't remember if you posted this before. Sounds like the meds give you some relief, but then the addiction starts to kick in and causes you a ton of grief.

[Taverner]

6. Yes yes and yes

It is a back injury, lower vertebrae. I've done PT (does nothing) Chiropractory (does a little) Medical Marijuana (does some, but in the end stops working after a few weeks. Cycling off isn't so painful though) and Pain meds (very effective, but also very addictive).

Lately I've been using Opium based Ethnobotanicals instead of the pain meds - which last longer, but so does the withdrawl unfortunately.

Something about Morphine Based medication just hits me in the right place. Out of any drug I've taken, legal or illegal, Morphine is pure bliss, until you have to pay your "bill."

I don't know if that means its the best pain med or the worst.

[Name removed]

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