advice for a parent of a kid on the edge?

[mopinko]

i had to kick my daughter, 20, and her boyfriend, 21, out of my house yesterday. she is bipolar, maybe even borderline pd. she had been doing so well. but this boyfriend is a bad influence. he drinks and has done drugs in the past. they both are pot smokers. i don't think she drinks, but my dad was a alkie, so i have always worried.
well, they just had a 2 day freak-out, and she ended up pouring bleach in my fishtank, and threatening to kill my parrot. (i was not there at the time.) her brother saved the parrot, but.
we told them get out. i called the cops, and they ushered them out. i tried to tell all concerned that what i wanted was for her to go to the hospital. i didn't really realize at the time, but the freakout had to have some drugs in it. they were just screaming at me in such a frenzy, you could almost see it passing back and forth between them.

i am so heartsick, and do not know what to do.
advice?

[NMDemDist2]

1. I'm so sorry

:hug:

she's an adult so unless she becomes a danger to herself or others there isn't much you can do.

stay strong :hug:

[mopinko]

2. well, that's the wrong answer!

i know it is the only one, tho. time to worry about the 2 younger ones.
she was doing so good, tho.

[NMDemDist2]

3. yeah, it's no fun I agree

but the littler ones need you badly too :pals:

[idgiehkt]

4. I am sorry that happened

I would suggest going to al-anon or nar-anon. And whatever you do don't minimize or deny what just happened. I am so sorry that they killed some of your pets. That is emotionally abusive to you. I would press charges. Seriously.

[wildeyed]

5. You did what you had to do.

Al-anon or a support group for parents of mentally ill children might be the best place to get advice. I know as a parent that your instinct is to protect your child, but you need to figure out how to do it without enabling the dangerous and abusive behavior.

I am so sorry, it sounds like a really painful situation. :hug:

[dsc]

6. Did she kill the fish? If yes, how much were they worth?

It is possible you could use a criminal charge against her to get her to agree to rehab.

[mopinko]

7. lucky for her, there was only a crab

i had had a crash with the tank, and was trying to get it back on track. had a couple of corals. one sees to have survived, the other looks bad.
i should have pushed a little harder when the cops were here. if i had yelled about it, they might have searched their shit. i think the bong collection would have done it. but at the time, i wanted to both kill her, and save her, knowwhatimean.
if she had succeeded in hurting the bird? they would have been scraping her up off the sidewalk.
i got a feeling that bf's folks wont let them hang around long. they think they will be out in a month. i doubt it.

[dsc]

9. I hope things go well for you and her

I know it is rough but you are doing the right thing and hopefully the bf family will too. You might want to consider an intervention if you can get the other family to cooperate.

[mopinko]

10. bf family

dad, at least, has a substance abuse history. maybe mom, too. not sure how that will play. we haven't talked to them yet.

[dsc]

12. could be really good or really bad

depending upon the recovery. I really do wish you all the best.

[mopinko]

14. that's what i am thinking.

they still smoke pot, i know, and have kicked the kid out of the house in the past. they have said they like my kid better than their own. i gotta feeling this will help them get over that.

[FloridaJudy]

8. It breaks my heart to read this

I also had problems with my now-adult son when he was in his teens, but nothing near as bad as this.

I echo the advice of others here: get to an Al-Anon meeting. You'll not only learn ways to cope with loved ones who are out of control, but you'll also be among others who've gone through the same heart-ache.

There's probably nothing much you can do to change your daughter's behavior at this point she has to be willing to accept help before she can be helped. Just concentrate on protecting yourself and your other loved ones until that happens.

[mopinko]

11. i have two more kids.

this is making me look at what their lives have been like with this black hole in the middle of the family. poor kids. they are both acting very teenage. but i think they are both gonna get over it and be fine.

[Kajsa]

13. My boyfriend went through a similar situation

with his daughter. She is 26.

Both excessive drinking and mental problems are involved.

Her mother, who lives in the same city, refused to rescue her
for the umpteenth time UNLESS she agreed to get treatment.

Like your daughter, she threatened the safety of an animal,
in this case a little kitten!

My BF,( also a recovering alkie) who lives 80 miles from her, was ready to drive down
and get her into a hospital- but she refused.
He was livid that she threatened the safety of the kitten!

That's when the mother intervened.

They will need rescuing- they are nuts when they are out there.

That's the time to get her into a hospital for help.

btw- BF's daughter is doing better.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

:hug: