Resentment

[varkam]

For about the past week or so I've been struggling to let go of some resentment. I won't go into the gory details, but suffice it to say that I mistakenly trusted someone I shouldn't of and then they tried to hurt me with the information that I gave them. They don't know that I know what they did, and I haven't confronted this person...though I no longer tell this person what I had for breakfast, much less what's going on in my life.

I've told several other people about this, and by all accounts I have every right to be upset. But here's the thing - I don't want to be upset. Someone once told me that having resentment towards another person is like you drinking the poison and then waiting for that person to die. That's very much how I see it - and so I'm just trying to let go of it. If I focus on my resentment for this person, then I know it will start to take precedence over my recovery which is something that I do not want to have happen.

So does anyone else here have any thoughts on resentment or on how to just let it go?

[NMDemDist2]

1. the only sure fire way I've found to lose a solid resentment is to

pray for the person.

since you are atheist/agnostic you can just send 'good wishes' to them in your meditation each day.

It usually starts out for me as "Give em what they deserve!!" and after a couple weeks, I have found I have forgiven them and me for setting myself up.

:hi:

[varkam]

2. Thanks, AZ.

That's actually what I've been trying to do. Easier said than done, for sure.

[FloridaJudy]

3. I agree with AZ

Harboring a resentment does the person holding it an injury, but does nothing to the person resented. I usually pray for the "growth in understanding" of those who've hurt me - my own words for a common Buddhist practice (and since Buddhism is a non-theistic religion, this works for me).

But - dang - sometimes I have to chuckle when their karma bites them in the butt. Hey, I never said I was a good Buddhist...

[CBHagman]

4. I'd say the fact that you want to change is a great sign.

You obviously know that the strongest action you can take is to deal with this and let it go.

That said, however, I think sometimes you have to work through the resentment, perhaps discuss it with a counselor. I don't think it's unreasonable or toxic to take a bit of time with it.

What I don't think would work is merely dismissing the act that brought on the resentment, or uttering blessings through clenched teeth. You have the right to mourn, to acknowledge what happened.