Hey guys, I'm back

[MediumBrownDog]

Just wanted to say "Hi." Thanks to everyone who has checked on me via PM and email.

First of all, I'm sober and have been since taking my new job July 1. It is a dream position, and the fear of screwing it up has kept me away from wine. However (and I posted as much as a reply to Journeyman's beautiful essay) I know that staying sober for work is not the answer. I have to stay sober for me. Working on that.

I still have days that I feel sorry for myself, watching people in restaurants and bars having that "one festive glass" of wine. In my profession, I can't avoid those situations. And I WANT that one glass of wine. But one would be three or five, and I know that now. ("Oh, that was a small pour." "Oh, restaurant glasses are smaller than mine at home, I can have another.") Not even one. Not for me.

So, I'm here. I visit this site every day, I just haven't posted. What I read here always gives me strength.

Love you all.

MBD

[NMDemDist2]

1. hey hey! what a treat to 'see' you!

so glad you checked in and are doing well

don't be a stranger please! :hi:

[MediumBrownDog]

2. Right back at 'ya

I missed you guys. I went through a period where I didn't even want to think about drinking or not drinking, I just amputated that part of my mind and focused 100% on the new job and my child. Hence my absence from this board.

However, I know that I can't remain sober alone. I'm not going to meetings, that's not me. I've given myself permission to craft out my own version of sobriety. It involves a LOT of yoga and meditation (Thanks for the Rolf Gates book recommendation, Wildeyed, I adore it. "Meditations from the Mat" is at my bedside) lots of lunches with girlfriends at places that do not serve wine (Panerra Bread, anyone?). One day, I'm sure I'll be able to go to a nice restaurant, order a Pellegrino, and not twitch. Not there yet, so I'm not setting myself up to fail.

Having all of you here to listen is the other crucial component. I won't be a stranger anymore. I need the company of friends.

Much love.

MBD

[NMDemDist2]

3. good for you! AA is not for everyone (the meetings anyway)

whatever it takes to make you a happy healthy person is great! Yoga is very cool.

:hug:

[MediumBrownDog]

4. The meetings are my problem.

The literature helps me immensely. I just don't like people that much. Ugly thing to admit about yourself, but hey, honesty with yourself is a big part of
AA from what I've read, soooooo....

Like I said. I'm blazing my own trail of sobriety. My life, my path. I have to be selfish right now. When I'm more confident, and more secure, I can help others. Right now, I'm sober by the skin of my fingernails. But definitely sober. Thank god for that.

[NMDemDist2]

5. lots of people got sober through the literature alone

check out the "Loners"

http://www.aa-loners.org/

[FloridaJudy]

6. I think it depends on the meetings

The ones heavily populated by the Big Book Thumpers who have no sense of humor whatsoever just make me want to go out and get loaded. I do have a great women's group full of goofy ladies who enjoy sharing belly laughs, chocolate and good coffee. That's worth more to me than all the expensive therapy in the world.

Whatever works for you is fine. Congrats on your continuing sobriety, and delighted to see you back! :hug:

[MediumBrownDog]

7. Thanks for putting into words what I was feeling, Judy.

"Big Book Thumpers." Krikey. They make me want to head for the closest anonymous bar.

I've had countless people tell me that I "have" to go to meetings to stay sober, but until I find a group like yours, that isn't going to happen. It's totally counterproductive. I cannot subject myself to situations that make me want to drink, and that includes humorless AA meetings.

I liked my Grandmas and Grandpas AA group for a while, but the reality of that group was that once the novelty of having me around wore off, they went back to their "coffee happy hour" thing and it stopped being helpful to me.

I hate to keep saying "ME ME ME ME" but I know that I have to put myself -- and my sobriety -- first.

I just treated myself to a nice hardcover copy of The Big Book. The more I read it, the better I feel. I have a soft cover, a pocket edition, and now the tome that will sit on my nightstand. Toddlers are hell on books, I needed a rough and tumble edition!

Thanks for welcoming me back. I'm happy to be back.

Much love. MBD

[NMDemDist2]

8. I'm so sorry there's no humor at the groups you attended

we were laughing like mad yesterday as the topic veered into 'man on dog sex' and amends

you had to be there......


:rofl:

:hide:

[KitchenWitch]

9. Those are the kind of meetings I love!

:rofl:

[Kajsa]

11. Judy, I'm so glad you said that!

I've posted a few times that some meetings( very few, now)
have actually made me want to drink, afterwords.

Finding the right meetings is paramount, and it takes work.

Thanks for sharing that!

:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

10. I am glad you are well!

Keep reading, keep checking in here, and keep the cork in the bottle!

:hug:

[Kajsa]

12. Welcome back, MBD.

It's so good to see you here.

It takes what it takes to get sober,
but you are on the right track.

:hug:

A word of unsolicited advice,

Not all meetings are the same.
Finding good ones take work but
oh, are they worth it!
;-)

[wildeyed]

13. Hey MBD, welcome back!

Rolf is cool, yes? I did a weekend yoga clinic with him once.

I have an uncle who got sober using biofeedback techniques. He has been sober a while, too, so it seems to be working for him.

I have an aunt who told me, to my face, that she was too intelligent for AA meetings, and I am thinking, I may not be as smart as you, but I didn't have a drink today :rofl:

I really don't think she realized what she implied when she said that, but it was too funny. Not that you were thinking that or anything, just a funny story ;)