You Can't Always Get What You Want

[varkam]

My fiance, Sarah, and I have broken up. We've been together (or rather, were together) for three years. The past year has proved a very difficult one, with me coming to grips with my addiction, being convicted of a crime, and getting kicked out of school. It wasn't because of any of that though - we went through therapy and actually we were doing better than ever. She's been struggling with her sexuality for the past several months and has decided that she is a lesbian...so we broke up.

I still love her and care about her deeply, and consider her a friend. She feels the same way about me. It still hurts though. I wanted to retreat into my addiction, but decided against it because I realized that I can't hide from the pain - it'll find me sooner or later.

So here I am, single and still sober. Tomorrow will be a better day.

[KitchenWitch]

1. I am sorry!

Losing a relationship is difficult. I am glad you are still in recovery!

:hug:

[Kajsa]

2. I am sorry, Varkam.

It is very tough to go through a breakup.

I'm glad you're hanging in there and staying sober.

And your outlook is great!

Tomorrow will be a better day.

:hug:

[FloridaJudy]

3. I'm sorry varkam

Broken relationships are hard on everyone, but doubly so for us alcoholic/addicts - we have so little experience in dealing with the pain in a sane manner.

But here's a cyberhug. :hug:

[SPKrazy]

4. very sorry Varkam

hang in there man

:hug:

single and sober is better than single and strung out or acting out.

[LearnedHand]

5. Oh, I'm so very sorry

But watch out for that addiction Math:

- I feel very bad, so it's time to drink/use
- I feel very good, so it's time to drink/use
- etc.

IOW, (anything at all that happens in life) = (time to drink/use)

[varkam]

6. Isn't it funny it works like that?

I can be happy, angry, lonely, sad, or just plain numb and still use it as an excuse to go and destroy what I'm working towards.

After times of great turmoil, in the past I have always turned to my addiction or some other equally self destructive behavior (such as driving recklessly -- I remember once driving at 3am on the interstate going maybe 80-90mph, seat belt off, eyes closed...I was positively suicidal). This time around, I have been more mindful for things like that trying to creep in - and try they have. I've been more successful with it this time around because I was expecting it, though not that I haven't made some mistakes the past couple days in my thinking.