My brother threatened to kill himself on Friday night... (x-post from lounge)

[A-Long-Little-Doggie]

again... He is 48 and has been an alcoholic since he was about 12. His drinking has cost him 2 families, including 6 kids, multiple jobs, and 18 months in prison. Every time we think he has hit that proverbial "bottom" he just comes back up long enough to find something else to fuck up. He was thrown out of his last house by his 2nd wife, and is not allowed to see his kids. He hasn't seen them for 5 months. She is a vindictive little bitch but I do have some understanding as to why she is doing this.

He has been living with/mooching off of one of my sisters since he was thrown out. She was out Friday night when all this happened, so he called another sister to tell her what he was doing. When sister1 got home he was in his room surrounded by sharp objects, but he only had a couple of scratches.

He has been in rehab 3 times THIS MONTH and has been detoxed each time. My sisters were able to get him into another rehab on Saturday. He told them he would be out by Sunday. As of today he is still there, but is still under the illusion that he is "cured". Clueless... We are looking into something called Section 35, which in Massachusetts gives blood relatives the ability to get alcoholics committed for 30 days. He is already flipping out about that. And my sister has told him that he will not be able to live with her any more. He is bombarding both of these 2 sisters with all kinds of guilt-trip stuff. But I know for sure that he would never ask to live with me, for reasons you can probably figure out.

So why am I writing all of this?? I don't really know. I feel so helpless, but pissed at the same time. He has played the victim card since he was a child, and on some level that must be getting to me.

Any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated...:cry:

[NMDemDist2]

1. tell him it's a 30 day (or longer) residential treatment program or else

you refuse to have anything else to do with him

they call it "tough love" for a reason.

then get you and who ever else is enabling him to an Alanon group pronto!

here's the number in MA [phone]

http://www.ma-al-anon-alateen.org/new.html

:hug:

I know it's awful and hard, but you need to protect your family and sanity.

edit to add the Alanon 20 questions

These 20 questions are designed to help you decide whether you need Al-Anon.

1. Do you worry about how much someone drinks?
2. Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking?
3. Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking?
4. Do you feel that if the drinker loved you, he or she would stop drinking to please you?
5. Do you blame the drinker's behavior on his or her companions?
6. Are plans frequently upset or canceled or meals delayed because of the drinker?
7. Do you make threats, such as, "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you"?
8. Do you secretly try to smell the drinker's breath?
9. Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
10. Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behavior?
11. Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking?
12. Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse?
13. Do you search for hidden alcohol?
14. Do you often ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking?
15. Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?
16. Do you sometimes feel like a failure when you think of the lengths you have gone to control the drinker?
17. Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?
18. Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker?
19. Do you feel angry, confused or depressed most of the time?
20. Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?

[A-Long-Little-Doggie]

2. Thanks for that...

I didn't answer yes to any of the questions, which is why he wouldn't ever ask to live with me. The sister he has been living with does have a history of enabling. She is the one I need to support to help her stay strong.

We have a large family and I think he has screwed with every one of us. We need to stick together and make him get help or else.

[FloridaJudy]

3. I fear thirty days wouldn't do it

Someone who's as far gone as your brother sounds would probably relapse as soon as he got out. Heck, I've seen people relapse within a day of graduating from a six-month residential program - and that was one of the best programs in the world (Wayside House). Eric Clapton relapsed after finishing a year at Hazelton, but apparently the second stay took: he's been sober for decades now.

Check into longer programs. Maybe when your brother is ready, he'll listen to reason. But a thirty day program is a start. At least you'll get a worry-free month out of it.

And in the meantime, do try Al-Anon. It can't hurt. :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

5. OMG!

I am a graduate of Wayside House - went there after primary rehab.

:hi:

[FloridaJudy]

6. Sister!

Wow. It really is a small world! It's not as if the place is that huge: they only take 24 women at most.

It didn't use to be a six month program, though. A friend of mine went through it 12 years ago, and then it was only three months then.

[Kajsa]

4. All the above and

a big :hug:

Don't let him pull any guilt trips on you.

You and your sisters need to check out Al-Anon.

It's a way to get some sanity back in your lives.

:grouphug: