How do I help my husband

[yasmina27]

I'm at the point of disgust. The only reason I stay with him is for my kids.

He has been a heavy drinker since I met him, so I can't say that I didn't know. But what I didn't know was how much worse it would get.

Without going into all the whys and wherefores, he has been in out-patient alcohol rehab twice in the last 12 years. Two years ago, he almost lost his job because of alcohol. He still sees a therapist every 2 weeks (has her snowed that he has quit), and refuses to take his anti-depressants.

He talks constantly about dying soon (but he wants to see his granddaughter, due in march, first), about what a piece of shit he is, if if wasn't for his kids (2 sons from a previous marriage and 2 daughters - ours) he would have died long ago. Tonight he talked about killing our family pets - 2 cats and 2 dogs. He would never do it. But still, it was unnerving. I wanted to lash out at him that the cats were mine before we got married, and the dogs, I ASKED him it was ok before I got each one and he was fine with it both times. It's not like I just brought home strays w/o his knowledge.

I know it's the alcohol and depression talking, but I can't seem to do anything.

I talked to him, tried to cajole, got mad at him, nothing makes a difference.

I'm tired.

[Kajsa]

1. Yasmina, call his therapist ASAP and tell

her about his threats to kill your animals.

This is serious stuff!
No one in his right mind threatens to do that.

This hits very close to home for me.
I can't elaborate, but one of my SO's family members just
went through this. Same fucking threat! She got help,
immediately. She is doing much better,now.

If the therapist won't help,call your family doctor.

He needs to get into a treatment facility ASAP.

This crap escalates,quickly- you don't want to go there.

Get in touch with Alanon in your area.
You need a support base right now.

Please let us know how you are doing.

:hug:

Edit- Don't try to reason with someone who is temporarily insane.
Work on getting help for him AND for you- you need a lot
of support right now.

[Justpat]

2. Try to get yourself to Al-Anon as soon as you can.

You need some support for yourself and to be with people who are going through the same thing
and have found strength and confidence in their lives instead of despair and sadness.

If he has been in rehab he must know about the program. Does he not want to go to meetings?

Keep in touch.

[bearfan454]

3. He has to want to help himself first.

That's what I would think.

[ejbr]

4. anti-depressents

if he is not taking them because of bad side effects, he should consider taking something else. Why he would choose to be miserable rather than trying to be happier makes no sense. Maybe you should organize an intervention with the therapist and include your kids and other close family members as appropriate.

Good luck!

[MrsBrady]

5. i suggest this:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

[KitchenWitch]

6. Welcome to DU and to our group here!

:hi:

[Critters2]

7. I just recommended Al-Anon to a parishioner today.

You can't change him. But you need to take care of yourself. Find an Al-Anon meeting if you can.

[MrsBrady]

8. don't tell her that....not yet....lol

tell her she can "fix the problem" if she goes to Al-anon. And she will, just maybe not the way she thought :)