What is Codependency?

[NMDemDist2]

My good feelings about who I am stem from being
liked by you.

My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving
approval from you.

Your struggles affect MY serenity.

MY mental attention focuses on solving YOUR problems or relieving YOUR pain.

My mental attention is focused on PLEASING YOU.

My mental attention is focused on PROTECTING YOU.

My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to
"to do it my way".

My self-esteem is bolstered by solving YOUR problem.

My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving YOUR pain.

My own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time
is spent sharing YOUR interests and hobbies.

YOUR clothing and personal appearance is dictated by
my desires as I feel that YOU ARE A REFLECTION OF ME.

YOUR behavior is dictated by my desires as I feel
that YOU ARE A REFLECTION OF ME.

I AM NOT AWARE OF HOW I FEEL. I am aware of how YOU
feel. I am not aware of what I want. I ask what YOU
want. IF I AM NOT AWARE I ASSUME.

The dreams that I have for MY future are linked to YOU.

My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.

My fear of YOUR anger determines what I say or do.

I use GIVING as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.

My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with YOU.

I put MY values aside in order to connect with YOU.

I value YOUR opinion and way of doing things MORE THAN MY OWN.

The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.

Just thought I'd share.....

[KitchenWitch]

1. But, do you LIKE me?

I know, spank me.

:hi:

Great post.

[NMDemDist2]

2. I lurve you!!!!

but if you're having a bad day, it doesn't mean I have to too :rofl:

:loveya:

[KitchenWitch]

3. True true!

:loveya:

[fizzgig]

4. i see a good deal of myself in this

i'm trying to break it, but it's hard

thanks azdem :hug:

[NMDemDist2]

6. progress not perfection kag.....

with faith and baby steps

:hug:

I loved the speaker tape of Gorski talking to the CODA conference when he says "Date BORING people" and "if the fireworks go off when your eyes meet from across the room.... WALK THE OTHER WAY!!"

:rofl:

[Kajsa]

7. What AZDem said,

:hug:

[Why Syzygy]

5. ack!

Get out of my mail :D

[Kajsa]

8. Great post, AZDem!

I worked through a lot of this, especially in my
first year of sobriety.

I'm still working on it- and that's a good thing.

No- I'm not channeling Martha Stewart. :rofl:

:loveya: too!

[NMDemDist2]

9. yup, we all do. sober up an alkie and you have an alanon (or CODA)

we all have to work on growing every day

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

10. Unfortunately You Have Been Reading My Mail

having just been handed my walking papers from a relationship where I think I have become very codependent, as a way to avoid me, I have also lost me.

I am struggling with feelings that I haven't felt since I was young. My marriage didn't fall apart in a day, and the sadness was spread out over time.

This relationship seemingly fell apart in a day. Although it probably wasn't that way for them. It took courage for them to say what they had to say. You see i love this person and the pain is fresh still. We are trying to see if we can be friends. She isn't sure she can or even wants to. She asked me if my wanting to be friends was just another way of holding on for me. I said no. But honestly I don't know. It might be. I don't want to let it go. I have to.

I have not ever been in a codependent relationship like this that I know of. What I think is love, may or may not be. I believe there is love. I also know there is obsession.

I'm glad that I can post this here and feel okay about it.

:grouphug:

:hug: :hug:

I know that I matter here, and everywhere