Help For My Son...

[Bzzzz]

My son is in rehab at the Water Shed in Florida. He's finally acknowledged that he's an alcoholic and pill addict. He's 30 years old and has hit absolute rock bottom. He was living with friends in Georgia with nothing to his name except his clothes and an 8" TV, which he pawned for $5.00. He will be in rehab for 30 days and then I don't know what will become of him. My elderly parents and I have helped him all we can. My husband will not allow him to come and live with us, because he has stolen and destroyed our property in years past and I can't blame him. My parents cannot take him in, either. His father lives in Florida, but doesn't seem willing to help him, even though he has been in rehab himself twice and is a recovering alcoholic. My son calls me daily, stressed because he doesn't want to be homeless when he's released. On top of that, the airlines lost his luggage when he flew to The Water Shed and his clothes were all he had to his name. I'm at a loss and don't know where to turn to help him...:cry:

[NMDemDist2]

1. I know right now it seems very dark and frightening

you say his Dad is close and in recovery?

You may want to listen to your ex, he's probably on the right track. How long has you son been on treatment? I'm surprised he can call every day since most treatment center's tend to keep you in 'lockdown' for a period of time.

I suggest you find an Alanon Family Group near your home and go to a few meetings. They will have excellent advice for you on how you can be supportive.

Hang in there :hug:

http://www.al-anonfamilygroups.org/meetings/meeting.html

[Bzzzz]

3. He checked in...

one week ago this past Wednesday. He was released from restriction yesterday, but his doctor/therapist has let him make phone calls since arriving. We've sent him new clothes, $$ for cigarettes, etc. and a phone card. Thanks for the advice on Alanon. I'll look up our nearest group. I appreciate the advice. It's just so very hard right now and I'm at a complete loss.

[NMDemDist2]

5. definately do go

and read some of these articles in the mean time, they may give you some hope (and keep you busy so you don't worry yourself sick)

http://www.al-anonfamilygroups.org/forum.html

[elleng]

2. Bzzz, I don't have an answer for you right now,

but I think you've got to tell him that, one way or another, you will help him find some place. DON'T let him go through another day worried about where he'll go when he's finished the program.

Folks here will put our heads together with you, and come up with ideas.

Peace to both of you.

[Bzzzz]

4. Thanks elleng...

I've told him to just focus on one day at a time and things will work out, but I really don't know where he's going to go. I can't forego my marriage, but I can't desert him, either. He's very clever about using people to his advantage and has alienated just about everyone who's ever cared about him. Sad thing is he was a very, very intelligent young man and had the world by the balls at one time.

[elleng]

6. That's the way it is with these 'characters,' Bzzzz,

"things will work out" doesn't do it for me, but if he's REALLY worried, I'd give him whatever relief you can by telling him you'll do what it takes to help. If he's really worried, it may be because he recognizes the harm he's done in the past.

How long has he been in the facility? How did he get there? How long has he been sober?

I like the idea of contacting his father.

People at the facility may be able to help.

E

[Bzzzz]

7. He's been in and sober for...

eleven days. The Water Shed flew him to their facility. He was there before a few years ago, but checked himself out after one week. His father hasn't been in his life for quite some time. My parents have made contact with my ex and he's said that he will go and visit him and call him, but my son hasn't heard from him yet. We are just hoping that he will let him stay with him just until he can find a job and get a place of his own, but my ex's wife isn't very supportive of the idea. They have a 17 year old daughter who's within 3 weeks of delivering a baby and my son said the step-mother indicated there just wasn't the room, but then again, there never has been in her world.

[elleng]

8. Bzzz, eleven days isn't a very long time.

Why'd they fly him in?

Check with them to learn what they think and might be able to help him find. Doesn't father's situation doesn't sound promising for anything but the shortest term. And your parents are involving themselves? Too complicated for me to get a grip on, but its not my business!

Do do Alanon, for yourself.

[Bzzzz]

9. This particular clinic...

provides transportation to and from rehab. In his case, it's a blessing. I know it's not been very long, but at least he's making another attempt. His grandparents have always been involved. He's been the 'favored' grandchild since he was born and they have been enablers for a long, long time. For 13 years I have bailed him out of situation after situation, but I cannot continue to do so. I appreciate just being able to come here and vent to those who understand. I will take your advice. Thanks for the ear.

[Kajsa]

10. Bzz, most rehabs I know of have

connections with or lists of sober living facilities.

Every major city has them.

Please find out what's available in his area.

I'll be keeping both of you in my prayers.

I'm glad you came here to share your story with us.

:hug:

[Laurab]

11. Hi - I just discovered this group.

I'm a recovering alcoholic who will be 23 years sober in May, God willing.

Where I live, (near Buffalo, NY), there are all kinds of halfway houses that take people who have just gotten out of rehab, and house them for a year to 18 months, then work with them on their future plans. A friend just got out of one. I'm not sure how they're funded, but I believe it's either the county or the state - they get a stipend for housing and medicare I believe.

The halfway houses are larger groups - there's not a whole lot of freedom, there are things they have to do (attend meetings, cook dinner for the house, etc), they're pretty regimented. When they decided someone is ready to leave, they can either go out on their own, or be a candidate for some kind of assisted living arrangement, where they still get a monthly housing allowance (not much), but if a few "graduates" get together, they can share a place - in my friends case, he moved in with his sponsor - they'd known each other for years.

Many choose to go back to school, some go directly to work, but the main idea is that they'll have a good solid piece of sobriety behind them. You should check around and see what you can find - I would guess there's something similar in your area, or your exes, or wherever your son was living.

Good luck.

[NMDemDist2]

12. hi Laurab

welcome!!

:hi:


and excellent advice too :yourock:

[Laurab]

15. Thank you!!

:hi:

[FloridaJudy]

13. If he's at the Watershed

He's in the Boca/Palm Beach area. That's where I went for treatment: they've got some really good Recovery groups there. I'd urge him to check into a half-way house, or consider residential treatment when he finishes his thirty days. Call Watershed and ask about follow-up treatment. There are some excellent places in Del Ray beach, but there are some lousy ones too: http://www.gainesvillesun.com/article/20071118/NEWS/711180301

The staff at Watershed should be able to steer him to one of the better places.

Good luck. And here's a hug. :hug:

[Bzzzz]

14. Thank you...

so much for the info. I will call his Dr. and see what I can find out. Today evidently was not a good day for him. He called, but was crying and wouldn't converse. I know he will have many of these 'bad' days. You all are my support group right now and I sincerely appreciate being able to come here and share my troubles with those who understand. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

[Justpat]

16. There is a big recovery community in Delray Beach too.

We are glad you are here and do what we can to help another suffering alcoholic.


:hug:


The South Palm Beach County intergroup can give you the name of some places
there in FL where you can look into half way houses, meetings, etc.
561 276-4581 I don't know if that number is still good. I used to go to meeings
down there when we went to Fl with the racehorses.