"I'm not comfortable being around you when I'm drinking and you're not."

[JimmyJazz]

Has anyone else ever heard that or something similar? Damn. That bothered me.

I thought I did really well in DC - let's face it, most of the people there drank copious amounts of alcohol and I got bloated and burpy on tonic water with lime :(

But, I learned that I make people uncomfortable. And, I'm not faulting the person who said that to me. I admire and respect their honesty. I just wonder how many OTHER people were thinking that, but didn't have the guts to tell me to my face.

[wakemeupwhenitsover]

1. I think it says more about them than it does about you.

Maybe you just wanted to hear from people who were at DC (obviously I wasn't) but I just had to respond. I have lots of friends who don't drink & lots who do. Somehow we all manage to party together & there's no problem. Believe me, if there was a problem I would have heard.

Are these people you know well? Or just see occasionally? I guess how you handle it from here on depends on which group they fall into.

Good for you for sticking to tonic water.

:) :hug: :you rock:

all the best

[JimmyJazz]

7. I didn't just want the opinion of those who went to DC - I want

your opinion, too. I'm not uncomfortable being in a bar at all. I wasn't the least bit tempted to drink. But, I think maybe some people thought that I might be and they were feeling guilty for drinking in front of me. I don't want people to feel that way AT ALL.

I was quite happy being sober. I got to go on the march without a hangover and without having to wonder if I said something stupid, particularly in front of EarlG and skinner.

Thanks for your input. :)

[wakemeupwhenitsover]

8. Okay, I think I've got it.

(Sorry, sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake. :) ) You're not wondering about the people in DC being uncomfortable or feeling guilty for drinking around you so much as you're hoping your friends that you still go to the bars with in your hometown are comfortable. Is that right? And you don't want them to feel like they can't drink with you there.

If I've got it right, then I guess you could just come out & ask them how they feel. And tell them that you're fine in a setting where others are drinking. You're real friends are going to support you every step of the way. And if some of them are uncomfortable I think it could mean they're worried about their own alcohol intake.

And double kudos for not being the least tempted to drink. To me that shows how committed you are.

best

[KitchenWitch]

2. JJ, once you have been sober awhile

People will truly not notice whether you are drinking or not. Really. And I agree, that it is more a reflection on the person saying they are uncomfortable than on you.

I am very proud of you!

:hug:

[JimmyJazz]

3. Thanks.

It was really great to meet skinner and EarlG and other people and to walk away from the evening not having to worry about what I said or what I did (that's refreshing in and of itself). But, to be told I made someone uncomfortable was weird, too. I'm not trying to be pious or self serving in any way- I'm just trying to be me.

[KitchenWitch]

4. Yeah, that is sad

It will happen less and less. People need to get used to you not drinking. Once they do, there will no longer be any discomfort at your not drinking to them.

[JimmyJazz]

5. Will they get to the point where they won't notice?

I'm still me, you know? At what point do I get to stop being "drunk Donna" and just get to be "Donna?"

[KitchenWitch]

6. Eventually they will get to that point

Be patient, my friend. After a year or so, they will just see you!

[RetroLounge]

9. Don't let it bother you/

They are uncomfortable because it makes them look at themselves, and that isn't something they want to do.

I usually respond by asking them why it is so important to them whether I drink or not.

Usually ends the issue.

Proud of you!

:hug:

RL

[JimmyJazz]

11. Thank you.

That means a lot to me.

I'm not uncomfortable being around people who are drinking any more than I'm uncomfortable being around people who smoke. Okay - I'm more uncomfortable being around people who smoke, but not because I want a cigarette - it's because breathing is so difficult :)

Anyway, seeing someone else drink isn't a trigger for me. I think that's the point I'm trying to make.

[ismnotwasm]

10. Probably not too many

Most people are not alcoholics. They know when someone drinks "too much" including themselves, but they're really not alkies. That means they don't think about it too much. The ones uncomfortable around sobriety aren't necessarily alcoholics either, but when you drink and it's still fun, you "let it all hang out" so to speak. You get to be a little freer with your actions, a little more social. If you're surrounded by like-minded drinkers, you're having a lot fun, even if you're embarrassing yourself a little bit.(or a lot) Of course we sober ones (hopefully) have learned to have just as much fun without alcohol, but I've seen the occasional person being uncomfortable a non-drinker.

[Tallison]

12. When I used to drink

those who didn't made me uncomfortable, because in large part they reminded me of how much I did. Such writing on the wall. :shrug: