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Edited on Sun Aug-24-08 02:50 PM by KCabotDullesMarxIII
Your words, "It was painful to give up trying to control my life, even though success eluded me," reminded me of something I was going to post, and had forgotten:
As a young man, I seemed to lack motivation (not ambition. That's a plus in my book) and just kind of bodged my way through my work. Maybe because I'd thought that everything seemed to come easily to me. Well, in terms of non-scientific/mathematical studies, I suppose there was some truth in it, but when I thought of it recently (and your post reminded me), I doubled up with laughter, because the intervening years seem to have been a continual education to me, as to how inept and incompetent I am compared to just about anyone else I've ever met. I marvel at apparently, fairly ordinary skills most people have and seem to take for granted!
Anyway, one day I got chatting to an old Polish cafe proprietor (seemed old to me...), who had been a pilot during WWII. He soon seemed to pick up on what was ailing me, and told me that whatever task I was doing - even something as humble as sweeping the floor - I should do it to the best of my ability. To most people, frankly, I think it was all a matter of common sense, but to me it was a kind of revelation.
The next day, at work, I was entering figures relating to the sales of seeds, plants etc, in a ledger, and instead of just kind of scribbling in the entries, I began to take pains to write at least clearly! And you, know, with it, my whole attitude to life changed. It was a really major, crucial turning point in my life. Maybe that makes me like that character in the film, The Jerk, but if so, I'm happy, and that's all that counts with me. Well, other people's happiness is also a consideration or I wouldn't be DUer, but you know what I mean. Also reminiscent of some of the wisdom you quoted in a post here, Pecos.
That advice also tied in with the Christian principle of working at whatever you're working at for the glory of God, and in the end, I got to enjoy my unskilled, factory work (the more repetitive the better) and labouring, so much, that I think I sometimes came across as a kind of fink! You know the way Cool Hand Luke got the lads all working away "ten to the dozen" laying that road, and really having a ball - to the utter consternation and bafflement of the psycho warder with the mirror specs - well, in a modest sort of way, that was me. And I'll tell you, it was great feeling physically at the end of the day.
But the old, Polish, WWII pilot was such an interesting guy. He pointed to the items on the shelves behind him and said that he'd arranged them in such a way as to always minimise his efforts - ergonomic; and that as pilots in WWII, they could be called upon to fly all sorts of different aircraft, at very short notice. I don't remember if they even had to have flown them before. I suspect not. Anyway, he used to keep his ears peeled for what the other pilots said about the peculiarities/weaknesses of the aircraft they had flown, and he said that on more than one occasion, that knowledge had saved his life.
(I am KCabotDulleMarxIII and I approve this message).
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