Hi, I'm Lisa and I'm an alcoholic. And I'm not doing so well, these days.

[Rhiannon12866]

Most of DU knows me as Rhiannon, and I answer to that, but Rhiannon was my cat. I adopt rescue animals. At the moment, I just have one dog, but I'm not there for him, or for myself. Though I did manage to get myself up and out today, took him to the doggy class I enrolled him in.

I must appear pretty miserable, and to write out what I'm going through is a very long and unpleasant story, but the vet tech at my vet's wrote out the name of a church for me that has support groups, said they helped her friend. I told her that I'm a liberal atheist, but she said that they wouldn't care.

I've been off of DU for a couple of weeks because of a promise I made, but we all know that alcoholics break promises. I have been incredibly stupid, and I'm scared all of the time. I started drinking again because the person I care for most in this world actually attempted to kill me.

I've got to be a real downer for everyone I know who's been there for me, but I'm scared and feel incredibly alone. But I did remember this group on DU, have read some of the posts for inspiration, and one thing that I do know is that no one on earth is more supportive than fellow DUers. Hell, I've tried to be one of them.

So I'm here. Thanks to whomever started this group.

Rhiannon aka Lisa :grouphug:

edited for grammar...

[NMDemDist2]

1. Hi Lisa, welcome

sorry it took so long to get a response and I'm sorry you are having a rough time.

We all have had rough times in our lives, it's just part of living. Drinking never made any problems I had better, I just ended up with more problems.

Hold your pup close, get to a meeting with other alcoholics, get professional help, do what ever it takes to get through one more day. I know it may seem overwhelming right this minute while you're in the middle of it, but tomorrow will come and things will get better.

:hug:

[Rhiannon12866]

2. Thank you, AZ.

Your posts were some of the ones that I read that gave me hope. Thanks for replying to me.

And I do have professional help, talked to my very kind therapist who's helping me through this, and the also kind doctor who removed the staples from my head, but I'm still a mess, despite kindness. I just want to wake up and discover that this horror show is just a bad dream. Guess I'm spoiled, not used to such bad times and am not dealing with them very well.

But your point is well taken, regarding my pup. He's also having a hard time and doesn't have the advantage of my understanding. He's okay, got him examined at my vet today and they were all kind and glad to see him. He was rescued by a vet tech who used to work there, so they are always glad to see him.

But I do feel that I let him down, making such a mess of my life and he misses his "pack," my BF, whom he loves, and his dog, whom he bonded with. I just want to go home, but I can't, and that's what is hurting so much...;(

[NMDemDist2]

3. Sounds like this one will take a while, go for a little better every day

every day do something to show progress, not matter how small and insignificant

it's tough, but it won't last forever.

:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

4. Sorry I am so late in responding to this

First off, welcome to our little corner of DU. There is, as you can see, some very good support here.

In my experience, staying sober has been impossible for me without face to face support. It sounds like you have a good therapist and doctor, and have been giving a list of meetings to go to. Please do go. If they are AA meetings you will find something in common with at least one person there. I am really glad you came in here, that took some courage.

Please keep us posted about how you are doing.

:hug:

[Kajsa]

5. I'm glad you're here, Lisa.

It will be rough at times, but remember ( this helped me a lot!)
drinking over it will only give you the problems, AND the guilt
and remorse of drinking on top of it.

That's too much!

Like AZDem and Kitchy said, try to get to some meetings ASAP.
Find one where you are comfortable sharing your story with others.

Please let us know how you are doing, OK?

Thanks for your hard work helping animals.

:hug:

[Rhiannon12866]

6. Thank you all. I'm still here, but still not doing so well.

I just want to go home, as does my dog, but I know that this isn't possible. We're alone and I miss the man whom I love, and loves my dog, but he hurt me, terribly. I spent hours in the ER, and am pretty much a mess. But he would never hurt a dog.

I know that this sounds like something from "Cops," which I used to write about for my job, but the cop who interviewed me said that this is nothing unusual. I went to boarding school and summer camp, privileged childhood, but the man I love tried to beat my head in with some sort of object.

I don't know what to think or what to do. Yes, I'm safe now, which seems to be anything anyone's concerned about, but I want my life back, which I know is impossible. Me and my little dog, who is very mixed up, as well. He bonded with my guy, since I had two dogs, and the other one was very close to me. It's the breed, one person dogs. But he's all I have now, maybe I should look to him, since I have always looked after the other person first.

I miss my life, where I did things. I feel useless now. But I will vote, important election. I miss discussing it with my SO...
Lisa ;(

[Kajsa]

7. Lisa, you have been through hell AND

you're trying to sober up at the same time.

I know you miss your previous life- many of us did- BUT
that's in the past now, hard as that sounds.

That past would kill us if we let it.

That especially applies to your situation.

Bond with your dog as much as possible, find a sponsor, even
a temporary sponsor to get you through this rough time.

But Please!- You are a good person!

You deserve a better life where you feel safe!

i.e. you are not safe with your SO.

:hug:

[FloridaJudy]

8. Lisa -

Glad you're here. If I can offer a bit of advice, try to find an all women's group. You'll feel a lot safer there, and you'd be amazed how many of us have gone through something like this. Don't sweat the "God" thing: I had some problems with that at the beginning myself and still do when people get to pushing their own concept of a Higher Power. I'm an Agnostic/Wiccan/Unitarian/Buddhist, and I tend to run like hell when people bring up the G word. You just gotta find your own interpretation of something greater than yourself (I spent my first year handing my problems over to Mount Everest - she's a big mountain, and she can take it).

If you ever need to vent, we're here 24/7. But I'd suggest finding a group IRL. You'd be amzed what a difference it makes.

[Joe Chi Minh]

9. It's only recently occurred to me how deeply shocked you have been,

and before you can begin to adapt your world-view and thoughts for the future, you seem to be needing a kind of mourning period.
Apart from that, you know I've been thinking along the lines of kajsa.

[SPKrazy]

10. Oh My Gosh!!!

I'm Steve and I'm an Alcoholic, and I am freaked that someone would try to kill you. You have always been such a sweet person to me and a friend. I'm glad you found this group and hope that you can hang in there.

Thank HP that you weren't killed.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Justpat]

11. I hope you are OK.

Anyone who tries to kill you is not your friend/lover. I hope by now you have
found the support you need and the simple kindness that you deserve.

much love to you, OB


:hug: