Having a tough time right now....

[CraftyGal]

Today is the anniversary of my foster father's death. I was doing okay until I watched a program that hubby and I taped. Two of the main charachters were put in some bad situations. One made and one didn't. The one that didn't make it was the father of one of the other charachters. I just broke out in heart breaking fut wrenching sobs. TrogL had already gone to bed so he is unaware as to how I am feeling.

I had not expected this reaction and it brought me back to the day I was notified of Dad's death. I also had to console my son who was only 9 years old. It was a very difficult time for both of us. I don't want to drink. Just needed to share where I am at. I think I will be heading to a meeting today at noon. Hopefully I will get some sort of sleep.

CraftyGal

[elleng]

1. Thinking of you, Gal.

.

[NMDemDist2]

2. I have a painful anniversary and my grief often comes out 'sideways'

it's part of the recovery process, all those darned feelings happen

feel it but don't wallow, own it so you can start to let it go. I refused for so long to own my pain, I'd push it away, I'd drink or drug it away, I'd deny and minimize and anything else I could think of to escape it.

Once I allowed myself to feel it (along with all the regrets, guilt, anger and fear) and name it and own it, I started to get over it. I started to heal.

Give yourself permission to grieve and be gentle with yourself.

:hug:

[Joe Chi Minh]

3. Well, though it's a cliche, it is cathartic to be able to grieve, and I'm glad for you, in a way,

CraftyGal, as I don't think there's a way round it, or that it's negative, ? Just someting to be lived through.

(Should have read your post first, Pecos)

[FloridaJudy]

4. They say when you quit drinking you feel better.

You feel grief better, you feel anger better, you feel regret better...

You just have to allow yourself those feelings. Sharing them here helps. Sharing them with a close friend or in a meeting helps even better.

I've discovered there are certain things I can't watch in recovery. Netflix recommended "La Vie en Rose" to me. Usually their suggestions are pretty accurate, even if they do think I'm a Chinese-speaking Hispanic Lesbian Buddhist - at least they got one out of four right. But I had to give up half way through the film: watching that poor woman drink herself to death brought up too many bad memories.

Maybe you're grieving now because you couldn't then. I've certainly had that experience.

[CraftyGal]

6. Thank you...

It was true, I have never been able to grieve his death. I think I was numb through everything. Had to deal with his family and make funeral arrangements and help his common-law wife deal with the house, find a will (there was none) and figure out what Dad would have wanted with everyone falling apart all around me. There was aslo my son, who had never lost anyone who was close to him. I was also drinking at the time which didn't help.

I never know where these are going to come from. The show was Knight Rider, which is a "fluff" show with no real issues or substance. So imagine my shock when that was how they ended the show with Dr. Graiman dying in a plain crash and Mike Knight having to tell his daughter, Sarah that he died in the crash. Her one consolation? She had been able to tell her father that she loved him.

So that was brought up all these feelings. I am doing better.

CraftyGal

[Lincolngirl]

5. It's Ironic...

I was coming on here to post about a situation I'm going through right now. Am working through some emotions I have not let myself feel before, have just stuffed by drinking, and I read your post.
I can't tell you how much it helps. Seems strange, but another little surprise for me. What you need is there when you need it.

I'm glad you don't want to drink over it, and that you shared with us. Please know you helped me today. A lot.

[Brucie Kibbutz]

7. Sorry you're having a rough time.

Glad to hear you don't want to drink. stay strong

[Kajsa]

8. We start feeling things again.

I know that sounds cliche, but it is so true.

Like my dad, one of us, told me
when I first got sober.

" Kajsa, you are going to feel everything,
the good and the bad feelings again.

The trick is knowing what to do when
they hit."

He died eleven years ago, clean and sober.

Hang in there,CraftyGal.

You'll get through this.

:hug: