I'm not in AA or anything but I quit drinking 2 1/2 weeks ago

[FlyingSquirrel]

It's been pretty hard. I host karaoke in a bar and I love to sing karaoke so I don't want to give it up.

Sucks to be me I guess. I did have half a glass of wine on my wife's birthday a week ago when we went out for dinner. Probably should count that.

[Justpat]

1. Yes, you should count the half glass of wine as a drink

It gets easier as the days go by but, speaking for myself, without a support system of other sober people, it is
difficult to imagine yourself as a sober person for long.


Hang in there. Try meetings. No one throws a lasso around you when you go. If you don't like it - try
something else.


All the best to you...

[Kajsa]

2. Ditto on everything Justpat said.

( Man, I've got to get use to these new names! :) )

Yeah, it's hard.

A support system of fellow recovering alcoholics
will be there when you go through the rough periods,

when the insanity returns,
and when
the physical addiction kicks in.

This is too much to handle alone.

Find a group you are comfortable with.

Let us know how you are doing, OK?

:hug:

[Brucie Kibbutz]

3. Have you discussed sobriety with your wife?

You might want to do that. One of the keys to my own sobriety has been staying away from bars. I think you should try that.

[FlyingSquirrel]

5. Well my wife is not sure about it.

She thinks my main problem is anger and that I should get anger management counseling. I have already done that once though and I'm resistant because I think she is making it be all my fault. She moved out in September after I got both drunk and mad, threw all her jewelry-making supplies out on the lawn and threw a rock through the window of a guy she had been hanging out with at a bar. That last part is the reason I'm resistant, I think we should BOTH be going to counseling first because I had a right to be mad about that (though not of course to do what I did while drunk). The guy friggin KISSED her and then said he was sorry it was a mistake and she still kept hanging out with him.

[NMDemDist2]

7. another little test to give yourself

if every time you get in big trouble you are drunk, you may have a drinking problem

sadly, just not drinking is only the start. I needed to change that person that needed booze to cope with life stuff

I needed to find a different solution, a different way to cope.

I just couldn't learn the new behaviors while drinking, so getting sober came first then the 'real' work began. Learning new behaviors when dealing with stuff life throws at all of us.

sounds like some counseling isn't a bad idea, but don't do it for her, do it for you. Do you want to keep living and feeling like you have been? If not, if you'd like a better, happier life then do something to change it. And having a professional opinion and someone who isn't involved to give you some pointers and suggestions sounds like a good place to start.

But tell the truth. All the counselors in the world can't help if they aren't told the truth of the situation.

[Brucie Kibbutz]

8. your wife

You need her, and any other loved ones, to help keep you sober. If she is still drinking, she can't do that for you. Find someone that doesn't drink you can lean on for support. Even if you have to pay a therapist, I think it would be a good idea, as long as you will be honest with him/her. Whatever you decide, it has to be someone that understands they cannot drink or be drunk around you.

Be careful getting into it with people, especially on their own property. The way things are these days, it's a good way to get yourself shot.

Give AA a try. It can really help to have some fellowship with other people that are going through tough times like you are.

You might even try having an assessment done at a treatment center. They're likely to tell you that you will at least need outpatient treatment. You wouldn't be obligated to do anything but it would at least give you a better understanding of what you are doing to yourself.

Don't wait for anyone else to come along and help you with this. Do whatever it takes to get *yourself* some help and then address the marital problems when you are able.

www.aa.org

[get the red out]

13. Alcoholics are angry people

This is my first post in this group, but I have been fortunate to not have taken a drink in a while. I haven't met an alcoholic that didn't have a lot of anger. Working through that is part of the recovery process. Not drinking is the first thing to do, and counseling isn't bad either. And as someone mentioned in another comment a support group with people who understand where you are at is a great asset. The people in my life who weren't alcoholics never understood what was up with me, and I could point to their vices all day long (and believe me they had/have some!) but it still didn't do anything for MY problem. And I am the only person I can really control.

Don't drink. You aren't drinking now and that's huge! Good luck!

[FlyingSquirrel]

15. Thanks

I'm going to an anger management class tomorrow, (definitely not my first ever time trying to deal with it). I'll have 90 days sober tomorrow also, and I'm going to AA meetings now (see my post below).

[NMDemDist2]

4. best luck

I worked in my old job in the bar for 18 months BUT I did a LOT of AA meetings and when I was done with work, I left.

there's an old saying in the Recovery Community to wit "If you keep going to the barber shop, eventually you'll get a hair cut"

When I did need to go to a function where drinking was a big part, I took a sober friend with me (weddings etc)

If you do the Karoke in the same bar every week, talk to the bartender. You may be surprised how they will be glad to help you stay on the wagon. (edit to add, just make sure you tip the same as you did when drinking LOL)

keep us posted and good luck :hug:

[FlyingSquirrel]

6. The bartender knows I've quit. She and I go back a long way

So she also knows that I quit once before. I think I made it less than a month.

[Brucie Kibbutz]

9. You still out there, FS?

Check back in with us, if you feel like it. :hi:

[FlyingSquirrel]

10. Well the wife kinda threw a monkey wrench in it this time

We're separated but I miss her and wanted to go out. She said she would but only if I drank because she was going to, and I always get annoyed when she is drinking and I am not. So I humored her and had a few. I was still annoyed. :P

So I've been drinking again, but at a very reduced level so far. I dunno, maybe I'll quit again and this time if she doesn't wanna go out with me then oh well.

[Brucie Kibbutz]

11. I tried to quit at least five times before quitting for good.

At first the urge was so strong it was like torture. Try to keep in mind that you only have to stay sober for 24 hours. Then do the same the next day and the day after that etc... Don't think about not drinking again for the rest of your life. Take it One Day At A Time. Whenever you feel like trying again, just do your best.

[old mark]

12. FS: I did it "on my own" foir 2 years. Went to AA because I was not

getting anywhere. They helped me immensely even after 2 years of not drinking. It is a lot more than having people hold your hand till you are better.

I have since worked as a counselor in a prison halfway house and again in an adolescent drug rehab. I returned to college for my Social Work degree, worked in a mental hospital. ALL places I have worked use 12 step programs for alcohol, drugs, many other problems and they use them because these programs work.

There is an old AA saying that the program is like an adjustaable wrench - one size fits every nut.

You have nothing to lose by going to a few meetings.

Good luck to you.

mark

FWIW, I celebrated 21 years this past March. It seems to have worked for me.

[FlyingSquirrel]

14. Thanks

I got a DUI just about 3 weeks after posting the OP. I then went 7 weeks without drinking to prove that I wasn't an alcoholic, then went to a treatment center to have them pronounce me a non-alcoholic. They didn't. So I went into treatment, where they required 2 AA meetings a week. I've gone to at least 30 meetings in the last 5 weeks.. I'm a tough nut to crack but it seems to be helping a little bit so I plan to go to another meeting tomorrow. (I'll have 90 days sober tomorrow, also).

[NMDemDist2]

16. thanks so much for checking in

I was wondering how you were doing

:hug:

just don't be a 'bystander in your own life' jump in and do the deal and work the steps. the most it will cost you is a few weeks and it might change your life

:pals:

[elleng]

17. This MAY be useful,

if you're wondering who is and who isn't alcoholic. Good luck.

http://www.lakesidemilam.com/UnderTheInfluence.htm

[Joe Chi Minh]

18. Not on topic at all, but I read on a Google site that the legendary heavy-weight boxer,

Jack Johnson, was a businessman, and he invented and patented the adjustable spanner. Not bad for a guy whose education, such as it was, ended when he was 11 years of age.