Other night I was in an Al Anon meeting, and a young woman said

[raccoon]

of her active alcoholic father, "I hate him." Another woman said, "No, you don't."

That annoyed the piss out of me because it reminded me of all the times people invalidated me or TOLD me how I felt or didn't feel.

Not long afterward the young woman said something similar, and the other woman said, "No, you don't."

I said, "Maybe she does," and then shared about how I felt (and still do) about my father who died of alcoholism.

Anyone know of a dignified, well-chosen remark to make when somebody says invalidating things like that at a meeting?

[IndyOp]

1. In my opinion, you weren't at an Al Anon meeting. We do not crosstalk -

that means that the chair of the meeting should've stopped the other woman she crosstalked to that young woman and she should've stopped you when you directed your comments to them both.

A dignified, well-chosen remark from the chair might've been to re-read the opening comments of the meeting in which we state that we do not crosstalk or give specific advice. If a member wants specific advice they should say so at the end of their share and people can come talk to them after the meeting.

In Al Anon we discuss our own experience -- I discuss how applying the Twelve Steps and Slogans and Traditions have helped me solve my problems. We share our strength and hope to encourage ourselves and others to work our own program.

We do not crosstalk - we don't correct, or question, or validate anyone else's experience.

People who attend Al Anon meetings to complain about their alcoholic or addicted relatives or friends are not working their own program. In Al Anon we work the Twelve Steps of A.A. ourselves.

I think you've posted here before that the group you've attended has been reading non-CAL material and, if so, I would encourage you to sign up to chair a bunch of meetings and read CAL material at them that deals with the format of meetings and/or call a group conscience meeting.

Good luck! :hug:

[raccoon]

2. Good point. This is a small group (this is a different meeting than the one where they were reading

non-CAL stuff) and there is way too much cross talk there, which needs to be addressed.

BTW, I did request a group conscience meeting in the other group.

[IndyOp]

3. I have a group conscience meeting scheduled next week for one of my meetings -

and crosstalk is at the top of my list of items -- along with we need a GR.

We need to cut out the crosstalk or the group is going to capsize and the GR won't have anything to do.

Hang in there! IndyOp