I'm losing my best friend of 18 years because he's an addict

[bicentennial_baby]

He's an alcoholic, but he's basically addicted to just consuming every substance that crosses his path, expect nicotine. The final straw was when, yesterday, he stole my brother's entire bottle of Adderal out of his car and took off.

He admitted today that he did it. He says he's out of control, and is trying to sabotage our friendship, and that he has to leave me alone now.

I'm heartbroken. But I know I can't fix him.

I just didn't know where else to post this. x(

[get the red out]

1. I am sorry you have to go through it

But there really is nothing else you could do. His behavior isn't acceptable and letting go of him and not trying to fix it is best. He may spiral down further but there is nothing you can do to stop it. It is up to him to decide that he needs help. It is painful but in the long run less painful than the frightening dance of an active addict and the person trying to fix him; that's disastrous.

I had a woman I have tried to sponsor in the past call me last week and leave a drunken message that she was sick of everyone, no one cared for her and she was going to take a bottle of pills. She lives out of state now and I don't have an address to even use to call 911. Not a thing I can do. She called a couple of days later, she had gone to the emergency room and had dried out afterward. At that point we could carry on a conversation, but not in the midst of active addiction, people can't hear when all they can think of is the next drink or drug.

[Kajsa]

2. Bicentennial baby, you did the right thing.

It's so hard to let go of someone you love and care about .

But when he is in the throws of addiction, it's the best you can do.

Geez cabeez, my son( who has autism and ADHD) takes Adderal-
I can only imagine your friend taking that stuff- buzz city, and he's able
to drink more because of the amphetamine!!

For people who don't have ADHD, Adderal and the like sends them
through the frigging roof, unless they drink to come down.

Hang in there, you let him go with love,

a VERY hard thing to do!!

:hug:

[Redstone]

3. Holy crap, that multiple-chemical dependency must be a copper-plated bitch to deal with.

I have my issues with alcohol, but also have a large bottle of Vicodin that's about a third full, a complete month after I could have had it refilled...the Lexapro has helped with my shoulder pain so much that I'm using the Vikes between zero and two times a day, depending on how how much time I spend working at the computer.

Progress, of a good sort, yes?

My best wishes and hopes for your friend.

Redstone

[elleng]

4. Thanks for posting this.

Try to help him with this info:

http://www.lakesidemilam.com/index.htm

[NMDemDist2]

5. let him go

he's still enough of your friend to leave you before he betrays everything you ever shared

I just hope he'll find his way back.

it sux.

:hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

6. thank you

That means...a lot. Hearing "he's still enough of your friend to leave you before he betrays everything you ever shared"

I hope so too. I'm so scared for him, and worried. I was his touchstone. But I can't do it anymore. And it hurts me as much as it does him, if not more.

Thank you. :hug:

[NMDemDist2]

7. of course it hurts you more

you can feel the pain, he's busy burying it under every thing he can find.

i'm so sorry bibaby, you've had a horrible year with the chit going on with your parents etc etc

sometimes being a grown up just plain sux!

:hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

8. Update: He wants to get clean and sober, he says.

At least that's what he said.

To quote:

"I truly feel as if this is one of the stupidest, most thoughtless and senseless things i've ever done to hurt people i love. I need to do some serious soul-searching and thinking about the kind of person i am...i love you guys so much. I want to be different than i am; i didn't realize how messed up i've gotten. I'll spend the rest of my life making this up to you if you'll let me."

And, he's willing to start on the road to recovery. We shall see. I told him that I will support him, but that he has to get clean before we can make things right again.

[elleng]

9. Thats great news, bi_b!!!

If/when useful, let him know its not a matter of 'fault,' but rather a physiological thing. See above post.

:hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

10. Thanks

I also ordered him a copy of Healing the Addicted Brain. He wants to read it and recognizes that he needs it. I think the thought of losing me forever put things into perspective. Also, he's not just my best friend, he's my Ex. We were together for 6 years.

I told him that if he's serious about recovery, that I will stop drinking as well. Team effort. Ball's in his court now.

And I ordered a copy of the book for me too. :)

:hug:

[Critters2]

11. You might suggest he go to a meeting, too.

He needs to widen his support network, so that when you're exhausted he has others to turn to. If the spiritual stuff in AA or NA don't work, tell him to try Recovery, International. But he needs support and structure.

You're a great friend. I'm glad he realizes that!

[bicentennial_baby]

12. Eh, he's gone MIA since

No surprise. I haven't heard from him in a week, then he snuck into my parents' house late at night Sunday and stayed here, even though he wasn't supposed to. He took some of his clothes and his Ipod. I emailed him and told him that I'm basically DONE, and that the house is now locked, and he's not welcome here. Let him hit the *real* bottom now. I'm done. If I don't hear back by tomorrow, I'm packing up everything he owns and putting it in the garage. He's lucky I'm not putting it on the curb with a "For Sale" sign. Too bad that the stray Toms are going to spray all over it. I don't care.

He owes my brother $200 and my father $1200. I've had it. I'm done being a great friend. Fuck him.

[Joe Chi Minh]

13. Personally, I'd say to him, "I've thought of you as my best friend for 18 years. But

if I'd known what a self-pitying obsession you have about yourself, I wouldn't have. What's in it for anybody? You have to show some little concern for yourself, to be able to show it to others." It strikes me that self-absorption and self-pity are his addiction.

He sounds bent on self-destruction "beyond the call of duty", so to speak. Not the normal kind of weakness an addiction can inflict on people, but a lack of even potentially viable character. On the other hand, he doesn't sound like the kind of person who's going to be influenced by ANYTHING anyone else says to him, so you'd probably be wasting your breath.

In the end, only God can judge him as regards his essential character and its merits or demerits, but for all practical purposes on this earth, he sounds very determined in the wrong direction.

[Taverner]

14. That's me sometimes

Drug of choice is "whaddya got?"

Killing the brain chatter...