Here I go again...

[Stump]

Friday I got hammered and did some major-league stupid shit. Luckily, once again I made it through without ruining my life...although I certainly could have. I decided yesterday I am going to do this...I will quit. I've already proven I can't make it as a social drinker and I know my life will be much better. Unfortunately, I will probably lose some friends over this decision but I guess if that's the case, maybe I need new friends. I would love some encouraging words guys and I promise to keep y'all updated.

May 23rd, 2009 (The day Stump said enough is enough.)

[MH1]

1. Congratulations on your decision

I decided to stop drinking completely because of a friend who has pretty much ruined his life with alcohol. I haven't drank "to excess" in ages (although there were certainly times in the past when I had every potential for ruining my life). I just can't drink now after seeing what's happened to him, because he can't - or so far hasn't been able to - stop drinking, despite many efforts. I've realized the ability to "just say no" is an incredible gift and I have decided to exercise it.

I think you are totally right that if you lose "friends" by deciding not to drink, then you needed new friends anyway. But that may not be fair for me to say because I can still go out with those folks, I just don't let them pressure me to drink. If they give me shit for ordering ginger ale, then they aren't really friends, are they?

[Stump]

2. I think they will give me shit...

Because I'll be doing something they can't envision doing themselves. I just hope that if and when their time comes, I'll be the one they come to. Lord knows I won't be judgmental toward anyone.

[MH1]

3. True and I hope you are right.

And I also want to wish you success with your decision.

One reason I decided to stop drinking but continue going to events with folks who drink, is because I'll be setting an example that ordering NA and still having fun is possible. You will be doing the same if you just smile and do your thing (ordering NA) even when they give you shit for it. And the time may come that it occurs to one of your friends to also order NA because now they know they don't have to drink alcohol - somebody set an example. Examples are powerful things.

Sounds good in theory anyway. :)

[get the red out]

4. Good job on your decision!

May 23 is a good day to start your sobriety. My husband got sober on May 23, 1992, so I am a little partial (though I didn't know him drunk).

I'm an alcoholic also. And if "friends" don't want you to be healthy and take care of yourself they really aren't friends. You deserve the right to live without alcohol if you choose. I wish you sobriety and happiness. I could not have had anything approaching happiness if I hadn't stopped drinking. I didn't think I could go a day without alcohol, but I haven't had to drink in quite a while. If there is some help out there you think could work for you, get it. I go to AA but that's me and I wouldn't push anything on anyone. But learning to live differently is hard and it often helps to have someone in our corner. A lot of people seek some kind of counseling or support group. There is no shame in accepting help.

Some people just aren't cut out to be social drinkers. It doesn't mean we are bad people any more than diabetics aren't cut out to devour the candy I can eat with impunity. People just have problems, things to overcome, it is part of the human condition.

You have made a great decision, just keep it on the front burner and take care of yourself. Remember that your health and well being are more important than what other people think about what you are doing.

[Stump]

5. Thanks for that thoughtful post...

It's great to read about success stories and the benefits of quitting. It just adds to my motivation.

[FlyingSquirrel]

6. Stump,

First off - Happy Birthday! Well, actually May 23 is MY birthday, but if you succeed in maintaining sobriety from this point forward, then this would be considered your birthday by those in Alcoholics Anonymous. Even if you are not in A.A., if at some future time you decided to go, it would still be your birthday.

I personally quit on February 16 of this year (the day after my DUI), but did not attend an A.A. meeting till April 11.

In reality, my plan was to abstain from drinking long enough to fool the treatment center where I was going to get a DUI assessment, after which I would resume drinking, but this time I would finally get it right and just drink socially like "everyone else". And never drive drunk again.

But of course they saw right through me, because I answered the questionnaire honestly. I was quite surprised to get the assessment of "Dependent", because after all how could that be if I'd managed to go nearly two months without drinking; but once I got it, I believed it. It just made sense to me. Why else would I have periodically risked my job (which I've now lost) and my life (God only knows how I didn't lose that, I have driven at speeds in excess of 100 MPH and not always on the freeway while drunk) if I were not chemically dependent upon the stuff. Not to mention that I REALLY wanted another one! Even after everything I'd been through and believe me there's been a lot.

So I checked into the treatment center, something you may not have the luxury of doing. As part of the treatment, and to satisfy the court (they haven't yet actually required this, but I am doing what I expect them to order in advance) I was required to attend two AA meetings per week. I had a lot of resistance to this, but started quickly because I knew if I delayed, it would just be harder for me to do it. I was just going to grit my teeth and get it over with.

Instead of being an ordeal, however, I found myself feeling at home in the very first meeting. I didn't like everything I heard and saw, by any means. But within a short time I decided that this was a way of life that I could embrace, and that might finally give me the inner peace that nothing else I had tried could give me. I'm still working toward that ideal, and though I know it will take me the rest of my life, I don't mind 'cause it gives me something to do! ;-) What's life without a daily challenge, right? Anyway I've talked too long but if you haven't already tried A.A., I'd suggest going to their website - http://www.aa.org/ - and be open-minded to the possibility that it might be able to help you. In reality, I've enjoyed the education, exercises, and the group at the treatment center (2 hours a day outpatient), but A.A. is clearly what will actually keep me sober and alive for the rest of my life if I work the program and keep going to meetings.

Sorry if I've talked too long. Final thought: A favorite saying -- "If the program doesn't work for you, we will cheerfully refund your misery!" (There are no dues or fees) Good luck!

P.S. Someday, after you've taken care of YOURSELF, you may be able to bring some of those friends with you - when they are ready, if they have the same problem you do, if you have shown them that it is possible. But don't count on it. Start making new friends as soon as possible, because loneliness is a very powerful trigger to drink (at least for ME it is.)

[Stump]

7. Thanks for the info

I'm not sure I want to try AA...yet. I really think I can do this on my own, if not, I'll go from there. For me, my biggest challenge is going to be a trip I'm going on with some friends in a few weeks. I'll be the only one out of about ten who will be sober but I really think if I stick to the plan and stay sober it'll open my eyes to who my real friends are. It's a camping trip so luckily I'll be able to fish and cook, etc. to keep me busy while everyone else is throwing them back. At least I'll feel better than everyone in the mornings. I'm already thinking about it everyday, I know it'll be a huge challenge for me. I'll keep you posted...I can do this.

[FlyingSquirrel]

8. I hope you're right, and good luck!

I thought I could do it myself too:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=336x5243">Squirrel's "first attempt"

and about 3 1/2 weeks later,

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=336x5306">Squirrel gets his DUI

but I totally understand your need to try and do it on your own, and in fact I encourage it because the first step is to be able to admit that you personally are powerless over alcohol. Without that first step, you will be unable to accept help from anyone else, just as I was. But if the time should come that you realize this thing has gotten the better of you, you should also realize that alcoholism is a disease and there is no shame in admitting that you have fallen prey to a disease.

Just remember that there is a solution and there are people ready and willing to help if you are ready to accept that help.

[Stump]

9. So do you think I'm pretty much doomed to fail on my own?

Just wondering. I mean, you've been there, be honest.

[FlyingSquirrel]

10. I could not possibly say - it's a very individual situation. I can tell you

what happened for me only. I don't know your circumstances, and I know that there are people who have succeeded in quitting alcohol on their own. Anyway, I wouldn't necessarily call it failure if you don't succeed on your own - be like Thomas Edison. When he was trying to invent the light bulb, someone once said his experiments were a failure. He responded, "I haven't failed - I now know 1,000 things that don't work!" Try to quit, try as many different things as you can - I personally tried timing my drinks throughout the night, only drinking beer, only drinking mixed drinks, only drinking mixed drinks that had caffeine in them, bringing a portable breathalyzer with me, only drinking in a bar, only drinking at home, only drinking on special occasions, only drinking with my wife, only drinking by myself, only drinking with people I knew wouldn't let me drive drunk, bringing a set amount of money with me and stopping when that ran out, telling the bartender in advance how many to serve me, only having four drinks per night, three drinks per night, two drinks per night, one drink per night, quitting for two months, one month, 3 weeks, two weeks, one week... I heard someone in an AA meeting say he had tried picking up his drinks with his left hand and I said, "Dang, I didn't try that one!" And we all laughed. I know one thing: Once I pick up the first drink, even if it's only half a glass of wine with my wife at a restaurant, it's only a matter of time before I pick up another drink - not necessarily that same night, maybe a week later, but at some point I'll have another drink and then the next time I might say it's ok to have two, then three, then four, then who the hell knows how many I'll have and what I'll do.

So now I'm trying AA. There's no way for me to know yet whether it will ultimately work for me, but so far I've been sober for over 90 days. I probably would have stayed sober anyway, since I have the threat of jail time for my DUI hanging over me. The true test will come after that threat has passed. However, I have to say that I feel like this is a program that can keep me not only sober, but keep me HAPPILY sober; and that's something that many people who have quit on their own can't always say. I knew a guy once who had not had a drink for 20 years and he was a miserable bastard. That's not the way I want my life to go. But again, it's different for everyone. I'm sure there are many who have quit drinking for good without the benefit of AA and are also happy.

[Stump]

11. Damn good post, very helpful...

That's so true about making deals with yourself about just drinking one, special occasions, etc. I'll keep your post in my mind when I go on my trip...because you're right, one drink always leads to more for our types. Thanks Squirrel!