Any children of alcoholics here?

[elleng]

Would like to 'consult.'

Thanks

[Roon]

1. Not only a child of an alcoholic

but a grandchild as well..

[elleng]

2. Hi, Roon.

My 'stranged husband is alcoholic. He 'quit' drinking before we married (26 years ago)when I told him I'd marry him ONLY IF he went into a program. He did. I paid for it.

Now, 25 year old daughter newly engaged. Husb has been pretty well 'under cover' with it, and not actually dry, but only recently daughters actually noted he has sounded drunk on occasion. Quite a shock and upset for them.

Reason I posted here is that she said, yesterday, fiance upset 'cause she hadn't told him 'dad' under the influence when she told him about engagement. So they argued. Fiance a great guy, and will surely understand emotional ins and outs. My reason for posting: Daughter said that she is 'the only person on earth who can possibly get dad into rehab, nobody understands that burden.'

Its really her emotional situation that I'm concerned about.

Any comments?

Thanks

[Roon]

3. Ellen, just like with smoking..the alcoholic has to want to quit

no one can make him quit for any other reason,I'm afraid.

I was a closet drinker, no one actually saw me drink, but I was drunk or hungover most of the time.

[elleng]

4. I know the facts, Roon; been thru it with him.

My concern is for my daughter, adult child of alcoholic, who feels burdened.

Thanks

[Roon]

5. She should look for an al anon meeting in the area

it's for people just like your daughter. People whose loved ones are addicted. My aunt goes once a week because of her son.

[elleng]

6. I've thought of that, and went myself.

Will suggest to her.

Thanks

[Roon]

7. Sorry I couldn't be much more of a help

eom

[elleng]

8. Its an awful dis-ease, Roon, as you know.

I pray that she and her sister will be able somehow to come to terms with it.

Thanks again.

[raccoon]

9. Does the pope run in the woods? Yes, there are.

My father was an active, unpredictable alcoholic by the time I was old enough to remember him. He died when I was a kid, but the dynamics of an alcoholic family went on.

I attended Adult Child of Alcoholic meetings in my area in the late '80's. Nowadays, I attend Al Anon. They have helped me so much. Oh, and therapy with professionals who understood the dynamics in alcoholic families. Group experiential therapy especially helped me.

[elleng]

10. Thanks

[Kajsa]

11. Yep, second generation AAer here.

My dad died sober back in 1997.

He was very instrumental in helping me get sober.

On the downside, I remember the turmoil and chaos
of growing up in an alcoholic household and still dealing
with the aftereffects- ACA and AA help me here.

:hi: :hug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

12. ACA is an excellent program.

The book of stories is amazing.

http://www.amazon.com/Survival-Recovery-Growing-Alcoholic-Home/dp/0910034974

Best to you!

[elleng]

13. Thanks, Fire.

[ohheckyeah]

14. Yes.

The daughter, granddaughter and sister of alcoholics.

PM me if you need to.

[Rhiannon12866]

15. I am, too...

My Dad was an alcoholic and my mother became one. My Dad went to rehab several times, but it was always his choice. I was supportive because he was my Dad and it seemed normal to me. He was sober more than he wasn't and was a very high achiever, but he did struggle. Lost him in 1990 to cancer and I wish so much that I could talk to him now. I celebrated a year of sobriety in April. :hi:

[varkam]

16. My father was an alcoholic.

I've never been to any CoA recovery meetings or anything, but I know the experience.

[elleng]

17. Glad you're here, varkam!

I fear that daughters will suffer from this for a LONG time; we ALL will.

[jazzhound]

18. Here's one.

Mom's been dry for 21 years. Sadly, almost no recovery.

[Redstone]

19. Many, I would suspect. Also, I suspect, many with

clinical depression (which may have a genetic component as well).

I believe that the combination of those two factors pretty much dooms people to alcoholism / drug use.

Redstone

[elleng]

20. Am afraid for my daughters, as their father is putting us thru it,

in different ways for each of us.

At the moment they think he's just swell, tho physically sick with something, and in hospital (maybe.) He won't allow, or they think they shouldn't, them to tell me where, tho trial re: property settlement set for this week. SO, daughters help him 'hide' from me, and don't want to hear about our financial 'story.'

I was depressed, and fear that such is in the cards for daughters.

[Redstone]

21. Yes, you and your daughters are in for a rough patch ahead.

I'm sorry that you and they have to live with the fallout of the Scourge of alcoholism.

As so many other people have had to live with.

My best wishes to you and your daughters. And for their father as well..."forgive him, for he knows not what he does."

(Not that that's any excuse).

Redstone

[elleng]

22. Fortunately at least, there's a judge who will, sometime in the future,

decide that he must give me what I'm entitled to, and therefore will be able to give such to my daughters.

Thanks for your thoughts.

E