Please I need advice about an addicted sister.

[rhino47]

I wanted to post this last night but I didnt have the courage.
My sister is addicted badly to alcohol.She is currently living with my other sister.That went south.She was told in no uncertain terms that she had to be out of Laurie`s house by Friday.The reason for this is Beth would drink for days on end and sleep.She would dry out maybe for 4 or 5 days a month and go back at it.I witnessed Beth on her drying out one day.I have NEVER seen anything so awful.(I once helped detox a herion addict)Vomiting for hours on end shaking eyes rolling barely able to walk.Laurie just could not take watching Beths suicide any longer.Beth blames this all on Laurie`s husband.
I offered her to come to my house.She knows she always has a spot with me.However I was an addict myself.18 years and still recovering.I put terms on her staying with me.
I told her before she even comes into my house we need to go to an AA meeting.(or an alternative of her choice)I am willing to go through all of it with her.I work from home and my husband is retired.There is someone here 24/7 that can help watch over her and support her.My husband is a 26 year recovering cocaine/pot/pills/ addict.We both have been there.
The only thing I ask is she attempt to help herself.I having two children ages 8 and 13 am not willing to have then watch their aunt drink herself to death.I am not able to watch her kill herself.
I have four sisters and we are all extremely close.My conflict is I am afraid my conditions are going to make her not want to live with me.
I feel conflicted in my desire to assist my sister and to protect my husband and children.I do not want to enable her drinking.I also do not want to be sucked into an addictive lifestyle again.I also feel that I am forcing her into a move she is not ready to accept.I can not however stand to see her like this.This is my shining bright idol.Shes a psychologist.I love that bright person.I hate the disease.
She just called me 10 min ago and we talked.She asked where she would sleep and so on.I finally told her we need to go to an AA meeting again she said she had no problem with that.Then when I said you are not alone Beth we can figure this out.We will get you back from your disease she hung up on me.I know I am rambling sorry.

[ismnotwasm]

1. That sounds so very, very hard

My sister actually was the one who introduced me to AA. I was a very "low bottom" drunk. She always did quite a bit better financially, back then-- always had a job. But we're all "low bottom" inside, no? She started drinking after 9 years of sobriety and HATES AA. Now it's a cult and full of hypocrites to her. Found everything possible wrong with it. She still has "stuff" a house, a great job, nice things, but I've inside she is one of the most miserable human beings I know. She goes to counselors and psychologists, has been diagnosed with clinical depression, ADD and God knows what else.

And there is very little I can do. I've suggested alternate recovery methods, everything from church (I'm an agnostic, but whatever works)to Rational Recovery,(which I don't care for, but if it works it works) but she holds on to her right to use. She is more of a binge drinker, so she rationalizes it off. But one of the things she did was refuse to see a doctor for two years when she was have 18 day periods. She ended up very ill--long story, but that is not the action of a healthy self esteem, or right-headed thinking.

I was taught to but my own sobriety first, and while trying to intervene with my sister would not endanger my own sobriety, she is very abusive when I bring it up, so I mostly leave her alone. She knows where to go. My sister has wonderful qualities that I miss. My daughter who loves her asks "what the hell happened to my aunt?" She was a huge part of her life when she was growing up. So I guess I have no answers, only empathy. There is treatment, sober houses, detoxes, drying out centers-- alternatives to having her live with you if she doesn't like your boundaries. You could print up a list of places for her to go. If she's got a car she can sleep in it. I'd tell her I'm calling the police if she drives drunk however. Give her a sleeping bag if it's cold out. I'm sorry if I sound hard, but If she hasn't thrown away the shovel, she's still digging the hole. You sound like you've given her all the love she'll accept from you right now. Maybe a professional family intervention? Or have you done that already? I know a few success stories from that approach.

I would suggest if you EVER see her again in the condition you described, call 911. That is alcohol poisoning. Heroin addicts die from overdoses, not withdrawal. Alcoholics die from withdrawal.(And overdoses on occasion)I have a very good friend in a nursing home right now who was found on the street dying from alcohol withdrawal, he was resuscitated after his brain suffered oxygen deprivation, so his cerebral cortex was destroyed. He was 40 years old.

[rhino47]

2. Thank you very much for your reply.

I want to let you know what I did.
Beth had agreed to an AA meeting.I called her an hour before the meeting asking if Laurie (my other sister) was driving her or did was I picking her up.She said she was going to a hotel.I said I respect your decision.She told me she would call after 9 pm.Which she did my husband answered the phone.She was honest and told him she could not go to the meeting because she was drunk.She was also honest and told him where she was.In the mean time I had a phone conference with my other three sisters and decided to call crisis center and have her committed.She fled.I was not aware that this could be done until someone in DU Lounge mentioned this option.She did call me after 9 pm though not angry.I will see her (so she says) in the morning.I did however ask her to promise not to try to detox on her own again.She agreed.
I never lied to her.I never have nor shall I try to trick her.Tomorrow I am going to be honest and tell her that if she is not going to get help I was going to have her at least detoxed.I could not hold an intervention tonight because my one sister is vacationing in france the other is scuba diving in australia.They are on their way back to do one this weekend.If Beth goes underground then they are going to help locate her.The horror of this all is the disease that took our sisters.The real sisters we know that lurks under the hell they are currently living.I am sorry for your loss of your sister too.Your daughters loss of an Aunt.It seems that its always the beautiful ones that succumbs to this horrific illness.Beth was always a person that felt deeply for her fellow beings.
She had such a beauty of spirit that I hate the disease that stole that.
Both the addiction and the manic depression that she tried to self medicate away.

[NMDemDist2]

3. ahhh manic depression also? I'm a drunk and my mom is MD

together they are a lethal combo

is her mental illness in check? it does sound like she may need to be hospitalized and stabilized before any message of recovery can be received

I'm so sorry :hug:

what a heartbreaking situation for you and your family

best luck and you and your family is in my prayers

[KitchenWitch]

4. I agree

Definitely get the BiPolar treated first. One cannot possibly find recovery if the BiPolar is out of control.

[rhino47]

5. I had her committed today.It was brutal.

I was always her "baby" being the youngest.She saw my intervention as biting the hand that fed.It did not go well but it was successful.That is what counts.She is in a locked unit.She did finally agree to sign herself in.I still do not think with her attitude I can allow her in my home.Not like she is now.I warned every worker I came in contact with at the hospital that this is a psychologist.She knows the game and will play it well.She will not respect your help if she thinks you (the therapist) are not at least at her level.I had to also use methods of which I am not proud.My uncle whom was a lawyer for the government grad from cornell/harvard brilliant man died last year homeless and a drunk.I had to ask her if she was going to be this generations Uncle Art.This is when she agreed to sign herself in.

[NMDemDist2]

6. she is at least safe tonight rhino, you did the right thing

don't beat yourself up, you may have saved her life

i know how awful it is having had to do the same for my mother repeatedly

at least she signed herself in and is getting, help that's the important part :hug:

you're still in my prayers

[KitchenWitch]

7. That took a lot of courage and faith!

You and your sister and family are in my positive thoughts. It is truly scary when the addict knows the "game" better than the counselors trying to help her. I know...I was that addict!

I am glad she is getting professional help, for the moment, rather than making your immediate families life miserable.

[rhino47]

8. Thank you for your positive thoughts.

I am wondering in your recovery did you ever have the problem of meeting persons that you had worked with?This is a problem she said she is having.I can not tell if this is true or not.I hate to be like this but I can not tell when I am talking to the addict or my sister.
All my other sisters have showed up today.So theres a large support system.She has people that are willing to help her if she helps herself.
Today was a real eye opener.At visiting hours she had 23 people there between the visiting sessions.She saw only one other person had a visitor.She kept mentioning this.
This is a battle that the family has waged for over 10 years.
We all said the same thing though.This is it Beth.We love you but we hate your addiction.

[KitchenWitch]

9. I have a funny story

I worked for the county as a clerical/administrative assistant in the misdemeanor probation office, some years ago. I had about 5 years sobriety at the time. My main job was entering the intake data into the computer and creating the hard copy files, so I saw every client that came through that particular courthouse. On more occasions than I want to admit, people I knew from meetings (who had relapsed and been arrested for either DUI or drunken disorderlies) came through my office. Needless to say, some of these situations were very uncomfortable for the clients, as I knew them when they were in meetings. I always tried to be kind and tolerant to these folks, since I wanted them to feel comfortable coming back to meetings.

I am not a counselor, so I have no first hand knowledge of what it must be like to try to get recovery for yourself when your job is as a helping professional (I am sure it is very difficult to take care of oneself, when many folks at your meeting are basically trying to get free therapy from you.)

[demosincebirth]

11. I've been sober for years,now, and I've seen many alcoholics

come to AA with a variety of mental problems. Many that got sober and stayed sober... their mental problems usually left or improved. Alcohol in a alcoholic sometimes masquerades as mental illness and if left untreated (the alcoholic) will bring death or insanity.

[NMDemDist2]

12. agreed

if you're not crazy in detox, you're not in detox

same with the last stages of the disease, it makes you crazy and it can often (and usually is) misdiagnosed as something a pill will cure, when it's the "medication" that's the problem

[yardwork]

10. I'm very sorry

I am an alcoholic, in recovery more than five years. My father was an alcoholic who drank himself to death - very high functioning, a lot of people probably didn't realize he had a drinking problem. Died at age 63 of liver cancer. I have a good friend, life-long friend who is drinking himself to death.

You know from your own experience that alcoholics/addicts will do and say anything to protect their habit. They will use any excuse. They will lie and cheat and steal from the people they love most.

It sounds to me like your sister has a lot of resources that she can draw on when she is ready to quit. Until then, nothing you do or say will make a lot of difference.

You saved her life by getting her into the hospital. I will pass on to you the advice I learned from others when I was in early recovery and still desperately trying to save others: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

You and your recovery have to come first, so that you can be there for your children and partner. I think you are very wise to enforce a lot of rules before allowing your sister to live with you. If you relapse (and it can happen to any of us), then you won't be any good to your sister or anyone else.

My heart goes out to you and all of us who have to watch the ones we love suffer and die and know that there is nothing we can do.

I have found that a Spiritual Path helped me a lot.