I'm having trouble with my step four

[TrogL]

This is about my fourth try at it. I went back out drinking last time without ever completing it, so I need to do it.

The Big Book recommends writing out your resentments etc. then the possible causes.

I've managed to get a few things down, mostly about obsessions (eg. DU, the religious right) and some resentments and as soon as I start going into causes I start remembering things and the panic attacks start.

I'm seeing a psychologist and she recommends taking it slow, but as soon as I start, it all starts coming out at once.

I'm thinking about dropping the causes part, but even then it's heavy going.

[KitchenWitch]

1. I am with your psychologist.

Try just working on finding the causes for just one resentment at a time. If you need to, instead of doing a gigantic 5th step, do little 5th steps as you go, so you are not so overwhelmed with the negativity. Be sure you find someone to confide in that is positive and not toxic.

[NMDemDist2]

2. hang in there, do it in stages. there is no reason it has to be all in one

list or sitting

remember "More will be revealed" and know that the first round through the steps is more to teach you the process of working through what is bothering you.

the goal is to be able to work the steps on any situation in your life in just a few minutes and that takes practice at working the steps

next time you have someone cut you off on the freeway or be rude to you in a check out line, work the steps on it. call a trusted friend and check your thinking (was I over reacting? was the other person's behavior rude?) then decide what you can do to start changing how you respond to such instances

the steps are just a way to clear up resentments and fears right away so they don't impact your life in a negative fashion. (think about the 10th step, it's just the first 9 all rolled into one) and then you can work on the deep stuff as you gain strength and skills in dealing with the emotions

remember "Easy Does It" and take it in little baby steps. as long as you are being honest about not trying to "duck" the work you'll be fine.

PS does your sponsor know you are doing this? if you don't have a sponsor yet then you really need one. trying to do this on your own or even with a psychologist (unless she's your sponsor and is in recovery too) is not recommended.

and remember the 4th step is the crazy place, the healing doesn't start til steps 5-9. the longer you stay stuck in Four the crazier you get (at least in my experience)

When I sponsor I usually tell the person 12-18 hours in advance we are doing the fifth step the following day. they are to go home, write out 10-15 peoples names ONLY! then we meet the next day, we go through the rest of the columns together. it seems to work and it keeps the sitting and spinning to a minimum. then when they go home they are already on the 6th step with less than a day to think about it.

good luck and keep us posted!

:hug:

[TrogL]

4. I'm up to two pages

54 "big picture" items and about an equal number of obsessions/compulsions/resentments, each one line.

It's still at the stage of "things to talk about" eg. my ex-wives get one line when they rate a novel apiece.

[NMDemDist2]

8. what does your sponser think of this encylopedia you're writing?

no wonder you are having panic attacks!

go do a 5th on what you've got already and get on with it. you can always come back and do more (and you will)

:hug:

[TrogL]

9. Haven't talked to him lately

(speeeling error)

He's on the road.

[ismnotwasm]

3. Your psychologist is right

Step 4 is merely a tool for examining one's self and the denial that comes with alcoholism. It is NOT a replacement for professional therapy and I've seen that approach. It's a simple program, and the 4th step is a simple tool, not a life thesis.

I've always been told if you're having problems with a step go back to the one before it. I had fun with that as a (still) dedicated agnostic, believe me. But I got through it---slowly. And I didn't drink one day at a time-- or as they say, sometimes it was one minute at a time.

Causes can be very difficult to look at. I didn't like it either. In fact, I still don't like it, but it's a habit now.

[demosincebirth]

5. Your obsessions that you named (eg. DU, the religious right) are

not important at this time. YOu can deal with those after you've been sober a while. Do what the book says.

Resentments are not obsessions.

Main thing is, go to a lot of meetings.

[TrogL]

6. I'm doing one or more meetings a day

My obsession with the religious right/Freepers was literally driving me to drink and affecting my employment.

Hell, I shouldn't even be typing this.

[demosincebirth]

7. I know what you mean. After the last Presidential election...

I didn't get a good night's sleep for six month. If Du is a troublesome obsession, then try limiting yourself on it. Get a sponsor or talk to your sponsor. Good luck and God bless.

[SPKrazy]

10. Remember It Is An Inventory

not just of liabilities, but assets too.

"A business which takes no inventory usually goes broke" (AA big book from memory so I may not have gotten it exactly right)

I think the approach of doing what you can, doing your best, and being honest is the best approach.

You and your psychologist know yourself better than me or anyone else do.

the only way to screw up a fourth step is to not do it!

JMO

Steve

[nosmokes]

11. do you have a sponsor?

a psychologist is great, but i think what you need for now is a sponsor. and forget about the causes for now. the list goes down the page in a column. the first column is who or what you have a resentment towards. that's all you need to worry about. the next column will deal with why, and the 3rd column will deal with how it ffects you. just like the sample given in the BB.

[RetroLounge]

12. Doing it in stages is a good idea

About 4 years into recovery my sponsor had me do situational 4th steps. Pick a topic...

My Dad
My Ex-wife
My employers
My brothers
etc.

Did them 1 at a time and got thru them.

RL