Feel like I'm losing it....

[yasmina27]

My husband is/was the orchestra director for our school district. At the end of April, he was supposed to go on a musical competition trip with the students to Myrtle Beach. When we got home from work, he started drinking. Around 7PM (he had to leave at 10 PM) I told him he'd better knock off the beer. He claims he did. According to accounts from people who were there, he was loud and obnoxious loading the busses. He was told to come home and not go on the trip.

He found a therapist who diagnosed him with depression and alcoholism. That's fine - I don't have a problem with that as I have said for a long time that he needed mental health help. Several other members of his family have mental health issues. He has not quit drinking. He is on an antidepressant and is for the most part much calmer (he didn't raise a fuss when our 5 mo. old puppy ate his glasses).

He was suspended for 5 days w/o pay and is on medical leave the rest of the school year.

He insists he does not want to go back to work. I think it's just an excuse to continue drinking the way he wants to. I know this man. He knows all the tricks in the book and knows just what to say and do to get his way. Financially we're ok even if he does retire.

Meanwhile, I am suffering form severe back pain and am beginning to hate him. We took the kids out to dinner to celebrate their last day of school, during which he proceeded to tell me to throw away the finals I had given - they didn't mean anything anyway. OK, if he hates our profession so much, don't denigrate me just because I'm still doing it. I try not to talk about work as it seems to set him off, but sometimes I have papers for him, etc. that I have to bring home to him.

He has never once asked about how I feel about all this. Oh, he says that these are his options and that I have a right to know about them and I offer my opinion. But everything is about HIM. I went to Dr. about my back on Wed. and he never even asked how it went.

I am so ANGRY! I truly don't know how much more I can take. I am ready to tell him to leave or I will. The only reason I stay now is for the kids. but I'm wondering how this situation must be for them. Our 8 yo brought home all her end-of-year papers the other day and there was a project (for president's day) where she had to write what she would do if she were president. One thing she wrote was "no drinking beer". To me that says that it is affecting/bothering her.

He has never been physically abusive, but verbally he can be very mean and cruel. He doesn't control my movements or money - at least not in a threatening way.

Would welcome any opinions. Sorry for the long post. It doesn't begin to cover the history of our relationship, but just gives the bare bones details.

Thanks

[NMDemDist2]

1. yasmina, get thee to Alanon ASAP

seriously

you need some input from other people who have been in your shoes. we alkies are unlovely creatures

:hug:

and hope your back gets feeling better soon

[jschurchin]

2. Hi Yasmina27

Really good advice from AZDemDist6, like always. Here is a link for meetings in your area: http://www.pa-al-anon.org/meetings.php?id=18

Living with someone with this disease is difficult at best, impossible at worst. There are people out there with the same difficulty's as you. You are not alone.

Good luck with everything.

Peace,

John

[KitchenWitch]

3. I must third what the others have said

Also, see about finding your children an Alateen meeting, it sounds like they need to find ways to cope with this as well.

:hug: