23 days

[mdmc]

I haven't smoked pot in 23 days. I miss it and I have not been entirely sober, but this is the longest that I've gone without pot since 1999.
I've smoked everyday since 1991. I did have a half year sober in 1996 and a couple months pot free in 1999.
It is a small victory, but a victory none the less.
:party:
(I bet that I still can't pass a drug test at this time) :(

[NMDemDist2]

1. Dude, it's none of my business

but doesn't it strike you as a bit odd that you are having so much trouble with this? If you're not addicted wouldn't that mean you wouldn't be obsessing on it? and if you are addicted..........

just saying..

:shrug:

congratulations on 23 days however, sounds like it's been tough for you. hang in there! :pals:

[mdmc]

2. I'm addicted to pot

that is why I'm havin so much trouble not smoking.

obsessing is part of my nature...

I'm not sure what to say... this has been uber-hard for me... thanks for the congrats... i'm hanging in there...

[NMDemDist2]

3. maybe some meetings then? get some support from other folks who

have been where you are :shrug:

best luck mdmc!

[mdmc]

4. oh

meeting... for pot smokers?
We have NA meetings here (AA too), but none for herb... I would be scared to show my face at a local meeting (I know many service providers... wouldn't want them to know that I'm a stoner).

To be honest, I am thinking more along the lines of returning to retail or cheating on my drug test, and returning to the herb.

thank you for the luck...

[NMDemDist2]

5. the mechanics of recovery do not change

only the drug of choice

edit to add, I just read your post in the Pot thread and a meeting would help with the loneliness and give you tools to deal with the anxiety too.

don't let the fact you are known in the community stop you, you could always claim you were just doing research

but don't be fooled into thinking that no one knows you're a stoner either. most folks can smell a stoner and spot the symptoms. you may find if you are honest about your situation in the meetings no one who knows you will be surprised.

if worse comes to worse, take a road trip to the meeting in a neighboring town. at least you'll have something to do with those long lonely evenings

what have you got to lose? you are already looking for a job and failing that drug test may have been a blessing in disguise. it may not seem like it now, but if you take this as a message from the Universe to do something different, you may be amazed at the results in a few months

hang in there.

[mdmc]

6. If I went to a meeting I would definitely go to another town

The people (that run the treatment centers where groups are held around here) are stoners as well. I know that they smoke, and they know that I smoke. We have smoked together... We have worked on cases together with mutual clients.

I am having trouble with the idea of being a "client".

I know many CSW and CASAC that smoke. It is not really the other people in the group that I fear, it is the staff. I don't want them to think that I can't handle the leaf.

As far as jobs, I can work in retail or as a paralegal without drug tests. It is just non-union not for profits that drug test.

Failing the test was an eye opener for me. And it has been a blessing. I found this discussion forum and that discussion forum, and I realized that I am very addicted to herb.
I also had to be honest with my parents about why I didn't have a job. My dad was super pissed at me. He wanted to know why I didn't cheat on the test (I didn't really know anyone with clean urine, except my sister). He offered to pee for me the next time. I told him that I was going to stay off the pot until I had a job.

When I used to go to therapy, I almost always had to get stoned afterwords. I fear if I went to a meeting, I would need to smoke afterwords. My priority is passing a drug test, and not sobriety. The easiest way would be to cheat on the test, but I have decided to abstain.

As far as what do I have to lose... I am in denial that I have a problem. If I start to address the problem, I will have to abandon the idea that I am a functioning stoner. I guess I am out to prove that I can pass a test and get a job,,, and get back on my feet again. Thinking outside of these terms is so painful for me...that...I don't think I could handle it without relapsing... Even discussing it here...with limited honesty...is very painful.

I am, however, hanging in there. I just got back from dinner at our local bar, and everyone was drinking, and now everyone is smoking. I'm sober and posting on DU. I didn't drink or anything.

Thanks for your posts. I am hearing you, I'm just not listening. But I truly appreciate the talk.

[NMDemDist2]

7. :BIGHUG:

and another :hug:

as we say around the rooms, it takes what it takes. :pals:

[mdmc]

8. thank you

:D
:pals:

[demosincebirth]

9. self delete

[Kire]

10. We are under no surveillance at any time

That's what they say at my meetings.

What kind of service providers are you talking about? Do they run the meetings? There's got to be some church basements all over the place wherever you are. You can find them.

Orange County, right? Here are all the NA meetings in your county:

http://www.newyorkna.net/Events_and_Meetings/event_db.php?advanced_search=1&search_for_meeting=1&new_location_state=NY&new_location_nation=USA&weekday_sel=&new_location_county=Orange&zip_radius=4&zip_zip=None

If Newburgh is not in Orange County, search for your county here:

http://www.newyorkna.net/

Just don't use and go to a meeting. Meeting makers make it. Get a sponsor. Get a home group. Use the phone.

[mdmc]

11. thanks for these links

I work in the human service field, and was talking about the group counseling that takes place in treatment centers. I do know some people that run NA groups, but I wouldn't mind if they knew I had a problem.

And I do have a problem. I can't control my herb intake. I just can't bring myself to think that my problem needs to be addressed via NA. "It ain't that bad," I say to myself.

[Kire]

12. I just wish you would stop calling it "herb"

It makes me uncomfortable for some reason

[mdmc]

13. cannabis?

:shrug:

[Kire]

14. You're free to call it anything you want.

But it seems to me by the words you choose you are glamorizing it.

It's cool. Maybe I should just stop reading your posts. I'm the one with the problem.

You're obviously not listening to anything anybody is saying, and you're just pulling triggers, so welcome to my ignore list.

[NMDemDist2]

15. whoa! that's pretty harsh IMO n/t

[Kire]

16. He should go out and continue using.

Come back when he's really hit bottom.

He's just asking for advice on how to pass a drug test anyway.

[KitchenWitch]

17. Even if passing a drug test is his only motive for being here

(and FWIW, my sense is that it is not his only motive), the outcome is not up to us, we are here to plant seeds of recovery. Sometimes they bloom right away, sometimes they lay dormant for awhile before blooming.

[Kire]

22. "the outcome is not up to us"

right, so we should all ignore the guy, it's all up to him

[KitchenWitch]

25. I respectfully disagree

I will not ignore one who is looking for help, even if it is for a temporary time, since he could decide, after cleaning up for awhile that he wants to change his life.

You do what you need to for your recovery and sanity, but I will not ignore the OP.

[NMDemDist2]

18. well that is the big book's recommendation if one isn't sure

nevertheless, truth without love is brutality.........

:shrug:

[KitchenWitch]

19. Good post!

:hi:

I figure that not all efforts bear instant fruit. But it is sometimes the late bloomer that is the most rewarding.

[Kire]

21. so the big book is brutal?

good, I know I'm not alone, then

I don't see any more posts in this thread that say "Ignored" so I guess he's not crying about it. He's probably getting high.

how do you suggest I gussy it up?

[NMDemDist2]

24. no the BB is carefully instructive with gentleness and love

using "we" and our, not "you" and "your"

it also says we speak of our own experience, sharing what works for us

Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all of the program. .....Do not contradict such views. Tell him you once felt as he does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action.....

Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself.....

We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witch burners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything
about alcohol by one who hates it. pg 94, 96 & 103 "Alcoholics Anonymous"

[Kire]

27. Where have I shown "intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution."

The paragraph before the one you put in bold is more applicable:

"We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself....."

[NMDemDist2]

29. there is a difference between "leaving such a person alone" and

putting them on ignore.


as for your first question, I'll leave you to re read your posts in this thread. there was certainly some intolerance expressed. whether that was your intention or not is not for me to judge

I wish you the best and as they say around the rooms "Keep Coming Back" :hi:

[Kire]

31. i'm a jerk

i'll keep coming

[NMDemDist2]

32. ...

you'll always be welcome! and we both got to stay sober today

not everyone can say that :cry:


:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

33. You are not a jerk

Perhaps a talk with a sponsor or trusted friend from the rooms may help?

[Kire]

35. I never meant to hurt anyone.

I just really feel strongly that my addiction is serious business and if someone is going to be less than that with me, I can't handle that right now. Calling marijuana anything other than marijuana or pot, well, apparently I have issues. It's playing with fire (and smoke - see, I can be funny?).

I took mdmc off my ignore list, just so you know. I want only the best for him, and I never thought I was trying to be "brutal". Tough love was the only thing on my mind. My apologies if my intentions were not communicated well enough.

I'll keep coming and I hope everyone who reads this does too.

[KitchenWitch]

36. I am glad you are here with us.

My addiction is no less serious than anyone else's. Addiction is serious. I think you will find, as time goes by, your tolerance of others will increase. I understand where you were coming from with mdmc, and there is nothing for me to forgive you for, thank you for the apology.

I wish you success and happiness in your recovery. I know you will find it.

[KitchenWitch]

20. Our responsibility is to carry the message

If the addict/alcoholic chooses not to hear it, that is on them, not us.

I understand where you are coming from, and perhaps putting the OP on ignore is the best for your recovery at the moment, and that is perfectly okay.

Keep comin' back!

:hug:

[mdmc]

23. thanks everyone

i don't know what else to say... but thanks and keep fightin the good fight.

[Hawkeye-X]

26. I celebrate 9 months of pot-free addiction next week.

And there is Marijuana Anonymous.. almost all over, including on-line :)

Hawkeye-X

[NMDemDist2]

28. super! congrats! and that's good info on MA I didn't know if there was

such a thing.

I'll recomend it

[KitchenWitch]

30. Congratulations!

I did not know about MA either! Thanks for letting us know!

:hi:

[usregimechange]

34. We are told with our testers that 2 weeks + should test negative.

[mdmc]

37. I had two weeks clean but still failed

I'm pretty chubby and I had smoked everyday for about 15 years. That is a lot of thc to get out of the system...