I was at goal at WW but things happened in my life

[tibbir]

and I gained the weight back. My mother got sick the first week of September with pneumonia and from that point on it was a steady slide until she finally died on her birthday the end of November.

I have problems with depression and when I'm depressed I tend to gain weight. For my mother's last 3 months I spent the better part of each week with her because she couldn't take care of herself. She just kept getting worse and worse. I stopped eating my relatively healthy diet and started going to Dairy Queen for hamburgers. Then I went on a diet of DQ Blizzards (ice cream with broken up candy). It got so that I only wanted these blizzards and I stopped eating anything else. It was crazy but I was going out of my mind about my mother.

Since my mother died I've stayed depressed so I haven't really started to get real about losing weight again. I don't know what to do - I don't want to keep on gaining weight.

I'm going to try to start walking again plus get back on a more or less balanced diet. For one thing I'm going to start eating at home again.

I know there's nothing anyone can do about my issues but I just needed to get it off of my chest.

[auntAgonist]

1. tibbir welcome to the group.

I am so very sorry for your loss. The depression can be a living hell, I know , I've been there in similar circumstances when my Mother passed away. I too gained a lot of weight from eating comfort food. I just didn't care about anything anymore. Recognizing the problem is half the battle. You'll always miss your Mother, there is no doubt about that. My friends and family kept telling me that my Mother wouldn't want me to disregard my nutritional needs and emotional needs. I finally believed them and slowly but surely dug myself out of the hole I'd buried myself in. My family needed me, I needed me. They (your family) all need YOU to be healthy, both in mind and body. I was never one to see a therapist. I don't trust my emotions enough to talk to one face to face, I'd sit there and cry through the entire session and that would do no good. I have no idea if some therapy would work for you but you may want to give it a shot?
Hang in there tibbir, we're all here for you. You can do it, one day at a time. DQ blizzards are a great treat once in a while. Reward yourself with one when you've done well.

As a side note, there is a very caring group of people in the 'bereavement' group you might want to check it out.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=323


:grouphug:

sincerely.
aA

[Kathleen04]

2. Hi tibbir

Welcome. I'm sorry for your loss. :hug:

Just take it one small step at a time, you're on the right track with your plan of taking up walking again. You can do it!

[Longhorn]

3. We're glad you found us.

Welcome! And please accept my sympathy for your loss.

One thing that I've found when I've regained weight is that I have to get over the guilt. Otherwise, I tend to punish myself by eating and it becomes a viscious cycle. Frankly, I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about -- it's your body and you did what you had to do to cope at the time. But if the guilt is there, then forgive yourself and give yourself permission to move on with taking care of yourself. There's no time limit on grieving for the loss of a loved one but there IS a time limit on punishing yourself over how you handled the loss! :hug:

[LoveMyCali]

4. I'm sorry for your loss

I too went through similar circumstances when my mother died. It was a long battle with COPD and she had to be in a nursing home toward the end. I still ate well while she was sick because I realized that I had to take care of myself because I didn't want to miss time I could spend with her because I was sick.
After she passed I gained some weight back quickly, I'm also a WW lifetimer and had been maintaining for over 7 years. I finally realized that the "comfort" food I was eating wasn't comforting me and the extra weight was making me miserable so I got back on program. I never stopped going to WW meetings during the whole process. Do you go to meetings? Maybe the support there would make it easier or some people just find the added accountability of having someone else weigh them in helps keep them on track.

Good luck. :hug:

[lavenderdiva]

5. hey, tibbir...

as you know I too lost my mother, and have been in a tailspin with my weight for about 15 years now. Today, interestingly enough, I read a quote from Keanu Reeves (of ALL people, for heaven's sake!) that seems to resonate with me, and may help you too:

Keanu Reeves: “I think, after loss, life requires an act of reclaiming,” he says. “You have to reject being overwhelmed. Life has to go on.”
(He was speaking about leading his life now. The 41-year-old actor-in 2006- says he continues to mourn the loss of his stillborn daughter in 1999 and the death of the baby’s mother, Jennifer Syme, in a car crash in 2001.)


I had no idea that Mr. Reeves had suffered those losses in his personal life. However, I know for myself, the concept of being overwhelmed with life has been constant since my parents' passings. It may be for you too. I have been focused sooooo much on my losing them, and what that has meant for my life, that in ALL that time (10+ years now), I haven't really focused on me and my life. Sad to say, and sad to realize that this huge chunk of my life is now gone. I must 'reclaim' my life, and set my intentions for my life and start living it. I know it will be hard, but I have to start trying....

[tinfoilinfor2005]

6. Same thing here. Death of mother = all weight regained.

I had lost a lot a weight that year, most of it intentionally for my daughter's wedding, but also a certain amount from worry and stress and grief as my mother was very ill and then dying. Then after she died, I simply buried myself in food.

I wonder if nature hasn't actually set up a mechanism that encourages children to gain weight after the death of a parent, because throughout the centuries, it was the job of the child, especially the daughter, to physically care for an ill parent. And it stands to reason that it might have taken a toll on the person as far as weight loss. Of course in this day and age, even with the stress and emotional toll, we don't do much of the actual physical care, so we don't suffer much weight loss.