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Hello everybody! :)
This is my first time posting here since late last summer. It's really funny when one stops to consider just how confident I was when I first posted here, and just how much I had to say, only to have my whole world turned on its head over a 5-month period. I am very happy to announce that not only do I have myself together once more, but I am in fact a few pounds down from when I stopped posting here. I am posting this at work, since I still don't have a home computer (my old one died just after New Years), so my concentration will be broken by incoming phone calls, but I will try to explain everything that has gone on with me in a manner that is concise and not too confusing. :P
What started me on the slippery slope into a truly frightening depression was that the foot pain I'd been contending with for nearly two years simply would not go away. As a result of that, I would take as many early-outs from my casino dealing job as I possibly could, often working only 2 or 3 hours on slow days. This cost me a lot of money, but it helped me to retain at least some semblance of quality of life. I could go out shopping with my wife and spend an hour or two on my feet, but anything more and I'd be in howling agony later that evening and the next morning (plantar fasciitis is just one of those gifts that NEVER stops giving!)
Unfortunately, my average weekly hours at work fell to such a low level that one day my supervisor pulled me aside to let me know that my attendance was being audited. I had to immediately start building back to a 35+ hour weekly average or I would be designated part time and as such I would lose my health insurance (such as it was....)
So, during the months of September and October of last year I worked between 36 and 40 hours each week. By the third week of this I was well on my way to becoming a pain pill junkie (well not really, but I completely ran out of my cache of morphine and I was taking a 10mg hydrocodone every day that I worked), and in addition I was also using very dangerous anti-inflammatory drugs (indomethacin and prednisone) just to get through each day. By the time I simply gave up and stopped going to work in mid-November, the pain had spread all the way up to my lower back due to my ridiculous standing posture and the stress on my body from my excess weight. While all this was going on, I was becoming VERY depressed, and my eating habits reflected that. By the time I left my job I had gone from a low of 407 when I was posting here regularly to over 430 - within 5 pounds of my lifetime high.
The only reason I was able to stop working was that my wife, Jeanette, had gotten a job with a call center and the pay was better than anything she'd had here before. In additon, there was plentiful overtime available in January and February and she got a lot of extra pay that way. I spent that time mostly just sitting around and playing games on our PlayStation 2. Little by little I was hurting less, and my feelings of utter worthlessness started to subside. At the end of February, I put in an application at the same call center where Jeanette works, and due to my computer knowledge I got a job in the same tech support campaign that she's in. I don't make as much per hour as I did as a dealer, but the fact that I always get over 40 hours a week actually means my paychecks are about the same as they were then.
After weighing myself last November, I was terrified of the scale and did not step on it at all until about 3 weeks ago. However, I had an idea that SOMETHING was actually going right when I got my new work clothes from King Size. I had Jeanette place the order here at work on her computer, and I wrote down a pants size that was one larger than the slacks I had worn as a dealer (62x33). When they arrived and I tried them on, they were simply way too baggy for me to wear without a belt. We decided to go ahead and keep them though, because the loose fit makes riding my bike more comfortable. When I finally weighed myself about a month ago and found that I was back down to 417 - a loss of nearly 20 pounds - I was stunned. For so long I had done next to nothing every day, and while I wasn't compulsively overeating on a regular basis I most certainly was NOT watching everything I ate.
So, in conclusion, I have learned just how much of a drag stress and depression can be on a person when they are trying to lose weight. And, with the way things are going so much better for me now, and with my increased physical activity, I am anticipating that by the end of April I should be out of the 400's for good. Now, if I can make it to under 300, that will be for the first time since early 1991. Where just a few short months ago I was waiting to be shoved into a corner in a wheelchair and forgotten, I'm now feeling better both physically and emotionally than I have in at least two years.
For leaving this community so abruptly and for so long, I am truly sorry. I just didn't know how to handle all the pain and stress I was under. I had been occasionally writing short notes to Aunt Agonist and she was very supportive. Also, there's no way I'd have made it without the support of my wonderful wife. She was our only source of income for 3 months, and on top of that did most of the shopping and other household stuff and never complained once. There are no words to describe just what a difference having someone by your side who cares that much can make.
I'm glad to be back, and I look forward to seeing lots of progress and good vibes amongst all of us. :)
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