At times like this you have to count your blessings.

[Systematic Chaos]

Well, as is typical of me, I seem to always wait until a major tipping point to come here and post anything. I don't know why I'm not more accepting of support much of the time, because for the past couple of months I've really needed it. Today was some of the first good news I've had in the interim, though, and it came from - of all people - my doctor.

I have mentioned here in a couple of existing threads that I'm coping with a diebetic ulcer on my left foot. Unless you have actually had one of these then you can't imaging the constant pain and discomfort that comes with one. I have already had an ulcer on each of my shins, one of which was due to self-neglect and the other was caused by heavy doses of very dangerous medication. The first was in 2002 and it started only days before my first trip to Phoenix to meet Jeanette for the first time. I called her from the doctor's office the day it finally sunk in that I had a serious problem, and I will never forget the abject terror I felt that she was going to want to call everything off at that point once she realized that I was "damaged goods." The second one happened about 18 months ago, when I spent 7 weeks with my left foot in a cast, ostensibly to treat plantar fasciitis. Not only did the time spent out of work and immobile accomplish exactly nothing, but the huge amount of water I retained due to large, long term doses of prednisone and indomethacin caused an ulcer on the leg that was not in a cast.

As painful as each of those was, this one on my foot with its vastly increased nerve activity and sensitivity has just about driven me insane. It is healing, but the process is VERY slow, and for the last three weeks I have been deprived of sleep, missing work, and throwing temper tantrums that would do most colicky babies proud. I was supposed to see my doctor last Friday, but he was on vacation and that ended up being rescheduled at the last minute. I finally got my chance to see him today, though. Bear in mind that less than two months ago I stepped on his scale and came in at 402 fully clothed, and anticipating being well under 400 by my next visit. I didn't know exactly what I was in for in terms of this foot at the time. My activity level for the past 2+ months has been virtually nil, and because of my inability to move around I have been miserable. Add to that the pain, and I have been grazing almost continuously to comfort myself and to give my fucked up emotions an outlet. On his scale today, I was 4-fucking-34. I'm once again less than a sack of flour away from my lifetime high. I rather loudly threatened to shoot the scale after I got off it, and I don't believe I was joking....

Jeanette accompanied me to the room where I waited for the doctor. When he came in I explained my situation and begged him for something to help me sleep at night, because the only thing I can compare what I'm going through right now to is before I got my CPAP machine for sleep apnea and I was getting literally NO REM sleep, only right now I can breathe, but instead I'm in constant pain too. He looked at my foot and was pleased with what he saw, but he had the nurse scrub the area of all the dead skin and stuff and boy was that ever fun :P. He then prescribed for me one of the painkillers in the -contin family (not oxycontin but something a step or two below - still some mighty strong shit) to help me sleep, as well as a month's supply of a brand new medication for diabetic neuropathy. He is confident that with this I will be able to function once more, and should have little problem sleeping like I should.

After that was done, we got into discussing my lab work I had done about 10 days ago. The doctor ordered me to get a full battery of blood work, plus a urine sample to determine kidney function. As I sit here typing this it is still hard for me to grasp it, but believe it or not, after all this, the ONLY number that was far enough outside the normal range to be worrisome was my HbA1c (or moving average blood sugar index), which was 7.9. That number should be below 7.0 for diabetics, and below 6.0 for non-diabetics. My total cholesterol was only 171 with an LDL of 104. Not great but once I begin exercising again that will improve on its own. My triglycerides were 115. Perfectly normal, and I've heard of many people nowhere near my size with measurements hundreds of points higher than that. Not one major nutrient, electrolyte or other indicator was out of the normal range. I got a note excusing me from going in to work after the appointment because I already felt tired due to yet another poor night's sleep, so our temporary roommate took Jeanette to work, and so now I'm sitting here feeling happier than I have in ages... even with the sudden and steep weight gain.

Jeanette and I have both scheduled concurrent appointments to see him again on 9/19. I made him a promise that between now and then I would do whatever it took to get just 5 out of the 32 pounds I've gained back off. Also, as soon as we can afford it, I will be ordering a really sweet recumbent exercise bike. It's not as good as the Life Cycles that are in health clubs. The home versions of those cost over $2,000. But this one is about $750 and does all the same things, and comes with a 3-year warranty. I can sit and pedal for as long as my stamina will allow, without having to worry about stress on my foot injury. When I got as low as 378 before my plantar fasciitis kicked in, I had a much cheaper model of the same thing to thank for it. Unfortunately, when we were forced to move suddenly we had no way to bring it with us and so it's not with me anymore. I will be keeping this new one though, no matter what.

I have made a firm decision that I will either get this weight thing completely under control by my 40th birthday, or if I'm still 100 lbs or more overweight I will seriously consider surgery for it. I have too much to live for to be in all this pain, and somehow my body has maintained a great deal of resilience. Somehow, when countless thousands of people in my age bracket who aren't nearly as big as me have major organ failures and end up dying because of bad lifestyle choices, I have managed to keep most of my fundamental numbers intact. To continue gambling with my life this way is just foolish, and if something seriously debilitating were to happen to me it would be nobody's fault but my own. I promise all of you who are regular visitors here that I will post at least once every couple of weeks from now on, no matter what. I will stay in touch and not go into a shell if I'm having trouble, because if I continue to do that then there's virtually no way I will pull out of this. As always, I deeply appreciate your time, concern and feedback. Here's to the health, well-being and happiness of ALL of us! :grouphug::toast::grouphug:

On edit - Not 15 minutes after I post this message I discover this thread:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2485066
Mike Malloy fucking GONE from AirAmerica Radio. GONE! Financial decision my fat fucking white ASS.
My roommate is on his computer right next to me playing World of Warcraft or so help me I would be crying my eyes out. They're already watering.
Fuck me.

[Broken_Hero]

1. Well it sounds like things are looking up

It must be rough going through issues like this, and I hope/pray for only the best...:) I am lucky that I don't have diabetes, my doctor's been jumping on my ass for two years about it, and I think, secretly, he is pissed that I don't have it yet...:) I am big, and fat, but I didn't get this way from sugars/sweets...for me it was fast food all the way...:)

I don't know how diabetics eat, and try to maintain health. My mother/father in law both have diabetes, and I have seen many books/sheets that their doctors have given them on foods you cannot eat...like potato's, corn, bananas, bread, rice...the list goes on...after reading it, i'm like, wtf can you eat! I sympathize greatly with diabetics, because you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't....:(

Very good post...:) :hi:

[Systematic Chaos]

2. Not all the information floating around is based on fact.

There is a lot of confusion and misinformation concerning diabetes, and I believe that it's only because if people knew how easy it really is to control type 2 diabetes, the medical establishment would lose a cash cow worth tens of billions per year. Did you know that they're predicting that very soon a full 30% of the population will be diabetic or borderline diabetic? That is just outrageous, and there's no damn excuse for it! Complex carbohydrates and a high-fiber diet will completely regulate blood sugar when combined with sensible portions and exercise. What screws us over is the high-fructose corn syrup and other refined sugar and flour that's in almost everything you buy at the supermarket. And this past couple of months I've really gone overboard on that kind of junk. Not too much sweets here either, but LOTS of fast food and pizza. And I know better.

I'm going to be eating a lot of brown rice, potatoes, veggies and whole food snacks like raw trail mix or Larabars. That, and an hour or more of exercise a day (after starting off slow and building up) will put me back on track to lose 3-4 pounds a week without feeling deprived. I just need to stick to it and remember that there is someone in my life who truly loves me now. I want to be here for Jeanette until I'm 90 if I can help it. At least. :)

[Broken_Hero]

3. very understandable...

I didn't start caring about my health until I got married in 04...then I started thinking of the long term, and I knew I had to make some changes. With diabetes, I have no idea wtf is going with it...my doctor has been hammering me on it for over a year, my blood sugar after the glucose test is 92...from what I see from my inlaws, the docs don't want them to eat rice/potato's/anything with enriched flour in it...and of course the sweets, aka twinkies, candy, crap like that....

My mother in law is on insulin, my father in law is on some meds, can't remember the name, he use to be on metformin, but is on something else now...

[Systematic Chaos]

4. Mine are glyburide and avandia

And after being 495 on the day I went to quick care with the ulcer, I have dropped into the range of 85 - 200, and anything above about 175 is rare. Normal should be 120 and under for fasting sugar and 140 and below two hours after a meal.

And a little more about rice... brown rice is like whole grain bread, whereas white rice is not only the equivalent of the 79 cent generic white bread from the store, but it is often coated in talc, which is not good. Mind you, I'm not arguing particulars here, and I know that someone who is insulin dependent REALLY has to be careful with every bite of food they take in, but people must understand that carbohydrates, in and of themselves, are not a bad thing at all.

Here is a link to one of my personal heroes' websites. Out of all the diet guru types, he is one of the least well known because he tells people what they NEED TO KNOW, and not what they want to hear. Check out the information here and tell me what you think. And yes, he has week-long seminars for people with 5-digits to spend, but his core information is usable by anybody who can turn on a stove burner or chop some broccoli, and there is NO marketing of supplements or special foods in conjunction with his theories. I have followed his advice about 95% to the letter on a couple of occasions, and during those times I felt years younger than I had before starting on it. Really makes you wonder what is so GOOD about pizza and fried chicken that would make a person want to go back to it.... :P

On edit - Might help to enclose the damn link....
http://www.drmcdougall.com/
:rofl:

[Broken_Hero]

5. thanks for the link

and the info. A lot of what I hear contradicts itself...my wife and I live the diabetic life, because both of her parents have it, and we try to set the example...:) Her father is a complete hypochondriac to the TILT! He thinks everything can be solved with pills, or a shot...and this man's hobby is truly buying meds, vitamins, pills...shit, anything on tv that says its is healthy for you basically...he is sorta nuts at times...:)

I try to make sense of the madness...with dieting myself, I cannot have greens because of the bloodthinners that I'm on....

[Systematic Chaos]

6. You may need a different strategy for a time, but...

with weight loss and a low-fat diet your blood will thin itself. I'm no doctor, I realize, but there are actually very few conditions that can't be overcome with good nutrition and common sense. A food addiction sucks because you can stop smoking and live. You can stop drinking alcohol and live. You can stop HEROIN and (usually) survive. But just try and stop eating...? :(

Show your father-in-law this the McDougall website. Hell, buy him one of the books he has out. A $15 investment might teach an old dog some new tricks. You never know.

[auntAgonist]

7. wow GG, you've really been through the mill

this year. It does sound like you have a good health care pro though and that should help get you on track. I'm sorry you've had such difficulty but I'm really glad to see you posting here again!

Keep us updated, send me a PM once in a while and say Hi to Jeanette for me please :hug:

:loveya: both!

aA
:hi:

[Systematic Chaos]

9. As always, thank you for the kind words and encouragement!

Jeanette is doing fine for the most part, but she still has major blood sugar issues of her own that we're going to have addressed when we go in on the 19th of September. She needs to drop about 40 pounds or so, which is nothing compared to me, and I am hoping that if I finally start to succeed with my own struggle that it will inspire her.

[Systematic Chaos]

8. UPDATE - First day on neuropathy medication

I slept with only minimal interruption last night, and it was never due to the foot. I'm sure it's because of my weight and not my bed, but I need to switch positions at least 3 or 4 times a night or my back will get very sore. Other than that, my foot never went over a 2 or so on the pain scale of 1 to 10, whereas it used to stay at a constant 3 or 4 with spikes to a 5 or 6 that would wake me up instantly.

I'm wearing my special shoes for people with foot problems again, rather than just a brace thing that they gave me, but of course I'm nowhere near ready to go back to tennis shoes or my Sketcher suedes. I am taking care to eat very light today. I have two Larabars and two oriental soup bowls which are about 250 calories each and low in fat (but unfortunately a bit high in salt because of the seasoning... but still nothing too outrageous). Tonight I plan to have spring mix in little habanero-flavored tortillas with either low fat dressing or hummus inside.

I feel better today than I have in at least 3 weeks. :)

[auntAgonist]

10. It's a struggle worth fighting GG!

I'm glad you had a reasonably good nights sleep. When we're rested the world looks a whole lot brighter doesn't it? It sounds like the neuropathy meds are going to work for you, that's a real plus on the road to feeling better all over.
One day at a time my friend. One hour at a time if necessary :)

best wishes

aA
kesha

[Systematic Chaos]

11. New meds: Day 2

Slept like a log again today and had a hell of a time actually getting out of bed, but within a matter of minutes I felt very good. I had a nasty wave of nausea yesterday that happened after I had already posted. I ended up spending almost 30 minutes in the restroom on a 15-minute break, and thankfully I didn't lose the soup I ate for lunch (and could barely keep down.)

I fully intend to come in on both Saturday and Sunday to get some overtime at my job. Monday is a holiday so I will at least get one day off to relax. But if I'm going to get my exercise bike (and iPod!!! :evilgrin:) then I have to make up for the lost work from this past few weeks.

I have been a pretty good boy today regarding eating. I had a couple of Larabars during the morning, spaced a couple hours apart, then had two of those oriental soup things for lunch. Less than 1,000 calories so far today, and there won't be much time tonight for dinner so I shouldn't go beyond 1,500. That's right where I want to be until I can start exercising in earnest. Then maybe I can max out at around 2,000.

Hope all of you are feeling okay. :D

[Broken_Hero]

12. An Ipod...

must be nice...I'm jealous...:) Sounds like you had a deccent day. I had...hmm, a bowl of vegetarian chili and...toast, so far today. I usualyl don't count calories...I use to when I was younger, my mother was a HUGE richard simmons fan, and that deal a meal stuff she liked forcing on me, so since then, I haven't counted calories much....

[Systematic Chaos]

13. I don't have the recumbent OR the iPod yet.

I'm dreaming of the day though.

By the way, speaking of Richard Simmons and Deal-a-Meal, I remember reading an article in Mad Magazine at least 10 years ago, that they printed right after one of those 1000+ pound guys had been taken to the hospital after the wall was torn out of their house. I laughed so hard I cried when I read it. It was titled something like "The Official Code of Conduct for the 1000-Pound Man". One of the rules was to never sit in a restaurant, dealing Deal-a-Meal cards to yourself out of an 8-deck Vegas-style blackjack shoe. Another had something to do with not showing off your bed sore collection, and yet another said to "never laugh at any 1,100-pound men you may meet in your daily travels. It is the lowest form of disrespect." :rofl:

[Systematic Chaos]

14. Update - 6 days of pain management

Now that I can sleep without constantly waking up from foot pain, I am a MUCH happier person. Actually, it's almost frightening to me how well I sleep now. Granted, it is mostly due to the fact that I'm on 60mg doses of some morphine derived knockout pill, but still.... My head hits the pillow and within 5 minutes I'm out cold. I often find myself waking up for the first time about 4 or 5 hours later, only to realize I hadn't moved an inch in all that time.

I am having serious problems with physical atrophy right now. Standing for more than 10 minutes or so, even in the shower, leaves my entire body feeling like I've just done a vigorous weight training cycle. Because I'm so inert, I have finally forced a major reduction in my eating habits and I'm adjusting to it pretty well. I've become a serious fan of these instant soup bowls that they sell at Trader Joe's. They are kinda like ramen, but the fat and sodium content is much lower and there is no MSG or other nasty additives. I'm having two of those almost every day (just over 200 calories each), plus a Larabar every day on one of my breaks. For my lunches I have been eating lighter. Today I have a prepackaged turkey sandwich from Trader Joes (total 520 calories with the dressing.) When I get home, I take a shower and have, at most, a light snack before going directly to bed. This is keeping me around 1500 calories a day, which is about all I can justify until I begin exercising regularly again soon. I really want to get some stamina back now that I feel somewhat human again. :)

[Systematic Chaos]

15. Update - Almost 2 weeks later and foot is still healing

I am going totally batshit crazy from lack of exercise now, but I'm still trying to reduce my eating patterns. I'm sad to say that some days are better than others in that regard. I think once I get my blood moving again I will be more focused, and the endorphins will counter my depression (and by extension, my need to graze on comfort food.) I haven't wanted anything as badly as I want the recumbent bike I'm going to order in a LONG time.

I have been sleeping better, but my overall energy level is still godawful low from inactivity. I will be ordering my new recumbent this coming Friday, and it should be delivered by late next week. Jeanette is looking forward to helping me put it together so that I can start using it. I think I'll start out trying to do 15 minutes at a moderate pace, twice a day, just to help keep my metabolism up. With any luck, I'll be able to increase that time by a minute or two almost every week. That is how it has worked for me before, but honestly this is the weakest I have ever been so I'm keeping my expectations suitably low and I will feel happy with any progress, no matter how small.

On the day I begin the new exercise regimen, I will let this thread go and start a new one much like Petersond's. Be sure to come and check on us both regularly. Your support means more to me than I can possibly say! :)

[Broken_Hero]

16. Good ...

I'm glad your foot is healing up...:) I know you can do it, its just a matter of just "doing" it, regardless if its five minutes, or 40plus minutes, just as long as you are doing it...:) Good luck, and the bike you should me the other day looks great...:)

[Systematic Chaos]

17. Update: REWARD for missing immune system.

Oh, Jesus CHRIST I'm sick.

Over the last 36 hours I've caught the most energy-sapping cold ever. I can barely move, think or anything. Hopefully it will be gone soon, because I couldn't even dream of going to work today and I've already missed way too much. I'm sitting here now trying to keep away by playing World of Warcraft with Jeanette. She's in the bathroom so I thought I would post here. She bought me some zinc lozenges and orange juice today, so hopefully those will help.

I will keep you all posted....

[Longhorn]

18. Get well soon!

You've dealt with enough this year! :hug:

[Systematic Chaos]

19. Best cure for clogged sinuses - Jalapenos

Love 'em or hate 'em, there is nothing that will clean you out like eating a jalapeno ring or two every 30 - 60 minutes for an entire day. The more seeds they have stuck to them, the better. I did that yesterday along with some zinc lozenges and lots of sleep, and while I still feel a bit out of sorts there was no major problem with coming in to work today other than dragging my butt out of bed. :)

I order my exercise bike TOMORROW! I am so HAPPY!!! :bounce:

[Systematic Chaos]

20. Update - Best two weeks' pay I've spent in ages!

My new recumbent exercise bike is now on order from Bayou Fitness. Link is below for the curious:

http://www.bayoufitness.com/Detail.bok?no=104

I can't wait to jump on this thing. It was only 3 months ago, before the foot ulcer that Jeanette and I were riding the 5 miles home from work almost every day on our bikes. Now, mine is in serious need of repair and someone stole her front rim when a friend of ours didn't lock them up properly for us, so riding in the great outdoors is completely out of the picture, and with my foot in such bad shape I don't think I would want to risk it anyway.

At any rate, my sinus problem is well on the way out and I'm in such a happy mood for a change! :D

I should have the new bike here within a week. The company's feedback from their Ebay auctions is overwhelmingly positive and customers almost always comment that the shipping was much quicker than advertised. My fingers are crossed....

When it is here and assembled, I will be starting a new thread which will act as my running diary, and I will discuss my exercise and be more open about my erratic eating habits, which I hope I will find the willpower to change for the better. Eating veggies, rice and beans one day doesn't mean a lot when you eat half the Wendy's menu the next. :P Besides, deep down inside I know that this is pretty much my last stand. By my 40th birthday (and maybe my 39th, which comes up in 18 months) if I am not securely below 300 lbs. and still dropping, it will be time to consider surgery or something. Better that than to live with the limited mobility and utter lack of energy that I have now.

As always, thank you all for your continued support and encouragement. :D :yourock: :bounce:

[Broken_Hero]

22. Thats good to hear...:)

I know you can do it, all it takes is a little conviction, and it sounds like you got that in "spades"....:)

[Systematic Chaos]

21. Enjoying my weekend

Foot is still healing up, but progressing noticeably. It sure will be nice to be able to wear regular socks and shoes on my left foot again. :)

Spending my time playing World of Warcraft. Eating fairly light also. I've got tomato and red pepper soup and some turkey sausages from Trader Joe's that I can put on onion rolls with some mustard. And lots of tea, vegetable juice and water.

Now it's just a matter of waiting for the new recumbent bike!

[Broken_Hero]

23. regular socks...bleh...

I had to get the doctor sholls diabetic socks, for shoe size 13-16...they are awesome...the regular socks would always choke my ankles big time. My shoe size is 14w, so the 6-12 socks suck big time for me....

Sounds like you are eating some healthy stuff...I am going to try turkey sausage and see how that works....but other than that, I'm strickly a tuna/ham/turkey for meat...rice/popcorn....I really need to start remembering that there is a produce section at the grocery store...I hardly ever go over there, except for onions. I need to incorporate a bit more fruit into my diet, and maybe some cauliflower. With my meds, I cannot eat greens, so I have to stick to some weird veggies.

World of Warcraft...tell me, how good is it? I have only played Warcraft I, that came out in like...95 or so, and I loved that game, and starcraft as well....I hear a LOT of good things about WOW, but nothing specific, like what new armies/armor/creatures/weapons you can make....

[Systematic Chaos]

24. WoW and EverQuest 2 are equally good, IMO

WoW is a game where you can play whatever class suits your style best. There are literally TONS of weapons and armor to be found, and they're "tiered", meaning that some item names have a much rarer color than others and the stat boosts and extra powers of the rarer items will be proportionally greater. WoW is also a game where you can play lots of Player-vs-Player if you want to, or you can stick to 5, 10, 20 or 40-man raids if you want. You can also run instances, which are like dungeon crawls, in various group sizes or even solo if you have the right class.

My main toon is a hunter for the Alliance side (most of my toons are Alliance side, actually). He has a tamed bear who acts as the main target, while I just stand off to the side and pump stuff full of arrows. :) Warlocks are similar, but their pets are conjured rather than tamed. Jeanette and I also have a warrior/priest duo that we play a lot. I run around bashing everything in sight and she at least tries to keep me alive. Her personal aggro control isn't too good yet, and I spend a lot of time trying to taunt things off of her so she's not the one taking damage. :)

We are on the Garona (m - m - m - myyyyyyy Garona! :rofl: ) server and our toons are almost all in a really great casual guild called the Guzzling Imbibers. One of the members took an instant liking to Jeanette, when Jeanette ran up and threw some buffs on a low-level alt toon that they were playing just for fun. That's how we got guilded, and she and her husband gave us starting money, great bags, and ran us around to a bunch of the griffin stations - which basically are the main method of intercontinental travel.

Now EQ2 on the other hand, tends to be similar to WoW in many ways, but overall it is a more challenging and engaging game. Levelling is a bit slower, the number of quests you can do is many times higher, and the sheer amount of content is rather daunting. Even though the installed player base is only like 5% as high as WoW's is, Sony really busts their asses to bring a quality experience to the table. I think the main reason why EQ2 is not as popular is that in terms of horsepower needed to run it well it is a more demanding game. I would not play it at all with less than an Athlon 64 3000+ with the best AGP video card you can buy for it, and 2 GB of RAM to top it off. It runs a lot more smoothly on my dual core Athlon x2 that I have now, but because HP is skimpy on their power supplies I was very limited in terms of what I could put in this one for graphics. Still, it plays well on the "balanced" graphics settings in most locations and is beautiful to look at. I can't remember what server we're on in that game because for now we're not playing it, but we'll be reactivating our account before the 3rd major expansion hits in November - which, coincidentally, will be when WoW's first expansion comes out, and the games launched within weeks of each other.

[Systematic Chaos]

25. Update - I don't believe this....

Now that I am on medication that keeps my blood sugar considerably lower than it had been just a few short months ago, one would THINK that my odds of further damage to my feet and legs would be drastically lower. Um... no. :(

It's starting to look like, now that my left foot is about halfway healed up, my RIGHT foot is beginning to ulcerate. I haven't been wearing any shoes that cause excessive rubbing and I have been so damn careful. If this ends up being the case I'm going to be one highly pissed off dude. But you know what? No matter what happens, it doesn't change the fact that my new exercise machine is coming. Nor does it change the fact that I have just spent a good deal of money on foods that are designed to keep my portions small and my total calorie count sustainable but low. 1200 - 1500 a day and that's that. I had my last trip to a buffet-style setting last night when Jeanette, our former roommate and I all went to the Olive Garden. And believe me, I was certain to really fill up on salad before moving on to the pasta, sausage and meatballs. I barely managed to finish my second portion (and, in fact, really only had the pasta, leaving the sausage for my doggie bag.) I ordered thirds but immediately had them boxed up to take home.... :evilgrin:

Jeanette and I are both scheduled to see the doctor later today. I will let him check out both of my feet and follow whatever recommendations he has. I only wish it were easier for me to attend regular wound care, but the closest facility is miles away and only open when I work. I have so many dings against my attendance at work right now (15 in the last 3 months, or more than a day a week) that most employers would have shown me the front door. But, I am considered to be a very good agent by everyone and the last thing they want to do is lose me, so I'm actually only on my 2nd warning (out of 4, and if I don't miss any work for 60 days I revert back to a clean slate.)

Rather than getting depressed or despondent, I will treat this, and whatever else comes my way, as just another challenge. I can lose the weight if I want to, but it has to be up to me. Most of my vital numbers are just too good to even think about giving up now....

[Systematic Chaos]

26. Back from the doctor....

And the verdict is that I start going to weekly wound care appointments ASAP, and possibly start on hyperbaric oxygen treatments. The doctor is really worried that I could lose some toes (or worse) if I don't get help beyond what he can provide. I'm going to have to rearrange my work schedule big time for this, and may have to jump to another campaign entirely, because the would care center is open the same hours I work and I have no choice but to get a weekday off.

I went by a combination of bus and my broken-down bicycle, using the bike to ride from bus stop to bus stop at the transfer points. Now that I'm home, from just that and nothing else, I feel like I've been moving heavy furniture all day. My whole body is lead. I only hope that the exercise I'll be getting will start to improve my circulation enough to help me avoid any more of these problems. Of course, no matter what, I will keep you all posted. I appreciate everyone's support and believe I can get through this.