|
You're just the best, all of you.
To make a long story short: I posted a thread in the Lounge yesterday openly thanking a person or persons who gave me a couple of hearts. I wasn't expecting to receive any but it made my day that I got a couple. Anyway, Droopy responded and asked how I was. Not even 45 minutes ago, I answered back in that thread indicating that I'm okay, but lost my star in the past week and didn't know if I could get it back. One of you guys has pulled through for me just like that, so I can post here again.
I'm holding my own with respect to weight, but I feel a lot of pressure to start progressing again so I can get out of the 480s. I try not to think that I need to drop close to 200 lbs. just to get out of the proverbial woods, but sometimes that really dogs me and makes it very hard to focus. Being down an arm for completely unrelated reasons doesn't help, either. I realized that the reason why it doesn't hurt me as much lately is that I just don't use it any more at all. I had a shopping bag that my wife had dropped off on my left side, which weighed maybe 12 lbs. or so, and tried to bring it up into my lap using my left arm. I got it maybe 3 inches off the ground when yet another bolt of pain went from shoulder to elbow and I had no choice but to reach over with the right hand and use only it to pick up the bag. So what this does to me beyond just knowing that I can't lift or move much is it sticks like a huge craw in the back of my head every single time I'm up and about and I'm absolutely terrified of falling or losing my balance. If I don't even have 12 lbs. of strength on that side then how am I supposed to use my left arm in any way to break a fall or help myself up? I know I could still manage with only the right arm but the pain would probably do me in before then. And nobody can look at this or do one fucking thing about it? *sigh*
So yeah, I'm still kicking and trying to exist as best I can and keep smiling rather than frowning, but having to deal with the fact that I'm completely screwed if anything happens to Jeanette (or even our roommate who pays 1/3 of the rent + utilities), or she loses her job or anything. I think what I'm going to do, now that I've gotten some of this off my chest, is I'm going to get up and wander around the apartment for a while since our roomie seems to be in his own bedroom asleep. I hate being afraid of even that much, but life goes on, no?
Thank you again for your continued concern and your unwavering support. I'll be back to post more in the next few days, I promise! :grouphug:
|