I think I screwed up...can I fix it?

[Tripper11]

Ok...I hope this doesn't go too long, but here goes.

I was in a job for a little over 3 years. I went from not even knowing what the position/job entailed to being pretty damn good at what I did. I worked hard, learned and asked questions.

Part of the problem there was that there wasn't a lot of forward movement with the workplace(it's a tv station, in news). They aren't "contenders" but try hard and do pretty damn good despite their lack of resources.
I worked with great people(for the most part, some were idiots, but hey!), we were always proud of our achievements no matter how big or small, we had positive things to say to each other(and negative too)

Anyway, as mentioned above this was new to me and after achieving what I had I started to get a little frustrated and was really hankering to move up in the world. I wanted a shot at the no #1 in the market and I got it. When I interviewed I was clear that as confident as I was, and how far I had come I still had a long way to go and thought this would be an excellent opportunity to move forward in my career.

Well, it's been 3 weeks since getting my wish came true and I hate it! It's everything I thought it would be and more...waaaay more and I having a sinking feeling I bit off more then I could chew!
People at the new job are helpful enough and I am not shy to ask questions, but man, my confidence has really been slammed back a few notches.

I am constantly anxious, not sleeping well, not eating, etc.

When I left the original station I did it professionally and without burning any bridges and was actually told that if I wasn't happy to call and I could have my job back.

I'm kinda driving my wife crazy with all this! She just recently changed jobs and went through similar anxiety which I helped her through, but has since settled in very comfortably where she is.

I'm really confused. Part of me really feels that this is just out and out not good, that it really doesn't feel right. Then friends and family, who encourage me positively, remind me to take a decent amount of time, and give it a chance...I'm just not sure how much I can take, both physically but particularly mentally.
I did get a decent raise when I moved, but then again it was never about money and IF I was to go back, I would likely lose that little bonus.

Thoughts? Advice please? I don't plan on making any rash decisions based on what anyone might say here, but wondering in all my thoughts and scenarios that I have gone through in my head...have I thought of everything, the consequences of my decisions one way or another.

Thanks, I hope this isn't too confusing and I look forward to any replies...

Cheers

[Longhorn]

1. I think your friends and family are right.

You need to give it more time. It's very uncomfortable being in your position right now but, as time goes by, it WILL get better. That doesn't mean you will definitely like it better but you'll become more comfortable with your surroundings, your colleagues, and your responsibilities. Only then will you truly be able to judge whether the job is a good fit. If six months from now, you feel the same way, then perhaps you should consider other options. But you'll still be ahead because you will have gained even more experience.

It sounds like you need to give yourself a break -- give yourself a chance to learn your new job. Have you heard the phrase, "Fake it till you make it!"? Many people are not nearly as confident on the inside as they come across but they've learned to keep their fears hidden. You probably have, too, but since you KNOW what your fears are, it bothers you. But you're entitled to make a few mistakes and ask questions and even share your opinions based on your brains and experience.

It's admirable that you left a comfortable job to take a chance at something more challenging! Good luck and let us know how it's going! :yourock:

[Tripper11]

2. Thanks Longhorn.....logically I agree with what you are saying

....it's just that in my head I tend to blow things up to be bigger then they really are. I know time is the answer.
As an analogy it almost feels like I broke up with someone that I liked more then I thought. It's turned out to be harder to let go then I thought.

[Longhorn]

3. I hear you!

I share your affliction and often have battles going on in my head. Fortunately, like you, I have wise family and friends who help me sort it out.

Maybe you should give yourself a deadline -- that is, after X months, you're going to re-evaluate your situation and make a decision. Then, in times of extreme frustration, you can remind yourself that it's only for a little longer, that you can handle anything for a short time. You're not really tricking yourself because the time limit is genuine, but it does serve as a coping device. If you decide to stay at the end of that period, you can always grant yourself a time extension. :)

Take care! :hi:

[Tripper11]

4. That's a good idea Longhorn...

Actually my son is going to be changing schools soon and not to get into a whole history he's going from one specialized school for kids with disabilities to another and he doesn't want to change at all!
So I kind of made him a little deal. He changes schools and gives it 3 months, and I will do the same with my new job.
He's been diagnosed with several variations of adhd, pdd etc, nothing solid but seems to have set himself apart from other kids.
It's my way of trying to let him know that even us "normal" people have high anxiety, aren't sure of what were are doing etc.
So, yes Longhorn, I have essentially established, in my mind and with my son, that 3 months is a reasonable enough time period to a least stop, take stock and see how I/we feel.
Bottom line...I can't keep feeling this way, if it gets better in time great..but if it's the same, my happiness(and his) is of the utmost importance in the end!
Thanks for your kind replies.

[Longhorn]

5. You sound like a great dad!

What you're modeling to your son is a great lesson to all of us. :yourock:

[Tripper11]

6. Thanks....I try.

:hi:

[truedelphi]

7. I second what Longhorn said

My dad was awonderful person, but whenever he hd chance to go up to a level that was intimidating - he refrained out of fear. I think in the long run he would have been happier going out on a limb.

Know that it is okay to to be afraid. It's okay to be anxious. (As long as we aren;t talking abt being incapacitated by anxiety.)

Have you thought of hypnosis with a calming hynoptist? They an be very helpful. I had two sessions when I was running for City Council, and they really made me beleive in myself and also helped me lose the jitters.

[SKKY]

8. Being in the Military, I typically change jobs every 3 years...

...and what you've described is pretty much what I go through every time I change duty stations. It always gets easier for me, primarily because, well, I really don't have a choice since I can't exactly put in my 2 weeks notice. I just resolve myself to learning as much as I can, as quickly as I can, and that's when things usually start to turn around- around the 3 month mark. As far as the confidence thing goes, I know what you're talking about there. For me, it comes from working around people who are smarter than I am or know more than I do, or who work in higher profile positions. It can make one feel as though they're not "up to snuff". The end result to all of this is that I'm always better when I transfer from a place than I was when I got there. And I see nothing negative about that. Stick it out. You'll be fine. I'm guessing they hired you for a reason.

[Vincardog]

9. Here is an idea: Find ourself a Hypnotherapist find the source of your anxiety and clear that bock

Just make sure your therapist deals with the cause and does not just gloss over the symptom like some have been known to do.