Greetings Everyone-
I went to a Toastmasters meeting for the first time tonight. It was not bad at all.
The first time I got to speak was when someone asked me who I was. I said I knew this person through my Mom and this other person through an acting class we took together two years ago. I hesitated, and my Mom's friend said I didn't have to say anything, but I ended up getting out that "the depression has lifted. I have confidence now, and I was looking for ways to channel it."
Later, they were going around the room and everyone was supposed to talk in a pirate voice. "Arrr" was very popular. Some people made names for themselves. I didn't put on a voice, but I said I had a pirate story, and someone giggled. I then said that I had been visiting my Aunt in Hong Kong in 1987. She told me a story about how one of her friends, who had children my cousins' age (5 and 2 at the time) had once been on a boat. She might have been murdered, I don't remember exactly, but I think the story was that she had gotten her hand cut off.
I said I had many stories similar to this. And I do, both heard from my Aunt and also experienced in my real life. Sometimes they get me upset, but it's not as bad as it once was. I want to learn how to speak in different situations, especially business and other places where these kind of stories might not be appropriate. I definitely want to improve my sense of humor and I just love to tell stories. (Someone said they have a whole program on telling stories).
During the "table topic" portion of the agenda, I volunteered to speak. I introduced myself, said it was my first time speaking at Toastmasters, and that I expect to make a lot of mistakes. I was definitely looking for criticism, and I have gotten the most improved award at least once in my life before.
Then I opened the folded slip of paper which was my topic, "If you wish to lead, you must serve."
It took a minute, and I said something how a lot of the topics were about leadership and it was important. And then I said if you're going to be a leader, like a manager or employer, then you're going to have to know what you're talking about when you're telling the people you are leading what they are doing. If you tell someone to do something, and they make a mistake and maybe get hurt or lose business somehow because you didn't know what you were asking them to do, it's not really their fault.
I said a few umms and ahhs after I gathered my thoughts, and then I commented on the fact that I was umming and ahhing with a nervous laugh.
I then said something about the fact that I have been living at the "bottom of the barrell" for many years now, while several of my family members are succeeding. I was thinking about my father being a Vice President of a major corporation by the time he was my age, but I didn't say it. I was thinking about saying something about how that feels, but all that came out was how I have been working at Quick Chek (convenience store in New Jersey) for the past two years (I didn't say part time, on disability). I forget how it went exactly, but I said I was happy that my taking orders at Quick Chek gave me the experience that this quote says I should have in order to lead.
Someone later told me that it lasted one minute and 37 seconds. I wasn't sure if they meant I was supposed to fill up the whole two minutes or not, but I was pretty much done with my train of thought at the edn.
The criticism I got was that there were several umms and ahhs and you knows, but overall it was good that I was able to use an experience from my own life.
The last speaker was someone I hadn't seen in a long time, but who knew my parents years ago. Her quote was: "To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing," by Elbert Hubbard. When she spoke, she defined the words criticism, and what do nothing, say nothing and be nothing means. She said that you're cheating yourself out of life and all that, but it didn't seem like she believed herself, to me.
The person who evaluated her said she was very good, but that she should look out at us more.
Later on, there was time for comments from the floor, in which we could all evaluate anyone we wanted. I evaluated another gentleman who had some great ideas about writing things down and keeping to do lists, but was very excited showing us too many visual aids so that I was bothered to the point that I had to look away.
And then I spoke to the woman who got the Elbert Hubbard quote. I told her that she just did something. I think I congratulated her, but I also said something like "now you're going to get a criticism." The room hushed a little but, and I told her what I observed about the definitions she recited, and that the phrase "mean what you say" came to mind. I told her I hoped that she would be able to get that confidence and get out into life. I said I didn't know how to give it to her, but that I just hoped that she would get to that point someday. I said I have been terrified of criticism almost my entire life, and I have felt like nothing that whole time.
So I think I'll be going back when they meet again. I hope to be able to join their program officially, following their program, which only cost $39 a year. After 10 formal speeches to the group, you are supposed to get to a certain level. There are levels above that, too. It sounds like a neat group. Started in California in 1924. 93 countries. Thousands of groups all over the world.
Here's the website:
http://www.toastmasters.org/And here's a story about how a member screwed up his chance to speak to his State Senator once upon a time:
http://www.toastmasters.org/MainMenuCategories/FreeResources/FunnyThings/PoliticalChange.aspxVery cool that I just found it after I looked for the website because it reminds me of the first time I was ever politically active in 1996, when William F. Buckley, Jr. came to my campus at West Chester University in Pennsylvania. I helped organize some protests outside with EARTH, the student environmental group and a couple of my friends who just wanted to stand outside and play drums. I wanted to draw attention to the "Timber Salvage Rider" which was the "Logging Without Laws" bill that later became the Healthy Forest Initiative, which ordered the clearcutting of huge amounts of forests, primarily in the Pacific Northwest, but also in other parts of the country.
It was huge buildup. When it came my turn to go up to the microphone, I might have said one or two things, but all that came out was "What do you think about the Timber Salvage Rider?" And I remember also saying something about what the environment will be like in six or seven hundred years. Buckley rolled his eyes and someone in the crowd shouted "Go home" and there was lots of booing (of me). I was fuming for the rest of his speech, to the point that I started yelling something (I don't remember what) and waving a magazine about the Timber Salvage Rider as he walked off the stage.
WFB, Jr. said something about how this world is a giant ashtray and he questioned why people treated all animals as pets. I remember those two things because I wrote them in a letter to the editor in the school paper, replying to a less than complimentary story and editorial about it the week before. My last words in the letter were, "I am home. I live on campus."
I went to DC just a few weeks later to lobby for the bill at the time (we lost 209-211) and I sat in a meeting with a bunch of people from Defenders of Wildlife, and a half a dozen other big environmental groups. I got a chance to tell my story about this, but I bit my tongue, and I brought it up with somebody in the hall outside afterward. I remember that the gentleman whom I had come to the meeting walked by and heard us, and I was ashamed, yet again.
I have had a lot of shame about this, and about a lot of things, to the point that I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I got better for a while. I did a lot of stuff in 2004 for Kerry and the Democratic Candidate for Congress in my district. I made a lot of friends, but I was not well, and I had many "learning experiences" along the way. In 2005, real life hit me and I was in debt, and then I got a Chapter 7 personal bankruptcy, and I was on SSDI and Medicare, which I'm still on as of this day.
I really want to get out and support myself and be independent, and I think I am capable of doing it. Assistance is important and it helps a lot, but I have experienced a lot of consequences about how I feel about myself. Not because some Right Wing Republican told me this or that. I just feel like I need to get out and be a real success. The sky is the limit as far as I'm concerned, but I know it's a one day at a time thing. It's a balance between having too much ambition or ego, or whatever, and too little.
Thank you DU for being here and letting me write this. I have several other things in my journal about good things that have been happening since this past July.
Please do not be afraid to evaluate me. It will only help me. I know there are a lot of prepositional phrases and "I said"'s in this post as I write this. I think I'll go and edit, but if you see anything about my grammar or my presentation, let me know.
I hope to be able to help others in a similar way at some point in the future.
Warm Regards,
Kire
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