You might be a Republican/RW Christian if...

[Rocknrule]

finish the sentence

- your version of the Bible has 10 asteriks next to "Thou Shalt Not Kill"
- every time you pray, you recite "There is no god but God and Bush is His Prophet!"

[misternormal]

1. you put a dollar in the collection plate...

... and take back $0.75 in change.

[Lusted4]

11. and pull back a twenty n/t

[BlooInBloo]

2. If you force your daughter to turn control of her sexuality over to you...

... with a symbolic lock and key.

And then proceed to take your daughter out as your date to a ball.

[AmandaRuth]

3. You really beleive in "the market"

but enjoy all the benefits of wage and employment regulations.
Because, you know, corps pay min wage because they are compassionate, and executives make mega millions because they deserve it, and no one can do the job for any cheaper. I mean there is not one person who can do the work of an oil or auto executive for say $300,000 and only $10,000,000 will do.

[mindfulNJ]

4. by "pro-life"

you mean save all the fetuses that are white,Christian and American. Bomb the hell out of those Muslim brown ones...:puke:

[AmandaRuth]

5. You beleive only the rich deserve tax breaks

and only the poor/middle class make sacrifices for the war for oil.

Blessed be the Rich!

And if there is one thing you hate, its those damn public schools!

[seabeyond]

6. every repug misdeed is followed by "we are all sinners"

yet the misdeeds of all others will get em in hell

[peanutbrittle]

7. We are living in the last days and the anti-christ will

arise from Islam. So that is why Jesus approves of this war.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

8. You really think the Rupture is coming.

But you won't help feed poor people.

[justgamma]

9. You can ignor the commandments

and do anything you darn well please because Jesus died for our sins.


If you think God is full of hate.

If you ignor all of Jesus' teachings.

[Arugula Latte]

10. ... you hate long-haired hippies with sandals, but

supposedly "worship" a long-haired hippie peacenik who wore sandals.

[karlrschneider]

12. Here's an oldie but goodie

10. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods of other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9. You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created directly from dirt.

8. You laugh at polytheists, but have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7. Your face turns purple when you hear the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua", including women, children and trees!

6. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and ascended into the sky.

5. You are willing to spend your life looking for loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing the Earth is a few generations old.

4. You believe the entire population of this planet with the exception of those that share your beliefs -- though excluding those in rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor and speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2. You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence prayer works. And you think the remaining 99.9% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1. You actually know less than many atheists and agnostics do about
the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself
a Christian.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

[TahitiNut]

13. ... you don't help your kids to learn to think for themselves.

:shrug: (... because thinking for yourself has never worked for you, either.)