the stupidest person in Alaska

[donsu]

http://www.buzzflash.com/mailbag/06/07/mai06161.html

-snip-

Subject: Downloading the Internet

What do you expect from a guy who wants to build a multi-million-dollar bridge to nowhere? Further proof this guy lives under a rock somewhere and only slithers out when it's "earmark time"... guess we can kiss net neutrality goodbye ... because "all the commercial stuff" interferes with Stevens' staff downloading the internet!

What does it take to become the prestigious chairman of the Commerce, Science and Transportation committee of the US Senate? Well, technically, not much.

US Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) speaking from personal experience (along with his amazing explanation of how the Internet works), on why the Internet is so slow and why his staff's Internet response time is measured, not in seconds, like it is for you and me, but for them in days (beginning with what happened that fateful day he tried downloading the internet ):
---
"I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially ... the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material."
---

So there you have it, from the horses mouth (which end is up?), from the person looking out for you and me, everything you download gets stuffed into a tube somewhere, behind someone else's internet, waiting for its turn to be downloaded.

So, now you know that When you download music, a news video, read this story, or update your virus scanner information, or whatever, you are shamelessly tying up one of the Internet tubes for a long time and so someone like Stevens will not get his internet downloaded until your internet download finishes, maybe days later.

If you want to become totally depressed listen to Steven's total flow of unrelated, detached and unconnected statements, peppered with misused phrases that he heard somewhere, like "streaming," during his speech before our wise members of Congress:

http://media.publicknowledge.org/stevens-on-nn.mp3

But please be aware that while you listen to his speech, someone's internet is waiting for you to finish listening. You can be so selfish sometimes.

The Inquirer (UK) 3-Jul-06 http://www.theinquirer.net/default.aspx?article=32770

DJW

-snip-
-----------------------------

Alaskans actually elected him? or did Alaska's rigged voting elect him?

[maxsolomon]

1. Senile is not stupid

someone connected to Ted Stevens stands to make a bundle from that bridge - construction, and then development of the island it connects.

Uncle Ted is no fool. he's a powerful ASSHOLE.

[acmavm]

2. An internet was sent by his staff? (1st sentence of his). How'd

they do that?

[annabanana]

3. It was easy after they got it

out of the tubes, really.

[Hugin]

4. Wasn't the Tubes a rock group?

Way back when?

[acmavm]

20. Yeah, they sure were.

There's a blast from the past.

[hootinholler]

23. White Punks On Dope...

One of thier hits, IIRC

-Hoot

[eviltwin2525]

7. i can't believe i ate that whole thing

yes, an entire internet, shell programs and all

[napi21]

5. I don't understand WHY someone doesn't explain the internet to him?

Someone on his staff, someone from Microsoft, or Google, or any other technology company! This stuff can be successfully explained to fairly young kids, so surely the Senator could get a grasp on the basics!

I would think HE would want that, instead of standing up on the Senate floor and sounding so stupid!

[Hugin]

6. I could build a diorama depicting the Internet...

or would that only confuse him more?

[donsu]

8. I was wondering if the Senate laughed out loud

nt

[unpossibles]

10. no, but I just did

for reals!

thanks!

:D

[Hugin]

15. Okay... Here's my first cut of a diorama from the description.

(Internet)(Internet) --> (Tube)--> (Staff) --> (Him)

[anarch]

17. or something like this:

[Hugin]

19. Perfect!

Anyone (who isn't hard of thinking) can see that's a true
representation of the Internet.

:thumbsup:

[unpossibles]

9. I am amazed this is the guy who is chair of commerce and science

which back in his day meant riding your horse to the barber for some good leechcraft.

[ellie]

11. You can't forget all the

people who voted for him. They are stupid too!

[A HERETIC I AM]

12. The only reason his internet is so slow is cause he used the SINGULAR.....

I mean....EVERYONE knows it is the "INTERNETS"

Thats why it was so slow. He was only using one of them!




What a doofus.

BTW...the cost of his bridge to nowhere is enough to buy one hell of a nice boat for every single person on that island .

[Swamp Rat]

13. LOLOLOL!!!

:rofl:

[donsu]

14. I should have added that he has the stupidest staff in Alaska too

nt

anybody know their names?

let's out their dumb behinds.

[diamondsndust]

16. So the way I understand it, from the good Senator, is like this:

Ok, so when I download something, it goes into a tube from, let's say, CoffeeCup dot com. My program is then placed into a tube inside their computer, then it is sent out through the modem where it follows either the phone line or cable connection out to the pole where it then dumps into the main lines out there. Now these tubes flow thru the phone and/or cable lines to a junction box where they are rerouted to different cables running towards my computer. Once the tube gets here it comes right through MY lines into my computer.

So the slowdown occurs because my tube gets stuck in these lines with everyone else's tubes, and it has to wait sometimes while other tubes have to slow down to turn into your line. You understand it now? :rofl:

I feel cheated now. I'm on a satellite connection and I just sat outside for 30 minutes watching my dish. Since it is the main point of entry for me when I download my internet, I was expecting to see these tubes flying from the sky into the radio receiver of my dish. Can the good Senator explain this to me, explain where the tubes are?


:rofl:

[anarch]

18. hey, check out this internet I just downloaded

[A HERETIC I AM]

21. Now, do it again and you'll have interNETS

n/t

[butterfly77]

22. His name is temper tantrum Teddy...

look at some old footage of him talking he's an evil little drunk.