Be Rapture ready in less than a minute...

[sinkingfeeling]

I was at that Rapture Ready forum the other day and this one caught my eye. I probably sat here at my desk for two minutes with my mouth open. It is so entirely different from what I was taught in church years ago (I'm now a total non-believer).


"Please prayerfully consider taking the opportunity right now, this very moment, to pray to God and tell Him you are truly sorry for your sins, that you repent of them, and that you accept Jesus' sacrifice for your sins and His gift of eternal salvation.

That's all it takes, and you can do it in less than one minute. If you will do this, you will not be left behind.

Please consider it!"


Wow, it's easier than changing your password! That's all there is to it! Guess this is why people like Tom Delay can cheat and steal all they want to. In 30 seconds, they can tell God they're sorry and be cut in for the Rapture!

[Master Mahon]

1. Isn't it interesting

how mere mortals can tell you what to do to be saved?
And, of course, what the charge is?? :+

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

2. Well, The Author Should've Mentioned That You Have To Truly Feel That Way

prior to speaking the prayer.

[gatorboy]

3. When they float into heaven, will they be naked?

And will it be possibleto grab them by the ankles before they get too high up and arrest them for indecent exposure?

[Alexodin]

4. I actually asked one this question about nudity and they said

you get a white gown that descends and covers you, so no there will be no nudist party in the clouds. Still I wonder about the coal miners and people that may be in a tent at the time. I wonder if it would help if I stood on a stump in my lawn or maybe got up on my car hood or my roof and made the touchdown sign for blast off.

ed sp

[calico1]

5. Natural fabric or polyester?

:rofl:

[Alexodin]

9. Wool?

[Ishoutandscream2]

7. Oh boy, they sure have all the answers

Are they sure the gowns are white?:silly:

[The Icon Painter]

19. And the fit

One size fits all?

[guinivere]

23. What? A white gown descends?

So are they supposed to wait around naked or what. Their clothes and undies will just plunk off?


If everyone said a prayer and asked forgiveness there won't be anybody left behind.

[malaise]

6. The backlash when they realize they've been

duped will be great fun. We should get ready for that. :popcorn: :popcorn: :rofl: :rofl:

[calico1]

8. I think most of them are too brain dead

to realize the rapture is BS. They will probably come up with some excuse for why it didn't happen now. And they will keep waiting...

[malaise]

11. No economic hardtimes

and being duped will make some quite angry

[calico1]

13. Well, I hope you are right and some of

them wake up from their fantasy world.

[malaise]

16. I hope so too

SOmething's gotta give.

[earth mom]

10. Yup, that's what *, Cheney, Ken Lay and the rest of the GOP thugs do...

Lie, cheat, steal, commit horrible crimes and say a fake ass prayer-and VOILA-it's "ALL GOOD"! :puke:

[sueragingroz]

12. I dig the rapture threads...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=1735245&mesg_id=1738910

[Mabus]

14. Reminds me of the original "Bedazzled"

When Stanley is asking the Devil/George Spigott about condemned souls. The Devil/George laments that one of Stanley's examples of someone who should burn in hell said "excuse me, so sorry" at the last minute and shot up to heaven.

[graywarrior]

15. It's kinda like kissing food and offering it to God after you drop

it on the ground to make it pure enough to eat.

[flyarm]

17. calling all rapture folks with rolls royces...

can you leave me your keys when you go????????????

and don't let the door hit you on your way out!!

and take this as your thank you note ahead of time..

have a good trip..

fly

[LondonReign2]

18. Errrr, how does one "prayerfully consider" something?

Can you do amything "prayerfully"? Do you actually just pray whiel you do it? Can I prayerfully rollerskate? Prayerfully cough? Prayerfully have sex?

What a bunch of dumbfucks. Unfortunately people that far gone will NEVER come around.

[ComerPerro]

20. American Christianity (pop culture Christianity)

is such a pathetic pissing contest.

"I pray six times a day"

"Well, I pray seven".

"Well, I forgive you for your sin of pride"

"Well, I forgive you for being jealous"

"I bet I get raptured first"

"Nuh uh"

[sweetheart]

21. Rapture collars

Your post conjured up images from the old swarznegger film "running man" where the prisoners
wore explosive decapatation collars. A classic adaptation of this ageold techology could yield
a rapture collar guaranteed to offer a 60 second warning before decapatation sometime in a 30-year
random period.

Churches could buy them in-bulk, and democrats could order them as free gifts for republicans,
heck, for anyone who likes to shoot people and justify aggressive wars for cheap gas... a collar
brings you closer to god!! poof! Think of the graphic advertizements, during superbowl halftime,
where a man is driving a porsche 4wd carerra a sexy babe giving him a blowjob when suddenly her
collar blows, and her head is in his lap. He tosses the head out the car and kicks the body
out the door and, praise jesus, he's ready for another blonde!

[B Calm]

22. WOW that was so easy.. I'm now rapture ready!! Thanks