DU'ers I Need Your Feedback Now! Could This Be Big On YouTube?

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

I want to ask that you bear with me and give me 5 minutes to read the following. It is a rough off the top of my head script I came up with for what I'm thinking now could be an awesome web/youtube type short campaign ad. It is a series of 10 second or so scenes. I ask for you to read it with an open mind while attempting to visualize the characters and scenes. I'm no good at something like this, so be as creative as you can in tryin to follow the vision. Bear with me, and picture this if you will:

Video starts with a pretty but down to earth brunette getting in her car while in a mall parking lot. It is night time. All of a sudden a man with a gun grabs her by the hair and yells "Get out of the car now!". He then, by her hair, throws her out of the car onto the ground. He peels out and drives away.

Scene cuts and starts a new scene with her in the passenger seat of her boyfriend's car. She is still visibly shaken and her makeup is streaked with fading tears. The focus shifts to her boyfriend. He is a short blond haired college frat punk type. He sits stonefaced, and says "You have my word, I will never let anyone hurt you again".

Scene cuts again. This time it is daylight. They are both walking down a city sidewalk. They pass two twentyish looking guys who are minding their business while casually chatting with each other. As they walk past, the boyfriend stops, turns around, and pushes one of the men hard in the back thrusting him onto the ground. The boyfriend yells "I saw you look at her, don't ever look at my girl again!". The boyfriend then grabs his girl by the arm and they continue walking. His girlfriend says "What the hell did you do that for???". He replies with attitude: "I told you, I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again".

Scene cuts. New scene starts with him in their home. He is in the living room watching tv. The place is a total pig stye. There are open bags of chips everywhere, empty beer bottles laying on the ground and the table on their sides. There is dip splatter everywhere. Piles of his dirty clothes and underwear are strewn throughout the place in a very messy fashion. The place looks like a disaster. His girlfriend comes in the front door, seemingly home from a long day at work. She puts her keys down, looks around and says "I'm so sick of you doing nothing around here. This place is a disaster. I'm so fed up with you!". He then turns to her, starts yelling and says "Hey, did you get carjacked today? Did anyone hurt you today? I didn't think so! So shut your mouth already!". He then turns back around and continues watching tv.

Scene cuts. New scene starts with her sitting on a couch with a long time male friend. He is clean cut and charming looking. You hear them talking casually, and can make out her saying "That' s Right! Remember that time Jill did that too? That was so funny". You hear her laugh. She's in a good mood. Then her boyfriend comes home and immediately starts yelling "What the hell is he doing here? I told you that you're not allowed to go out or have any friends when I'm not here! You think he's going to protect you the next time someone puts a gun to your face? This guy can't protect you! Only I can protect you! I told you I was never going to let anyone hurt you again. Don't you ever trust him! Don't you know how to listen? Did you forget what you felt like that day you were carjacked? Don't ever forget how scared you were. Don't ever disobey me again!"

Scene cuts. New scene starts with her walking down the stairs with a packed bag. Her boyfriend has his arms folded angrily in the middle of the room. She says "That's it. I can't take this any more! I'm leaving!". He responds angrily and drunk "You can't leave me! Don't you remember when you were attacked? I told you I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. If you leave me someone will hurt you. I order you to unpack that bag if you want to be safe!" She responds "I'm not putting up with this anymore. That won't work anymore". She then takes the bag, brushes by him, walks out the door, and gets into a car. Her charming friend is in the car.

Scene cuts. You see her and her friend walking down an alley type block. A man with a gun jumps out and points it at her. He screams "give me your wallet now! I said give me your goddamn wallet!". Then, in a flash, her friend performs a series of lightning quick karate moves, disarms him, throws him to the ground, and subdues him.

Scene cuts. They are in a new house. They are sitting on the couch watching a movie. She is cozied up on his shoulder in her pj's. He is leaning his head towards hers. She has her hand in a bowl of popcorn and he's stroking her hair. She then says while giggling: "And my ex boyfriend said you wouldn't be able to protect me". Her new boyfriend, while kissing her forehead, says "Yeah, well your ex-boyfriend was an idiot".

End video. A message then comes on the screen: "It is time to end the abusive relationship. Vote Democratic '06"


That's it. I know I probably did a horrible job explaining it, but I hope you could visualize where I'm coming from anyway. It seems long, but it really isn't. All in all it's probably all of a minute and a half or two.

I could totally see this in my head, and I see it as an incredibly impactful short video. What are your thoughts?

[calimary]

1. I like it!

Another great way to get another good message out to the information consumer! Like it, too, that you're thinking of YouTube. We have to go street guerrilla on this - on ALL of this, to get anywhere. That's because the bad guys have pretty much every other vehicle locked up. And what they don't have, we're shut out of because we don't have the kind of money it takes to buy mass quantities of commercial time.

But YouTube is a different story. Good thinking!

[BattyDem]

2. I LOVE IT!!!

:applause: :toast: :applause:

I knew where you were going with it, but the average person wouldn't. They would think they were watching an ad against domestic abuse or about some sort of hotline - and then you hit them with the punch right between the eyes. They're going to be shocked for a second. They're going to have to think about what it means ... and then it will all become clear.

[unblock]

3. wow!

that certainly would pack a punch! and i agree with the logic.

of course, if it actually was made, the banana republicans would cry "foul" and the ad would get yanked before it ever actually aired,....

[BlueJazz]

4. I l ike it. inventive. strong message.

[Subdivisions]

5. K&R

[Ghost in the Machine]

6. OUTSTANDING!

I'm simply blown away... and I actually did see it in my head. I think it would be great to see it on screen.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

7. Be careful filming anything with fake guns in Denville.

The PD ain't the sharpest crayons in the box, in fact their often the left behind broken bits of crayon. A couple years ago they arrested some high school students with fake guns filming a movie for school.

It's a good idea though.

[Coexist]

8. I like it

maybe you could tie in how a lot of Vets are Dems by having him something about where he got his training after he subdues the attacker - mentioning he only uses force when attacked or something - I don't know - just a thought

[jen4clark]

25. Oh! Good idea, FLDem5!

And I love the "Had Enough" idea, too!

I think you've got a brilliant idea, OMC! I hope you do it!

[Red Right and BLUE]

9. Love it! eom

[REP]

10. Impactful?

This would be GREAT on Lifetime! Wait, I think it's on Lifetime already!

[helderheid]

11. Rec 4!

[hootinholler]

12. I'd add the question...

Had Enough?

Right at the very end, in the fade to black.

Gives it a tag that can be picked up by campaigns.

-Hoot

[Pryderi]

13. I like it! Only one suggestion that may be too "over the top"

Have the abusive boyfriend leave a baby to drown in the bathtub.

[BattyDem]

18. A baby named, "Katrina"

Over the top? Definitely! But damn ... that would really drive the message home.

The message could be softened a bit (a dead baby would probably be a bit too much for people to handle) ...

He's supposed to be watching his toddler, Katrina, while she's playing in the kiddie pool. He walks away and she falls down, face first, in the water. As she's struggling, Mom comes to the rescue, grabs the child and yells at the guy, "You turned your back on Katrina and she was drowning!"

:-)

[Pryderi]

30. Very Good! YES!!!

[silverlib]

14. This sounds really good...

I was thinking at the end, he would say "I can protect you without treating you badly or taking away your rights."

[BattyDem]

19. That's a good idea!

:toast:

[Dora]

15. It has everything it needs - so make it already!

Please do.

[ElboRuum]

16. Bravo!

You should absolutely and definitely do this.

[Generic Other]

17. It's a terrific idea

Do you have access to camera and actors? Go for it.

[LSK]

20. I like it! maybe not youtube, but it can be one of those emails

the kind that get circulated in large numbers like freepers like to pass around.

:thumbup:

[orleans]

21. nice idea--and inspiring--see this link for your second commercial

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x2140671

[calimary]

22. Did you see this one?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x2139693

[FogerRox]

23. KNR

[truedelphi]

24. I like it but what if

The woman is caught for a brief, very brief, moment pantomiming into a mirror some karate style kicks (During the era of the bad boyfriend)
and then towarsds the end when the hoodlum jumps the woman and the charming boyfriend at the end, the TWO of them can kick some serious butt.

[readmoreoften]

26. Good script. But effective filmmaking is more than a good script.

Info in case you're new to filmmaking:

If you're really going to do it right, you'll need good actors (and advice from a director on coaching if you haven't done it, also a place to audition), an excellent (meaning high-quality-film-student-with-a-reel at minimum) cinematographer-- not your buddy with a canon xl-1. You'll also need a good editor and someone who knows a little about motion graphics design.

It's harder to direct fight scenes than you might think. You're going to need moderately skilled actors. There are also a lot of locations in this commercial, which means a lot of time needed to move equipment. I'd say that 2 days of shooting is reasonable for this.

If you're really serious about doing this, you should scrape together at minimum $1000 (and I mean MIN-I-MUM you'll need it to rent sound and lighting equipment) and see if you can get some democrats in TV/Film nearby to work on it for free. Remember that even on pro-bono shoots, everyone gets fed 3 times a day and that needs to be budgeted in.

If the idea isn't executed very well, and it's shot on consumer video cam by someone who has little experience, if the actors are just friends who've never really acted, if the editor just learned Final Cut the night before, and the sound is tinny because you used an in-camera mic for everything including the voiceover at the end... or the sound is ruined because someone is running their lawnmower 6 blocks away and you didn't notice it in the heat of the moment: then it won't go very far on youtube, because the script won't come through if the project isn't executed carefully.

Get someone with a MODICUM of experience to help you. Modicum meaning someone who graduated from film school or who has been on set more than once.

That's my advice!

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

31. Your Advice Is Sound, But I Must Say,

I didn't intend to portray that I had anywhere near the capability of doing this on my own. I don't. Upon reading the OP again I realize I inadvertantly made an impression that I was seeking to actually make this video, and I feel bad that I gave that impression. I just had an impulsive idea in my head for the script and wanted to run it by DU'ers to see if it and similar type ideas are what we need to be doing right now to get our message out and overcome the republican images. I was excited when I thought of the metaphorical ad in the OP, cause I saw it in my head so clearly and just thought "that would be so cool if it was a real video. I wonder what DU'ers will think of the idea?".

I wanted feedback on the premise itself, not intending to portray that I had any capability of making it happen for real. I figured if DU'ers thought highly of the concept, someone here might pick up the ball and actually turn the concept into reality. I must admit though, I wouldn't even know where to begin to get it done myself, and it would be '08 by the time I figured it out LOL

But I agree with your advice wholeheartedly. I wish I had that capability, cause I'd love this script to be an actual video (with some tweaked and perfected dialogue, of course) cause I do believe in its impact. Maybe I'll send it out to a couple of resources and see if any of them want to take the project on.

[readmoreoften]

32. I wish MoveOn had a production company with a big budget.

Folks could send their scripts to them and they could make YouTube videos. Actually, the republicans do it through front groups all the time. Maybe we should think about designing liberal front groups for such purposes.

[magellan]

27. Really excellent!

Better yet, why not give it to the Dems and let THEM make the video for national airplay? It's a positive smack up side the head!

[sakabatou]

28. Excellent!

[colinmom71]

29. You did a fine job of explaining it...

Serously, it's like I can see it laying out before my eyes. I sincerely get where you're coming from here. And I certainly admire the metaphor of Bush as the abusive boyfriend to America!

But... Maybe it's my fiercely indepedent nature at play here, but the ending kinda annoyed me. The idea that the girl has to switch protectors comes off as treating the woman/American public (metaphorically) as though she/us seems somewhat misogynist and condescending. For all we know, she was yet again beguiled by another man seeking to have power over her without regard to her true well being. Which could subconsciously reflect an idea that even Democratic candidates have the same notion in mind... (Though admitedly, I'm a little overly sensitive to the perception of anti-feminist messages in the media, whether intended or not. If you think I'm full of s$it and seeing things that aren't here, let me know.)

Where I would alter the storyline would be at the party scene. Show the girl (perhaps named America - yes, I've seen 1 too many Natalie Portman movies!) at the party having an intense conversation with this new guy concerning the poor rescue repsonse for his girlfriend Katrina. America mentions with dismay how she'd seen that on the news and was very saddened and angered to see how poorly her government has acted on her behalf over the last 5 years. Guy tells her to learn more and to be willing speak her true voice... Abusive boyfriend /"Bush" shows up here and reminds her how she needs him and only he can make her safe, although it's obvious he makes her feel anything but! Her eyebrows furrow as she's roughly led away from the conversation...

In quick flashes, we see America reading newspapers and books, watching TV (maybe "the news" juxtaposed by The Daily Show?), again her brows furrowed in thought.... She starts taking self-defense classes...

The next scene is in the alley, where the random bad guy threatens her. Before "Bush" can show up to "save her", *she* defends herself and the threat is dismantled, somewhat as you describe above. "Bush" runs up, just too late (as usual) and asks if she's OK cause ya know, girls/America need help from the condescending "Protector". America simply looks at him and smiles, saying she's just fine. She took care of herself because she "chose better" by "remembering her own power", that she deserves better than someone who treats her in a manipulative and abusive manner. She says goodbye, and smiles as she walks away from the dark, grungy alley that "Bush" had led her to to begin with (sorry for the double preposition ending there!)..

The screen then fades to black with a voice over reading the following print messages -

Empower yourself!

Learn...

You have a better choice...

Vote Democratic - November 2006

(include text with internet links to the Democratic 6-point agenda for 2006)
**************************************************

Like I said, maybe I'm being overly sensitive to messages you simply are not intending to propose. I came from a kinda fundie family who weren't the most respectful of the notion of women as independent, thinking entities. So if I've offended you or made you worry that I find your idea somehow lacking, please know that I don't! It's an interesting and great approach!

I just think that a message that emphasizes self-empowerment to make a better choice for our representatives and leaders may appeal more to those voters who are not feeling confident about swaying their vote to the Democratic Party after all the non-stop "Terra, Terra, Terra" messages inundated within the media over the last 5 years....

But yes, your idea is very powerful and had (obviously) a rather visceral effect on me. Sincerely, I DO like it. If you go forth with your ideas as you've expressed, I think it could have in interesting impact upon a decent number of voting groups, including both the "swing"/centrist indecisive voters and the less willing to vote for a mainstream Democrat/Green party voter, because the metaphor you propose is quite sound... But then, you *are* a DU'er! ;)

[proud patriot]

33. neat idea

I hope somebody can create it

[ceile]

34. Really good!

[lonestarnot]

35. woodamnwhoo!