New Bill Would Defend Marriage From Sharks

[underpants]

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/52984

Senators 'Taking A Stand' Against Ancient Killer
September 19, 2006

WASHINGTON DC—Senator Bill Frist (R–TN) introduced a controversial new bill Tuesday that would severely limit the ability of sharks to "mutilate the institution of marriage until it is completely unrecognizable."

According to recent polls, only 22 percent of voters who live in shark-infested areas on either of the country's coasts say they are "very worried" about the damage sharks could wreak on married couples, while that number jumps to 86 percent in more conservative, landlocked, regions of the South and Midwest—a statistic that opponents of the new bill are using to bolster their argument.



"I believe they should be able to swim and feed as they always have, but I do not condone sharks attacking marriage," Sen. John Kerry (D–MA) said. "This is an issue best left up to the individual states, whose residents know better than anyone which of their waters are safe to be married in."

"The endless onslaught from activist judges, liberal media, and sharks ends today," Frist said. "Nor have we forgotten the other threats marriage faces, and this bill sends an unmistakable message to rattlesnakes, mountain lions, and lightning that we are dead serious about protecting marriage."

[redqueen]

1. Hehe... landlocked... brilliant.

:)

[BOSSHOG]

2. My christian neighbors got a divorce

He was seeing a flounder on the side and it turns out she was quite the little catfish flirt. Their preacher, a mackeral snapper has decided that baptisms will no longer be done in the water.

[lonestarnot]

3. Candygram.

[lonestarnot]

4. Flowers.

[lonestarnot]

5. Landshark.

[Captain Hilts]

6. What about stingrays? We need to defend marriage against them too. nt

[underpants]

7. "You don't EVEN want to know man"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5qKv_NOSpo