A child was born in this country

[MoseyWalker]

16 years ago. Her mom was a drug addict, and her dad disappeared.

She is now, and has been for years, in the foster care system because her mom never figured out that family is more important than drugs.

This child started using pot and having sex when she was eleven.

This child keeps running away, and is very adept at remaining hidden long enough to "satisfy" her pain.

This child is reasonably intelligent and attractive. This child does well in school. This child will have nowhere to turn when she is of adult age.

What can be done, or should be done, to help this child other than what has been done already?

What can be changed to truly help this child?

[pooja]

1. Love! Unconditional love. Love when it hurts. That's what children

need. Unfortunately, foster care doesn't harbor much love.

[sweetheart]

2. all people

It is one of the things i really like about buddhism,
the ideal that all persons have been, in one incarnation or
another, your mother, and are all worthy of your unconditional love and acceptance.

I love your ideals, please never stop.

[katsy]

3. Do her foster parents love her enough to adopt her?

[MoseyWalker]

4. she has been

in quite a few homes over the years, and they have all gotten to the point where they get frustrated and feel they are not able to make a difference.

She is currently in a very good home, with a foster mom that is loving, caring, and very energetic/positive. She has made this kid a part of her family (three other kids), and I really hope something is learned.

[katsy]

5. Her foster mom must have some idea...

of what would instill a sense of value in this young lady. It sounds as though she's in an excellent environment (and loved).

I stared at your original question for a long time. Stunned actually. The first thing that came to my mind is where is the community? Why does America have so many children who have no hope?

This mother selflessly took in this child. Are there any community programs to help this child get off drugs? Programs that would empower the child by giving her the tools to utilize/enhance her strengths & talents?

Every mother is diminished when a child (through no fault of their own) is distressed. In this respect, I do feel "it takes a village". Unfortunately, that's a joke in America. Programs that teach art, music, cooking, gardening, charitable work, even acting or whatever may help this and other children find value in themselves.

But the government doesn't have the $ to save children. Plenty of $ to kill.

:cry:

[janx]

6. She needs to be adopted and loved--

not by foster parents, who will be paid to take care of her, but by people who will love her for who she is.

[silverlib]

7. I have thoughts - no answers

(on reading this, it is rather a sappy post, but I'm going with it anyway.)

Love - but just not any kind of love - I like using some of the words for loves that the Greeks give us.

Agape – which, according to many scholars, is the love of those we do not know – the love of a neighbor or a society with which we have not connected personally. This, to me, is what our government lacks, but what our Declaration of Independence was filled, as well as the Bill of Rights.

MW - you have more agape in your posts than most. Thanks for doing what you do. This woman who fosters her now has this agape, and she has the wisdom to pass this gift to her own children.

Philia - the love of family and friends.

Today, I found the lyrics to a song that John Fogerty wrote for his daughter.

I Will Walk With You

I will walk with you
Every step of the way
Love you all my life
Love you everyday
No matter where you wander
No matter what you do
Come what may I will walk with you

I will walk with you
And treasure every smile
No matter what the fashion
You'll always be my style
My pretty little princess
An angel dressed in blue
Come what may I will walk with you

I will walk with you
Even when the sun don't shine
The rain it may come down
And Fate may be unkind
If you get a scrape
I'll brush away the tears
Come what may I will walk with you

I will walk with you
Together we will share
Jelly beans and pink ice-cream
A Christmas teddy bear
And one day I am for certain a
Brand new kitten too
Come what may I will walk with you

I will walk with you
And love you for all time
Travel this ol' world
Your little hand in mine
I'll never be far from you
This I promise you
Come what may I will walk with you
Come what may I will walk with you

Today, I sent these lyrics to my thirteen year-old granddaughter, who is really making some back choices and doing really stupid things. And then I told her, "Each struggle is different. If they were all the same, someone would have come up with a cure by now. I think that love must be the only cure – so if that’s the case, this teenage disease of yours is only temporary, for you have lots of love. There are only a few things out there that can overcome the cure – stay away from them."

Will it help? Can we change the world? These children are earth's future. They are our most prized resource.

In other words, I really don't have the answer.

[sproutster]

8. Being one of those children (not drug addict, but death)

I was a foster-care/runaway/grouphome kid.

An adult that gives you unconditional belief (love, but belief is more important).

I was lucky - very very very lucky that I had two adults that believed in me, pushed me, and just talked to me like an adult, with no judgement.

I smoked they let me smoke (bitching about it all the while)
I read, they bought me books
I had interests, they encouraged them

That's all it takes, belief in them as a person with talents, and not writing them off as a drug addict who is a waste of skin.

[MoseyWalker]

9. Nothing is more important

than you, and you having achieved a good level of happiness.

I am made more "happy" just by reading your post.

thank you, and peace!

[Porcupine]

10. Ask the kid what interests her and encourage skill building there

no matter how weird it is. Ok, the kid likes pot; well she can't grow pot but she could practice by growing indoor tomatoes (which have about the same needs) until such time as she is free to leave/pay rent etc.

One way to deal with the constant distraction thing is to take the kid to someplace, usually a wilderness, horrifically boring to an urban kid. Bring things that will be entertaining only if skills are built (juggling balls, weaving/sewing stuff etc.) Then let the kid be bored for a week or so.

The point is that developing ANY interest will lead to other interests which will encourage engagement with the world. Drugs, sex, and sometimes reading are ways to shut the world out when it is too challenging/scary. Building skills is the foundation of human happiness.

[MoseyWalker]

11. thanks for your ideas and words

much appreciated!