Please critique my Lieberman Letter to the Editor (LTTE)

[NewJeffCT]

I'm finally eligible for the Hartford Courant again... so, here goes:
>>>
A quote often attributed to Mark Twain says. “If you don’t like Connecticut weather, wait a minute, it’ll change.” It seems that Joe Lieberman has taken this old adage to heart, as if you don’t like his position on Iraq, wait a minute, and he’ll change it.

When he first started his presidential run, Sen. Lieberman called for the ouster of Defense Secretary Rumsfeld over the Iraq debacle. Yet, when the Abu Graib torture scandal broke, Lieberman flip-flopped and supported Rumsfeld. Now, in his speech on Monday, Lieberman has again called for Rumsfeld’s replacement. Perhaps if they release the remainder of the Abu Graib pictures, still suppressed and, reportedly, far worse than what has been seen so far, Joe’s weathervane will turn back to support?

And, in his speech yesterday, he also claimed he supported those against the war to speak their minds. Yet, in his infamous op-ed in the Wall St. Journal, Lieberman told Democrats to accept Bush as president and that if we undermine his credibility, we do so at our own peril. Who knows what he will say tomorrow, or next week, or after the election?

I guess this should not come as a surprise, as a few weeks ago, Lieberman was asked by the media about his position on Iraq, and he told they had to wait for his response. He probably had to go home to check which way his political compass was blowing.

[madinmaryland]

1. Well written!!

:thumbsup:

[blonndee]

2. Good. I have a few minor suggestions.

Need a comma after "says" in first sentence. Also, did you mean "as in," and not "as if" in sentence 3?

Spelling of Abu Graib (I'm not sure of the proper spelling, but isn't there an h?).

Might want to use a noun and not a pronoun when indicating who may be releasing the photos--will get it in people's heads as well as just help w/clarity.

Instead of "turn back to support" you might try "turn back to supporting Rumsfeld," and maybe "political weathervane," because it underscores his wishy-washy, stereotypical politician ways.

Paragraph 3: "And in his speech yesterday," you should then say "Lieberman also claimed" instead of "he also claimed." Keep the name in the forefront of the readers' minds.

Paragraph 4: For some reason, I think it would be more effective if you ended the first sentence after "surprise." Then begin a second sentence with "A few weeks ago." And this phrase needs to be corrected: "he told they had to wait for his response."

Good luck!

[drbtg1]

3. Is there a proper spelling of "Abu Graib"?

I thought it was a different alphabet than the alphabet that is used in English and thus there is no definitive English spelling.

[BurtWorm]

5. It's Abu Ghraib in most references.

[drbtg1]

12. Doesn't change what I said

Some people write Kaddafi while the NY Times uses Quaddafi.

This article gets to my point.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/elsewhere/journalist/story/0,7792,730805,00.html

[BurtWorm]

13. I don't disagree with you. But I've never seen Abu Ghraib spelled any

other way.

[NewJeffCT]

8. thanks good suggestions - who is holding up the pics?

Is it the Pentagon?

[NewJeffCT]

10. kick - looking for a reply on this...

thanks

[tk2kewl]

4. Great letter. To keep with the Mark Twain theme...

I'd change this sentence:

"He probably had to go home to check which way his political compass was blowing."

to:

"He probably had to go home to check which way his political weather vane was blowing."

[Fierce]

6. I'd rework the first part. It's a lot of throat-clearing.

Because the quote attributed to Twain is more often seen as "weather in New England" than "Connecticut," I'd ditch it altogether and get to the point sooner:

Mark Twain might have written about Joe Lieberman: "If you don't like his position on Iraq, wait a minute and he'll change it."

Don't worry about the Abu Ghraib spelling. The paper will change it to its style, if they use your letter.

Too many commas. And yeah, compasses don't blow in the wind.

[NewJeffCT]

7. great point on the first paragraph!

I had wanted to shorten it a bit...

[NewJeffCT]

9. slightly revised version here

Mark Twain might have written about Joe Lieberman: "If you don't like his position on Iraq, wait a minute and he'll change it."

When he first started his presidential run, Sen. Lieberman called for the ouster of Defense Secretary Rumsfeld over the Iraq debacle. Yet, when the Abu Ghraib torture scandal broke, Lieberman flip-flopped and supported Rumsfeld. Now, in his speech on Monday, Lieberman has again called for Rumsfeld’s replacement. Perhaps if the Pentagon releases the remainder of the Abu Ghraib pictures, still suppressed and, reportedly, far worse than what has been seen so far, Joe’s political weathervane will turn back to supporting Rumsfeld?

And, in his speech yesterday, Lieberman also claimed he supported those against the war to speak their minds. Yet, in his infamous op-ed in the Wall St. Journal, Lieberman told Democrats to accept Bush as president and that if we undermine Bush’s credibility, we do so at our own peril. Who knows what he will say tomorrow, or next week, or after the election?

I guess this should not come as a surprise. A few weeks ago, Lieberman was asked by the media about his position on Iraq, and he told them they had to wait for his response. He probably had to check which way his political weathervane was blowing.

[immoderate]

11. A weathervane doesn't blow, it points.

It's coming together, though.

--IMM

[NewJeffCT]

14. Thanks

I'm submitting in a little while.

[immoderate]

15. Good luck!

I'm thinking of writing one myself.:mad:

--IMM