What A Day, What A Day For An Auto da Fe!

[stopbush]

Why are the words and music from Leonard Bernstein's "Candide" swimming through my head today?

[villager]

1. I thought it was from Mel Brooks' "History of the World!"

I just got back from the auto-da-fe!

Auto-da-fe? What's an Auto-da-fe?

It's what you oughtn't to do, but you do anyway...!

[meegbear]

2. The Inquisition (Let's begin)

The Inquisition (Look out sin)
We have a mission to convert the Jews (Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew)
We're gonna teach them wrong from right.
We're gonna help them see the light
and make an offer that they can't refuse. (That those Jews just can't refuse)
Confess, don't be boring.Spanish Inquisition
Say yes, don't be dull.
A fact you're ignoring:
It's better to lose your skull cap than your skull (or your govalt!)
The Inquisition (what a show)
The Inquistion (here we go)
We know you're wishin' that we'd go away.
But the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay!

"I was sitting in a temple. I was minding my own business.
I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass.
Then these Papus persons plungered and they throw me in a dungeon and they shove a red hot poker up my ass.
Is that considerate? Is that polite?
And not a tube of Preperation H in sight!"

"I'm sittin' flickin' chickens and I'm lookin' throught the pickins' and suddenly thes goyim pull down valls.
I didn't even know them and they grabbed my by the stoghum and started playing ping pong with my balls!
Ooh, the agony! Ooh, the shame!
To make my privates public for a game?"

The Inquisition (what a show)
The Inquisition (here we go)
We know you're wishin' that we'd go away.
But the Inquisition's here and it's here to-
"Hey Toquemada, walk this way."
"I just got back from the Auto-de-fe."
"Auto-de-fe? What's an Auto-de-fe?"
"It's what you oughtn't to do but you do anyway."
Will you convert? "No, no, no, no."
Will you confess? "No, no, no, no."
Will you revert? "No, no, no, no."
Will you say yes? "No, no, no, no!"
Now I asked in a nice way, I said, "Pretty please."
I bent their ears, now I'll work on their knees!
"Hey Toquemada, walk this way. We got a little game that you might wanna play, so pull that handle, try you're luck."
"Who knows, Toq, you might win a buck!"

"How we doin', any converts today?"
"Not a one, nay, nay, nay."
"We flattened their fingers, we branded their buns!
Nothing is working! Send in the nuns!"

The Inquisition, what a show.
The Inquisition, here we go.
We know you're wishin' that we'd go away!
So all you Muslims and you Jews
We got big news for all of yous:
You'd better change your point of views TODAY!
'Cause the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay!

[jhrobbins]

3. Hey, Torque your muddah! That was sorta lame, but it's all I got.

[gully]

4. Youtube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAVJ9ZyghlA

Snip from Mel Brooks flick, HOTW - Part 1

[stopbush]

5. Word by Lillian Hellman for the Bernstein score:

Text snipped drastically to not infringe copyright:

TWO GIRLS (with a dog, sing).
What a day, what a day,
For an auto-da-fe!
What a sunny summer sky!
Any kind of metal

CROWD.
What a day, what a day
For an auto-da-fe!
There's a gleam in every eye!

ALL.
What a day, what a day
For an auto-da-fe!
There's a bee in every bonnet
And a thumb in every pie!