My Pet Moat.

[Cyrano]

I heard torture is about to become legal, so I'm buying a moat. It won't be cheap, but how do you put a price on liberty? It will be my pet possession.

I'll take out a loan to pay for the digging, the water and the alligators. What the hell. As long as I have control of the drawbridge, I'll be safe. Won't I?

The price for feeding the alligators is outrageous, but it doesn't cost much more than a tank of gas a day. And I got a loan at 47%, so I'll be well protected until the first payment comes due. The bank told me the alligators eat people regardless of their political affiliation, so I may be able to save a few bucks there.

Which brings us to the key question. Who am I trying to keep out? Well, to begin with, Republicans. And I've been told that Democrats have never heard the word "filibuster" so it will probably be necessary to keep them out too. I really thought these courageous people would stand up so I wouldn't have to build my moat. But someone explained to me that the Democrats were going along for the sole purpose of keeping me safe from the "Thems."

Sometimes, I feel like an Islamofascist for not believing what they're saying. But anyhow, I'll have my moat and I'll be safe. Some naysayer mentioned something about bombs, strafing, artillery and whatever, but they can't fool me. They're just jealous of my moat.

So from now on, if you want to come visit, give a yell, hold up your national photo ID card, declare that you have never cast a vote, and I'll lower the drawbridge.

Damn, I just received a notice from Jeb Bush telling me the taxes on moats and alligators were raised. Anybody know if there are any politicians who I can pay to help me out?

(Edited for spelling.)

[tech3149]

1. Just tell Jeb to come and get those taxes

I'd love to see video of him trying to get across the moat.